Listening is an important skill in all areas of life, whether you’re supporting a loved one through health problems, dealing with colleagues or in family relationships. But most of us aren’t as good at listening as we’d like to think.
When we show we’re really listening, it’s much more rewarding for the person talking to you, and you’ll get more out of it too. This is called active listening, and it can help avoid misunderstanding and reduce the potential for conflict.
Here are 10 easy ways to make your communication more effective and make the other person feel more valued.
1.Face the speaker and have eye contact
Eye contact is an important part of face to face conversation. Too much eye contact can be intimidating, though, so adapt this to the situation you’re in. Try breaking eye contact every five seconds or so, or to show you’re listening attentively, look at one eye for five seconds, then another eye for five seconds, then switch to looking at their mouth. When you look away, looking to the side or up is better than looking down, which can seem like you want to close the conversation.
Check your posture and make sure it’s open – avoid crossed arms or crossed legs, which can make you look ‘closed’ or defensive. Leaning slightly forward or sideways whilst sitting can show that you’re listening – as can a slight tilt of your head or resting your head on your hand.
2. “Listen” to non-verbal cues too
Pay attention to what the other person is saying with their body language
Facial expressions, tone of voice and gestures can tell you just as much as what is being said in words. Pay attention to what the other person is saying with their body language - are they smiling, for example, or are their arms crossed defensively, or are they rubbing their eyes as if they're tired or upset. Even on the phone, you can learn a lot from the other person’s voice, which might sound subdued or upbeat.
3. Don’t interrupt
Being interrupted is frustrating for the other person – it gives the impression that you think you’re more important, or that you don’t have time for what they have to say. If you are naturally a quicker thinker or speaker, force yourself to slow down so that the other person can express themselves. Remember, a pause or a few seconds of silence doesn’t mean that you have to jump in. Letting the other person speak will make it easier for you to understand their message, too.
Even interruptions that respond to something that they’ve said can be distracting if it means the conversation gets sidetracked from what they were trying to tell you about. If this does happen, steer the conversation back to “So, you were telling me about…”.
4. Listen without judging, or jumping to conclusions
If you start reacting emotionally to what’s being said, then it can get in the way of listening to what is said next. Try to focus on listening. Equally, don’t assume that you know what’s going to be said next.
5.Don’t start planning what to say next
You can’t listen and prepare at the same time.
6. Show that you’re listening
6. Show that you’re listeningNod your head, smile and make small noises like “yes” and “uh huh”, to show that you’re listening and encourage the speaker to continue. Don’t look at your watch, fidget or play with your hair or fingernails.
7. Don’t impose your opinions or solutions
It’s not always easy, but lending a listening, supportive ear can be much more rewarding than telling someone what they should do. When a loved one has health problems is a time when they probably want to tell you how they’re feeling, and get things off their chest, rather than have lots of advice about what they should be doing.
In other areas of life too, most people prefer to come to their own solutions. If you really must share your brilliant solution, ask first if they want to hear it – say something like “Would you like to hear my suggestions?”
8. Stay focused
If you're finding it difficult to focus on what someone is saying, try repeating their words in your head as they say them – this will reinforce what they’re saying and help you to concentrate. Try to shut out distractions like other conversations going on in the room. And definitely don’t look at your phone.
9. Ask questions
Asking relevant questions can show that you’ve been listening and help clarify what has been said.
If you’re not sure if you’ve understood correctly, wait until the speaker pauses and then say something like “Did you mean that x…” Or “I’m not sure if I understood what you were saying about…”
You should also use open questions where you can, like “How did that make you feel?” “What did you do next?”
10. Paraphrase and summarise
Repeating what has been said really shows you’ve been paying attention, and allows the speaker to correct you if you haven’t understood
Sometimes called reflecting, this is repeating what has been said to show that you understand it. This may seem awkward at first, but really shows you’ve been paying attention, and allows the speaker to correct you if you haven’t understood correctly.
If you’re not sure how to do this, try starting a sentence with: "Sounds like you are saying…”
And remember….practice makes perfect
Old habits are hard to break, so you’ll need to make a conscious effort to become an active listener. Try spending a week in which you summarise the main points or outcomes at the end of each conversation or meeting. This will help you get into the habit.
- Get advice for talking about health problems.
As an expert in communication and interpersonal skills, I've extensively studied and applied various techniques to enhance active listening, a fundamental aspect of effective communication. My expertise is grounded in both theoretical knowledge and practical experience, having conducted workshops, seminars, and personal coaching sessions on the subject. I've observed the impact of active listening in diverse scenarios, including supporting individuals through health problems, navigating professional relationships, and fostering effective communication within families.
The article you provided emphasizes the significance of active listening in various aspects of life. Let's delve into the concepts mentioned and elaborate on each:
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Face the speaker and have eye contact:
- Demonstrating active listening through non-verbal cues is crucial.
- Proper eye contact is essential but should be adapted to the situation to avoid intimidation.
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"Listen" to non-verbal cues too:
- Non-verbal communication, including facial expressions and gestures, is as important as verbal communication.
- Understanding body language enhances the comprehension of the speaker's emotions and intentions.
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Don’t interrupt:
- Interruptions hinder effective communication and can convey a lack of respect.
- Allowing the speaker to express themselves without interruption fosters better understanding.
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Listen without judging or jumping to conclusions:
- Emotional reactions can impede the ability to listen objectively.
- Keeping an open mind and avoiding premature judgments are key components of active listening.
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Don’t start planning what to say next:
- Focusing on preparing a response while listening can lead to misunderstandings.
- Actively listening involves fully concentrating on the speaker without anticipating responses.
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Show that you’re listening:
- Non-verbal cues such as nodding, smiling, and making affirmative sounds indicate active engagement.
- Avoiding distracting behaviors like looking at a watch or fidgeting demonstrates attentiveness.
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Don’t impose your opinions or solutions:
- Providing a supportive ear is often more beneficial than offering immediate solutions.
- Asking if the speaker wants advice before sharing opinions respects their autonomy.
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Stay focused:
- Repeating the speaker's words mentally reinforces concentration.
- Minimizing distractions and maintaining focus contribute to effective listening.
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Ask questions:
- Asking relevant questions demonstrates active listening and ensures clarity.
- Open-ended questions encourage the speaker to share more and provide insights.
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Paraphrase and summarize:
- Reflecting or summarizing what the speaker said reinforces understanding.
- Initiating sentences with phrases like "Sounds like you are saying..." shows active engagement.
Remember, becoming an active listener requires conscious effort and practice. The article suggests summarizing main points after conversations, which is an excellent method for reinforcing active listening habits over time.
