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Text messaging should be viewed like a open field filled with landmines. You're unaware you're encroaching on dangerous territory, and—boom—suddenly you'velost a limb. Or, worse yet, a girlfriend.
Donna Barnes,relationship expert forABC News' hit seriesWhat Would You Do?,dating advice guruonVH-1'sRock of Love Charm Schooland author ofGiving Up Junk-Food Relationshipsis here to help you navigate the world's most perplexing medium for communication, and teach you how to avoid the mistakes men most often make when texting. Please, think before you hit send.
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17. A text that is relationship-changing.
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Only send a text if it will positively benefit your relationship and it cannot be misconstrued, such as messages stating that you're running late or communicating other logistical information. Without the inflection of voice to help interpret a texts meaning, you may take what is written the wrong way. And, so may the receiver of your written communications. One's perception is one's reality. Your relationship is too important to leave up to chance. A text may instigate some horrible miscommunication that damages or even ends the relationship, and it's usually because someone acted on a fleeting emotional impulse and hit send.
16. A text rejecting her.
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If you're seeing someone else now that information should never be conveyed via text. See number 8. If you're not into her, but you want to meet her girlfriend, do not involve her. That's just mean and insensitive, and she most certainly won't recommend you to someone she cares about.
15. Texts at inappropriate hours.
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Before 9 a.m. or after 10 p.m. are inappropriate hours. Texts outside of appropriate hours come off as creepy, desperate, or disrespectful. Or, all of the above.
14. A text to the wrong person.
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We've all probably sent a text or two to someone we didn't mean it for. It's easy to do when you're texting with more than one person at a time. However, if a girl is important to you, make sure that every text you send indeed has her name at the top of the thread. And do not play games by intentionally sending something that looks like it's meant for someone else to make her jealous. She'll most likely see through it and think you're pathetic.
13. A text to initiate a booty call.
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Here is a big difference between texts you can send at night and texts you send during the day. If you're trying to get a date for that same night it will work best if you initiate texting in the mid to late morning. That shows respect. Texting late at night may get you laid, but she may just think of you as a boy toy and is likely to not take you seriously. If you like her, don't reduce her to a booty call. If you're really not that into her, but want to get laid, be careful what you wish for. You may open an unwanted can of emotional worms.
12. Texts when you're impaired, angry, sad, or otherwise emotional, or under the influence of any substance.
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If you're in a committed relationship, an occasional drunk text can be endearing. But if she's been blowing you off and you've haven't been connecting, a drunk text to initiate communication will do more harm than good. It may also be perceived as pathetic.
11. A text starting an argument.
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If you receive a text that makes you angry, ask for clarification before you send an angry or emotional response. When there is no verbal context, the true meaning can easily be lost and a simple misunderstanding can get blown out of proportion. Make a phone call to have honest communication. Or, at the very least, reply, "I'm not sure what you mean." Never be the one to initiate an argument via text. If you've just ended an emotional phone conversation, let sleeping dogs lie. Don't send any additional thoughts via text.
10. A text pleading your case.
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If she rejected you, be strong and decide that you don't want her. If you send her texts describing your good qualities or to continue trying to get dates, you'll risk looking like a stalker. And, you most definitely won't help your self-esteem. You don't want anyone who isn't smart enough to want you.
9. A text asking for nude selfies.
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I know it's fun and exciting but it's completely disrespectful. It's sexualizing her. You can completely turn her off to you just by asking. If she plays along it shows her lack of healthy boundaries. Show her you have healthy boundaries by not asking her to send them.
8. A text breaking up with her.
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Don't do this. It's cold, it's mean, and unbelievably insensitive. Consider how you would feel if someone you were into was that selfish. I know it's much easier than making a dreaded phone call to breakup. But, I promise you, it will make you feel like a better human being if you do the right thing. Try sending a text that says, "Can we talk?" It will give her a heads up. Then make the call quick. You can kindly say, "I just don't think we're a good match."
7. No text at all.
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If you've been dating someone and she sends a simple, "How are you?" or "Hi" or the dreaded, "Do you miss me?" (Ladies, never send that, it's needy and unappealing), it's rude if you simply don't reply. However, you don't need to reply immediately and you should not lead her on in your reply. A simple, "I hope you're well" is polite and noncommittal. Not replying may give her anxiety, which will potentially make her text you more. More on that later...
6. A text with just your phone number.
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You asked for her number and she gave it to you so you could initiate contact. Sending a text to say here's my number puts her in the masculine role. It's cowardly. Be confident and ask for what you want.
5. Texts that are vague or confusing.
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Say what you mean and think about how she might interpret it. As a dating coach, I spend a lot of time trying help my female clients decipher what a men mean in their texts. Don't assume she knows every acronym under the sun. You'd be surprised how many people don't know what TOY means (thinking of you) and have taken offense to being referred to as a toy. One word responses like, good, a smiley face, or LOL to something she says are all too vague. They're a lazy cop-out. Are you truly laughing out loud? Mean what you say, and say what you mean.
4. Texts that require a long response.
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Don't conduct an interview via text. Any information that will require more than one, or at the most, two, text fields to convey belongs in an email or in an actual conversation. Texts are meant to convey short ideas. If your text spills over into several texts, it's annoying to scroll back to start reading. And it's impersonal. Relationships are about communication. Don't try to get to know her via text.
3. A text asking on your first date.
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Never ask a girl out for the first time via text message. I know it's scary to risk being turned down, but if you want to make a real connection you have to put yourself out there. It shows confidence, and confidence is very attractive. Hiding behind a text is for cowards.
2. Texts that just says "Hi" or "Hey"
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You're a man; initiate a full thought. Texting her just "hi" or "hey" makes the girl have to interpret what you mean. Are you asking her out? Do you want to call her? Instead say "Hi, can I call you?" or whatever full thought you are trying to convey. Just don't send this next text...
1. Texts that oversexualize things (particularly early on in the relationship).
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Even if all you're interested in is sex, you need to make her feel appreciated and wanted, not just desired. After a date that ended with a half-hearted kiss good night, never follow up in the morning with "I'm still tasting your kisses...Mmmm." She'll think you're gross.
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