Are humans naturally monogamous? (2024)

FAQs

Are humans naturally supposed to be monogamous? ›

Humans evolved to be 'socially monogamous,' meaning that we choose one partner with which we pair-bond while retaining a desire for other sexual partners. But here's the rub: We evolved to desire other sexual partners, while keeping our bonded partner from having other sexual partners at the same time.

This exists when partners don't have a desire to sexually engage other people. They're not working to stay monogamous. This could be because they are just naturally monogamous people, as those people do exist on the sexuality spectrum, but science has proven that on the whole humans aren't naturally monogamous.

The answer is simple: being monogamous is not as realistic as everyone thinks. This isn't to say that monogamy isn't possible, but rather that it isn't likely in a relationship meant to last a lifetime. With a national population near 350 million, perhaps there are just too many fish in the sea.

By about 3.5 million years ago, however, the finger-length ratio indicated that hominids had shifted more toward monogamy. Our lineage never evolved to be strictly monogamous. But even in polygamous relationships, individual men and women formed long-term bonds — a far cry from the arrangement in chimpanzees.

No. Our body sizes show that we are predominantly monogamous. In mammals, “sexual dimorphism”—the difference in appearance between male and female individuals—result in huge size differences if a species is polygamous, since males will compete for females by physical force, resulting in an advantage if you are big.

While some argue this is because monogamy is a natural human behavior, others suggest that the concept of relationship styles in general has been heavily influenced by society and its expectations as well as by history, culture, and religion.

Monogamy and early humans

According to the New York Times, a 2011 paper showed that early humans, or hominids, began shifting towards monogamy about 3.5 million years ago—though the species never evolved to be 100% monogamous (remember that earlier statistic).

Socially imposed monogamy was first established in ancient Greece and Rome (even if sexual infidelity with concubines and slaves was largely tolerated).

Just like monogamous relationships, non-monogamous relationships can be happy and satisfying, and last just as long. And just like monogamous relationships they can difficult and challenging. But being in a non-monogamous relationship doesn't mean you are any more likely to be unhealthy or unhappy.

By practicing sexual exclusivity with one partner, individuals reduce their risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases. Research has linked the stability and emotional support provided by monogamous marriage with better physical and mental health.

What percent of married couples are monogamous? ›

This means that of all marriages, 58 per cent are monogamous. Only men in the top 10 per cent of status married more than two women. The most wives that anyone has is four.

It hasn't been the historical norm, it isn't the cultural norm in all current societies, and lots of people fail to remain monogamous despite their stated intention to do so.

Monogamy does exist in nature, as, of course, do females who seek out multiple partners. But nature does seem to push things in the direction of polygyny on our branch of the evolutionary tree. Among mammals, just 9 percent of species are monogamous; among primates, just 29 percent are.

Not many species are strictly monogamous, people might be more polygamous than you would think. Humans aren't sexually monogamous in the sense that many birds are. Geese form lifelong couples and virtually never mate with anyone except their partner.

Humans are now mostly monogamous, but this has been the norm for just the past 1,000 years. Scientists at University College London believe monogamy emerged so males could protect their infants from other males in ancestral groups who may kill them in order to mate with their mothers.

Franklin Veaux, author of More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory, argues that humans are naturally polyamorous, naturally monogamous, and naturally asexual. Humans are remarkably variable compared to any other animal, and therefore comparisons really can't be made.

The bottom line is that monogamy is hard and we are not biologically built for it. Despite the human desire to be heard, seen and loved in a romantic lifetime partnership, our natural urges for sexual exploration are arguably stronger.

It is thought that our collective forebears shed their sexual spurs around 800,000 years ago, the Guardian reported. As a result, it is likely that these extinct peoples were predominantly monogamous just like us. So yes, they were faithful despite sleeping outside their species.

Health and well-being

By practicing sexual exclusivity with one partner, individuals reduce their risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases. Research has linked the stability and emotional support provided by monogamous marriage with better physical and mental health.