8 Green Flags That Mean He’s A Keeper — wallflower (2024)

Modern dating is strikingly similar to a tennis game — we continue to hit a ball back and forth, anticipating their next move and preparing accordingly; we attempt to match their energy, ensuring our next hit doesn’t come on too strong or too swiftly; we watch our steps, careful not to trip over ourselves and make a mistake.

On top of all of this, we constantly hear about keeping an eye out for red flags — the little signals a man absentmindedly drops that allow us to size him up quickly. We’re encouraged to pay attention to the way he treats a server, or question his reluctance to put a label on the relationship, or worry if he tends to get jealous for our attention on girls’ night.

But what about the green flags — the little indications of a good man, the kind of man we want to keep around? What are the actions, habits, and patterns of a guy that all point to him being a keeper? Aren’t these just as important to identify?

Boundaries are absolutely necessary for our well-being – they’re our way of exercising healthy control over our interactions, relationships, and lives, of feeling the freedom to agree to something, or object to it, without punishment. Boundaries hold the key to either feeling run-over and resentful in a relationship, or feeling heard and respected.

This is why a man that actually listens when we say yes or no is teeming with green flags. By respecting our boundaries, he’s making it clear that he places higher value and consideration on us than his wishes in the moment. An even bigger and brighter green flag goes out to the men that ask our boundaries.

If we’re looking forward to something, we plan for it – a tropical vacation is planned months in advance; a special home-cooked dinner encourages us to skip lunch; a new love we’re eager to keep makes us look forward to everything else that’s in store.

If he’s not only willing to talk about the future, but keen to discuss a day trip next month, or mentions how much we’ll love his sister when we meet her, or otherwise involves us in loose future plans, he’s letting us know his intention is to stick around.

Feeling the need to constantly check up and snoop through his phone is an undeniable red flag (on whose part, it varies). But our reason for not going through his phone ought to be because we aren’t suspicious – not because he’s protecting it with his life.

When he gives us the freedom to use his phone when ours is dead, or reply to an email for him while he’s driving, or open his social media to look for something innocuous, he’s saying he has nothing to hide from us — the ultimate green flag.

The earliest days of a new romance find us hungry to share and do every waking moment with this new person. While this dynamic might survive for a short time, and even feel “right”, it ultimately isn't conducive to a relationship.

Relationships are ideally made up of two whole people, each of whom had their own lives long before encountering one another. If he encourages us to continue living the life we’d already built, have girls’ nights away from him, and spend healthy time on our own, we can safely assume that he's confident enough in himself and the relationship to allow us our freedom.

In the same way that it’s necessary for us to continue living our own life, it’s critical that he has a life of his own to continue living, lest he relies on our constant companionship to fill his days.

Finding a man who has a healthy and robust enough inner circle, a carved-out identity, and a career he’s passionate about means he’s looking for someone to merge lives with — not count on to give him a life.

A person who’s found real satisfaction in their own life will be genuinely delighted by someone else’s accomplishments, and celebrate them openly.

His happiness for our success also speaks volumes about the sort of partner he’ll become – a man who’s able to show legitimate enthusiasm for our wins, who almost acts as our personal cheer section, is the best kind of man to be around.

Our family, as well as our chosen family, have been there far longer than him, and he’s fully aware of that. But instead of allowing this to make him insecure, he makes an effort to know and love them, to understand why we love them.

By investing time and energy into knowing our loved ones, he’s making what’s important to us, important to him as well — this also lets us know that he’s willing to undergo all the speculation and questions that come with meeting our inner circle for the first time.

A wonderful person doesn’t make us want to stay stagnant or allow us to feel pleased with where we’ve landed. Instead, they inspire us to become better not just for ourselves, but for them, too.

When we’re with someone we feel is top-notch, their character and attitude will inevitably rub off on us, emboldening us to mature into our best selves.

In short…

Our dating prospects are so often teeming with red flags (dreadfully so). But perhaps just as important as spotting all the red flags is recognizing the green flags when we come across them, and doing something about it.