12 times it was impossible for Dan Humphrey to be Gossip Girl (2024)

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Every time he pretends to be shocked by something that Gossip Girl wrote.

In the first season, Dan appears visibly upset over multiple Gossip Girl posts when he is completely alone.

In episode six of season one,for example, he looksshocked by a Gossip Girl update that saysSerena van der Woodsen (Blake Lively) is looking for a date to the masked ball.

Dan, you are alone in your kitchen. Why are you pretending to be so shocked when you — as Gossip Girl — wrote the post?

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When he told the world his girlfriend bought a pregnancy test.

Dan looks completely shocked when the iconic Gossip Girl blast goes out that revealedSerena (who was Dan's girlfriend at the time) boughta pregnancy test.

Despitehaving an excuse for the fake gasp— since his sister Jenny (Taylor Momsen) and his father Rufus (Matthew Settle) werein the room with him — it still makes no sense why Dan wouldreveal this news.

Mostteenage boys probably wouldn't want topublicly announce that they may have gotten their teenage girlfriend pregnant — especially knowing it would upset their father.

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He constantly spreads rumors about his 15-year-old sister's sex life

Some sibling arguments here and there are to be expected, but Dan making his sister's sex life the biggest gossip in Manhattan is a definite low — not to mention gross.

In season one, Gossip Girl sent out this message about Jenny: "Breaking News — Asher Hornsby overheard bragging that Little J swiped her V card at his register. Didn't anyone teach you, Little J? You shouldn't give away the ending if you want him to pick up the book again.”

Not only is that epic slu*t shaming, but it's a despicable thing to say about your little sister.Dan shows no remorse and sends another blast later in the episode: "Looks like Little J didn't spread her legs after all. She spread lies instead."

Read that in Dan's voice and shudder.

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He also outed his own sister as a drug dealer.

In the finale, Dan makes a comment that Jenny had known hewas Gossip Girl for years, and that he would only write about her when she asked him to.

If that was the case, why would Jenny ask Dan (aka Gossip Girl) to out her as a drug dealer when it clearly didn'thelp Jenny at all.

Even if Dan outted his sister all on his own out of spite, why would he put poor Rufus through the ringer yet again over it? We're starting to think if Dan really is Gossip Girl, then he's also a sociopath.

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When he yelled at Jenny for sending Gossip Girl a photo of him and Serena sleeping together.

In one of the final episodes of season three, Dan and Serena sleep together and agree not to talk about it because he's with Vanessa (Jessica Szohr) and Serena's with Nate (Chace Crawford) before realizing Jenny had taken a photo of them together and sent it to Gossip Girl.

At the loft, all alone once again, Dan sees the blast, then spots a take-out coffee cup with Jenny's name on the side. If Dan were Gossip Girl, heprobably wouldn'tneed the coffee cup to figure out that Jennywas the one who sent the tip.

Also, why would Dan be so angry that the photo got out when hewas the one who posted the picture to his blog in the first place?

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When Dan told everyone his sister lost her virginity to Chuck.

The writersmust have seen thisglaring plot hole because they even tried to cover it up (unsuccessfully) in the finale when Rufusconfronts Dan after finding out he was Gossip Girl.

Rufus says, "You told the whole world about [Jenny] losing her virginity!" and Dan replies saying, "No, no, no. She sent that tip in herself. She wantedto get out of New York, but she didn't feel like she had the strength to leave on her own. So she knew if Blair knew the truth, she wouldn'thave a choice."

First of all, that makes no sense. Second of all, even if Jenny had requested it, why would a brother ever want to tell the world about his sister's sex life, especially when it concerns the notorious Chuck Bass (Ed Westwick)?

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When he told the world that Serena had an STD.

Spreading rumors thatthe girl you want to get back together with has an STD is not something you should be particularly proud of.

One could argue thatDan may have wanted toensure no other guy tried to sleep with Serena(atruly sociopathicmotive in and of itself), but things get confusing when Dan goes on to post a photo blast of him at the Student Health Clinic which simultaneouslyblows up his relationship with Vanessa and tells all of Manhattan he has an STD.

Not the best move for anyone's reputation.

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When he told everyone his girlfriend was a drug addict.

Dan may have just wanted Serena to get the help he thought she needed, but telling everyone she is an addict is cruel, especially when it was all a set-up to begin with.

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Every time he outs himself as a cheater.

Arguably one of the biggest plot holes with Dan being Gossip Girl are the times he outed himself as a cheater. This was either next level manipulation or Dan has multiple personalities.

First in season two, Dan has an affair with his teacher and gets her fired. Then he posts a picture of himself in bed with Serena when he was dating Olivia (Hillary Duff) in season three, and by the fourth season, he posts a picture of himself fake-kissing Blair (Leighton Meester).

Dan, what are you doing? First of all, being known as a cheater is never a good thing for your reputation.

Second of all, why would Dan make upgossip about himself that would hurt Serena (the supposed love of his life) when she was his inspiration for becoming Gossip Girl in the first place? Talk about developing some trust issues.

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There were lots of times when he physically couldn't have posted something.

During Blair's doomed wedding toPrince Louis Grimaldi of Monaco (Hugo Becker)in season 5, Dan is able to write-up a Gossip Girl post when he was standing atthe altar with a crowd of people watching him.

Right as Blair finishes her walk up the aisle, a video of Blairconfessing her love for Chuck comes out as a Gossip Girlblast. That conversation happened a few minutes earlier, so it is physically impossible that he sent out that post.

Maybe he has a Gossip Girl intern.

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That time Dan had a full-on text conversation with himself.

Episode 15 of season five is by farthe most problematic in regards to Dan's identity as Gossip Girl.In the episode, Gossip Girl texts Dan and blackmails him into bringing Blair to a party.

We'll pause to let that absurdity sink in.

If Dan was Gossip Girl,why is he texting himself and why does he look so shell-shocked by it all? Dan also hides the texts from Nate, who is also in the room, so it's not like he's just putting on a showin order toavoid blowing his cover.

This text conversation also reveals that Dan sent a tip to Gossip Girl, which is also problematic. Why would Dan messagea tip to Gossip Girlwhen he is Gossip Girl? Is Dan losing his mind, or does this entire scene just make absolutely no sense.

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So if it's not Dan, then who is the real Gossip Girl? I guess that's a secret they'll never tell.

It's safe to say that Dan as Gossip Girl doesn't make a lick of sense unless he's a sociopath or crazy person. Ideally, Gossip Girl would have been someone else just as surprising, or the writers could have avoided these plot missteps altogether.

Oh well. We still love you, "Gossip Girl"! XOXO.