9 red flags you can spot on a first date (2024)

1. They're very late.

Issues with traffic or public transportation are inevitable for most people, so tardiness isn't always a red flag.

But if your date is more than a few minutes late — and doesn't seem to care that you've been waiting for a lengthy period of time — consider that a first strike.

"I am a little bit of a stickler for time," Sassoon told INSIDER. "I don't mean five minutes, but if someone is running 15 minutes late I definitely expect a call or a text. If someone doesn't do that, it's a red flag in the sense that there's a lack of respect for the other person's time."

2. They expect too much too soon.

"When you're on a first date with someone, and the conversation turns to sex really quickly, stay away," Sassoon told INSIDER.

There are obvious exceptions to this, like if you are there specifically to hook up and have communicated that with your dateahead of time.

But if your date immediately begins making lewd sexual remarks or getting more touchy-feely than you'd like duringa casual outing, that's a sign they may not berespectful of your boundaries — both now and in the future.

To deal with this, let your date know you aren't comfortable discussing sex quite yet. If they don't back off, you are well within your rights to end the date early.

3. They're too pushy.

Your date may try to convince you that they deserve to be invited back to your place because they bought you a drink or spent some time with you.

"If they're insisting on inviting you to their place, or pushing to go over to yours, that's a bad sign," Sassoon told INSIDER. "They don't need to know where you live right now."

4. They get too personal too fast.

There's nothing wrong with opening up to someone new,but it shouldn't all come out at once.

"When people start telling you stuff that is really personal really quickly, it displays a kind of neediness and clinginess that shows they're just going to use you as a vehicle for unloading for the relationship," Sassoon told INSIDER. "It's all about them, they don't ask a question, they don't really care, they just want to vomit about their whole entire life."

Basically, if a first date feels like a therapy session — one in which you have unwittingly become the therapist — get out ASAP.

5. They make the date feel like a job interview.

On the other hand, you don't want the date to feel like a job interview.

"Sometimes, a person can be too present," Sassoon told INSIDER. "It's like they're interviewing or interrogating you. It's a date, not a job interview."

You don't automatically need to eliminate a potential partner if they're overly inquisitive — some people might ask a lot of questions when they get nervous, or they could genuinely be fascinated by you — but it's worth asking them some questions too, just to see if they open up about themselves or just go back to questioning you.

6. They can't seem to plan anything.

If they refuse to take accountability for any part of a date — a time to meet, a bar to get drinks, or even what drinks you get — that's not a great sign, either.

"No one's saying you have to go to a five-star restaurant for an eight-course meal, but come on," Sassoon told INSIDER. "Have something that makes the time investment worthwhile."

7. They're hot and cold.

Be wary of a person who shows up to a first date and seems happy one moment and decidedly not the next— and for no apparent reason.

Being moody doesn't mean someone is a bad person. But if theirbehavior during an hour-long date is sporadic enough to make you feel on edge, they may not be ready for a relationship.

There are a number of things that might explain their behavior — like a fresh breakup or trouble at work — but trying to pursue a relationship with them could be a thankless task for you.

8. They're too confrontational.

When you go on a date, it's possible that politics, religion, and other taboo topics may come up.But if a healthy debate turns into a one-sided screaming match, it's probably safe to cut your losses with this particular person.

"It's OK to agree to disagree on some things," Sassoon told INSIDER. "But not everyone gets that, and if they make it clear on a first date, get out."

9. They're inconsistent.

One red flag may show up before a first date even happens — an ability (or lack thereof) to actually commit to a day and time to meet.

This is especially vital to think about when it comes to online dating, which often makes it necessary to message back and forth with a match to figure out if you even want to go on a date with them.This is fineunless you come across a person who is content to exchange tons oftext messages without ever actually committing to a date.

"If you want to meet someone, you'll give them a few times that work [for you]," Sassoon told INSIDER. "If they can't give you a clear answer in response, it's clear you aren't a priority."

So, if you've been messaging someone for a while without planning a date, ask them straight-up if they'd like to grab coffee. If they waffle, don't keep hassling them. They'll let you know when (and if) they actually want to meet up.

If that doesn't happen, move on to someone else.

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