Amish Wedding Traditions and Dating Customs | The Amish Village (2024)

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Want to learn more about Amish traditions, culture, and heritage? Want to see how The Amish Village changes over the seasons? We pack our blog with helpful articles all about the Amish culture and some news about The Amish Village.

May 18th, 2018

Amish Wedding Traditions and Dating Customs | The Amish Village (1)

The importance of family is part of what makes the Amish community such a tight-knit group and choosing a spouse to build a family with is a crucial and joyous element of that. Dating customs and wedding traditions among the Amish vary from community to community. While you can’t assume one community will be just like another, you can bet they will be quite different from a typical “English” ceremony!

The Amish Community and Dating

Dating among the Amish typically begins around age 16 with most Amish couples marrying between the ages of 20 and 22. To find a prospective date, the young adults socialize at functions such as frolics, church, or home visits. One of the most popular activities is the Sunday night singing. The Sunday night singings can include Amish youth from several districts, and typically take place in someone’s home or barn.

During the singing, Amish boys and girls sit at a long table facing each other singing hymns and socializing between the songs. The singing lasts until around ten o’clock, at which point baked goods and drinks are brought out for the teens to enjoy as they mingle for an hour or two. If a boy is interested in a girl, he offers to give her a ride home.

While English dates might include a dinner and a movie, Amish dates typically involve taking buggy rides together or participating in outdoor activities with a group. Some of the more progressive churches allow the young couple to travel into town for an evening meal. Because the Amish community does not allow for divorce, the courting process is taken very seriously.

Wedding Traditions Among the Amish

Engagements among the Amish are typically regarded as private. In fact, a newly engaged couple might wait until July or August to even share the news with their parents. The family, in turn, keeps the engagement a secret until an October church service. You might be able to guess which families are expecting a wedding, however, if you see them painting their houses or planting a large quantity of celery, which will be used to decorate the wedding tables and make soup for the wedding meal.

Amish weddings are typically held on Tuesdays and Thursdays in November and December. However, for larger communities and those not driven by the agrarian calendar, weddings may be held in the Spring and into the Summer.

Why Tuesdays and Thursdays? The family needs a full day to prepare for the wedding, and a full day to clean up afterwards. Having a wedding on Saturday or Monday would mean setup or cleanup would fall on a Sunday, which is sacrilegious.

Amish brides typically make their own bridal dresses, and often the dresses of her bridesmaids (known as newehockers). Her dress is typically a beautiful shade of blue or purple, with blue being the more common color worn. After the wedding, this dress becomes a woman’s typical Sunday church attire. It is also the dress the women are buried in when they die.

The wedding ceremony starts around 8:30 in the morning and lasts 3-3.5 hours. After a sermon, the bishop takes the couple aside while the congregation sings songs. He gives the couple advice, private instruction, and his blessing. Afterward, the bride and groom give their vows at the front of the church.

After a final prayer, the wedding party and guests head back to the bride’s family home. Guest lists for Amish weddings are very large, typically ranging from 200-500 people, including relatives, friends, and coworkers. The bride and groom’s friends and family typically help with tasks such as caring for the guests’ horses, serving food, being ushers, and clearing and cleaning the dishes.

The guests stay for two meals: supper and dinner. Food can include a wide range of Pennsylvania Dutch recipes and likely include some of the following: roast or “Amish Casserole” (casserole of chicken and stuffing), mashed potatoes, creamed celery, coleslaw, applesauce, dinner rolls, pears, doughnuts, and pies. While there isn’t any dancing at an Amish wedding, they are filled with visiting, games, and connection among families.

After the Wedding

Unlike many weddings among non-Amish, the Amish couple will not conclude their wedding with a honeymoon trip. Instead, they will spend the next day helping to clean after the wedding. The next few months will be spent living with the bride’s parents until they are ready to start a home of their own.

You can see what it’s like to live in an Amish home yourself when you come visit The Amish Village farmhouse. This house is authentically Amish, and it will give you a taste of what growing up in the Amish community is like. You will even see blue dresses like those worn by Amish women on their wedding day. Schedule a tour today!

Amish Wedding Traditions and Dating Customs | The Amish Village (2024)

FAQs

Amish Wedding Traditions and Dating Customs | The Amish Village? ›

Wedding Traditions Among the Amish

What are the rules for Amish dating? ›

Amish people aren't permitted to date or marry outside of their communities. In fact, an Amish person may be shunned from their community if they break this rule.

What is bed courtship in the Amish community? ›

Traditionally, the practice of courtship involved two young adults, often betrothed, who spent the night in bed together under the parental roof to ensure compatibility and accountability. A bundling board or bundling sack may make an appearance, as it takes the form of a contraceptive for a bundling couple.

Can Amish have girlfriends? ›

The Amish take courtship very seriously. Its intention is to find a life partner and start a family. Marriage is deemed a sacred act in the eyes of God. As marriages between Amish and outsiders are forbidden, instances of Amish dating outsiders are rare but not entirely unheard of.

How does marriage work in the Amish community? ›

Marriage in the Amish community is seen as a passage into adulthood. To get married in the Amish community, members must be baptized in the church. Outsiders, non-Amish, or 'English', as they call the rest of the world, are not permitted to marry within the Amish community.

What is the feminine hygiene of the Amish? ›

Feminine Hygiene

Female Amish wash their hair and wear it in a bun. As for makeup, Amish women aren't allowed to wear cosmetics or adornments considered worldly. This includes lipstick, mascara, eye shadow, and jewelry.

What are the Amish courting practices? ›

Unmarried Amish choose their own husbands/wives, and the woman is very much involved in the process. Courtship often begins with a young man transporting a young woman to and from one of the many singings or Sunday worship.

What are the Amish rules on kissing? ›

The Amish also believe marriage should be between a man and a woman. Same-sex relationships are not allowed within the Amish community. Unmarried Amish men and women aren't supposed to have any physical contact with each other. This includes kissing, hugging, and even holding hands.

What is soaking in Amish culture? ›

Soaking: Soaking is another practice related to Amish bedroom rituals. It involves two individuals, usually a couple, lying in bed together without engaging in sexual activity. The term "soaking" refers to the act of simply being in close physical proximity without any movement or stimulation [2].

Do Amish use birth control? ›

Amish men outlive Amish women, in part because of the high birth rate (average of 7 live births/woman). Birth control and abortion are forbidden by religious doctrine, even when pregnancy is life threatening.

What are the Amish harsh bedroom rules? ›

Bundling entails spending the night together, in bed but fully clothed. A wooden board is sometimes in place to physically separate the young couple. Pre-marital sex is strictly forbidden by the rules in Amish Ordnung, the book of Amish laws.

Do Amish girls shave? ›

Do Amish shave their legs and armpits? The Ordnung (set of community rules) forbids women from shaving. What's more, because the Amish interpretation of the New Testament considers cutting hair a shameful act (1 Corinthians 11:5-15), women don't cut or shave any hair on their bodies.

How long do Amish date before marriage? ›

A young Amish couple will typically date for one to two years (two years being the longer end of the spectrum) before they begin to talk about marriage. At this point it is typically assumed the couple will become wed and no formal proposal is made.

What is the Amish wedding night consummation? ›

The purpose of the ritual was to establish the consummation of the marriage, either by actually witnessing the couple's first sexual intercourse, or symbolically, by leaving before consummation. It symbolized the community's involvement in the marriage.

How can you tell if an Amish girl is married? ›

In the case of Amish women, this identification of marital status is very simple. The bonnets they wear are how to tell if an Amish woman is married. They all wear traditional bonnets on their heads, but while single women wear black, married women wear white.

What is the significance of celery at an Amish wedding? ›

You're almost guaranteed to find creamed celery at an Amish wedding, as it's a dish passed down from generation to generation. The celery isn't only one of the staple dishes of the wedding, it's also sometimes used as decoration in place of flowers.

Can a non Amish date an Amish? ›

Generally speaking, no, Amish people do not tend to date or marry outsiders. If they do, they may be shunned by their community. Although nothing is stopping them from marrying whomever they want, they prefer to stick within their communities. People also often ask “are Amish marriages arranged?” No.

What happens if Amish get pregnant before marriage? ›

it it does have its rare but it does happen if a girl gets pregnant before marriage. it's called a shotgun wedding. and they're instantly considered married. they cannot have a traditional wedding.

At what age do Amish girls marry? ›

Dating among the Amish typically begins around age 16 with most Amish couples marrying between the ages of 20 and 22. To find a prospective date, the young adults socialize at functions such as frolics, church, or home visits. One of the most popular activities is the Sunday night singing.

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