1. Call them English.
bbc.co.uk / Via tumblr.com
Let's get the obvious one out of the way first.
2. Ask them to say things in an over-the-top Scottish accent.
studiocanal.com / Via battles-fought-at-night.tumblr.com
If you ask me to say the words "purple", "burger", or "burglar" one more time, we're done.
3. Assume they have an encyclopaedic knowledge of Scottish politics.
movies.disney.com / Via sevanderslice.tumblr.com
STOP. ASKING. ABOUT. THE. REFERENDUM.
4. Talk about your views on the Loch Ness Monster.
the-big-bang-theory.com / Via boredhumor.com
Do you think we haven't heard it all before?
5. Tell them how you've never been to Scotland, but you've heard it's "nice".
toystory.disney.com / Via atlamilliahearts.tumblr.com
NICE?! Bitch, it's the most beautiful country on god's green earth.
6. Assume that Scotland is stuck in the past and that we don't have Wi-Fi, electricity, or indoor toilets.
mgm.com / Via tumblr.com
Guess what: I also live in a house that's not a cave!
7. Talk about how your great-great-great-great grandfather was Scottish, so that means you are too.
pushadvocacy.com / Via wwws.warnerbros.co.uk
Cool story.
8. Call a kilt a skirt.
mtv.co.uk / Via cdn3.gurl.com
It's only acceptable to think a kilt is a skirt if you are a 4-year-old, and even that's a pretty bad excuse.
9. Shout "Och aye the noo!" at them repeatedly as soon as you find out they're from Scotland.
comedycentral.co.uk / Via media.giphy.com
Be super loud and obnoxious whilst doing it. That's the best. Also, FYI, no-one says that.
10. Talk about how it always rains in Scotland.
If it means you'll stay away, then yes it does.
11. Laugh about how hilarious the whole "legal tender" thing is.
movies.disney.com / Via tumblr.com
OMG yeah, I love arguing with English shopkeepers. JUST SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY.
12. Astound them with your lack of Scottish geographical knowledge.
abc.go.com / Via tumblr.com
Asking "How close is that to Edinburgh or Glasgow?" every time someone tells you a Scottish place name is not OK.
13. Tell them you know someone from Scotland and ask if they've ever met them.
disney.co.uk / Via thewifeintraining.com
Yes, because Scotland is just a village and everyone knows each other.
14. Pronounce things incorrectly.
hbo.com / Via tumblr.com
I know names and place names can be tough, but it will always be annoying when you get them wrong. Also, just don't pronounce "loch" like "lock".
15. Ask about battered Mars Bars.
itv.com / Via media.giphy.com
Yes, they are a thing. No, they are not a staple part of our diet. Get over it.
16. Make a joke about Andy Murray being British if he wins, Scottish if he loses.
logotv.com / Via tumblr.com
Wow, that's a brand-new joke that I've only heard 784,692,736,589,349,508,238,974 times before.
17. Have a meltdown when the weather forecast predicts an above average amount of wind/rain/snow.
marvel.com / Via tumblr.com
You get six feet of snow, you deal with it. Life goes on.
18. Wonder aloud what a "real Scotsman" wears under his kilt.
Either ask him, or STFU.
19. Make any kind of comment about how rubbish Scotland is at sport.
That may be true, but no one is allowed to say it.
20. Call American whiskey "Scotch".
marvel.com / Via wordpress.com
"Jack Daniel's is my favourite kind of Scotch." *reaches for pressure points*
21. Ask any Scottish person if they think your impression of a Scottish accent is any good.
abc.go.com / Via reactiongifs.com
It's not.