Bed sharing has its problems. Your bed partner might snore, hog the covers or wake you up too early.
But it also brings benefits in terms of intimacy, warmth, protection and space saving. For these reasons, bed sharing has been practised and highly valued in many cultures.
These two posts compare attitudes to bed sharing in Japan and in Britain.
Anshinkan
Soine (co-sleeping) is a common practice in Japanse families, with parents sharing sleeping spaces with children until around the age of ten.
When explaining what soine means to them, families emphasise the importance of anshinkan. Anshinkan refers to the feelings of contentment and security that come from the intimacy of soine.
soine (co-sleeping)
kawa no ji (child between the parents)
anshinkan (feelings of contentment, relief, security)
jiritsu (independence/interdependence)
Soine
Traditionally co-sleeping in Japan is in the form of kawa no ji, with the child sleeping in between the parents.
It is sometimes used as a solution to lack of space in a household, or so that parents and babies experience less sleep disturbance as they do not have to get up in the night to tend to the baby. It also means that parents are close to children in an emergency, like an earthquake.
The main reason for co-sleeping is to foster feelings of connection and security within families. Through the sensations of soine –the warmth of bodily intimacy, the touch of skin and the feel of the futon and the floor on which it is placed – the members of the family develop a deep connection with one another and with the shared living-space.
These feelings of warmth, comfort, security, connection and wholeness are summed up in the word anshinkan.
Connected via futon
The flexibility of the futon (the traditional Japanese bed) is important in developing anshinkan.
Although western-style beds are common in modern Japanese households, the futon is generally used for soine. The futon is quite different from a bedframe and mattress, which is rooted in one room and generally associated exclusively with an individual or individual couple (“my room”, “my bed”).
As the family gets larger, futons can be placed side-by-side to create more space to sleep. If an older child becomes unsettled, a futon can be moved into their bedroom temporarily for a parent to sleep on, recreating a sense of soine for a short time.
This flexibility, and blurring of ownership aids in developing the intimate connections between family members, and between family and home that make up anshinkan.
Jiritsu
The child moves to their own room around the age of ten and becomes jiritsu. Jiritsu is often translated as ‘independence’, but the sociologist Diana Tahhan argues that this should be more properly understood as ‘interdependence’. Although the family has lost the physical closeness of soine, they retain the feelings of anshinkan.
The intimacy of the room becomes our intimacy. And correlatively, intimate space has become so quiet, so simple, that all the quietude of the room, it is in us. We no longer see it. It no longer limits us, because we are in the very ultimate depth of its repose, in the repose that it has conferred upon us. And all our former rooms come and fit into this one. How simple everything is!
Gaston Bachelard, The Poetics of Space (1964), quoted in Diana Adis Tahhan, ‘Sensuous Connections in Sleep’
Separate bedrooms?
During an interview with the anthropologist Inge Daniels in 2002-3, Mr Togo, an architect born in 1952 living in Tokyo, explained that his generation aspired to be able to provide their children with private bedrooms, “because it is something we could never have ourselves”.
However, in the twenty-first century it is not uncommon for different generations of the one family to sleep together, and most children below the age of elementary school sleep with their parents.
In 2006 Daniels interviewed a family with elementary school aged children who had decided against giving their daughter her own room, and remained sleeping together as a family on futons.
“Until a few years ago it was considered good to have a children’s room just like people in Europe. But recently, cases in which families cannot create smooth internal relationships have increased. That is why the view that it is good to be [sleep] together as a family is re-gaining popularity.”
EXPLORE FURTHER
See
Visit Susan Andrews (photographer) gallery of images from homes in Japan. The third photograph shows futons folded in the corner of a tatami room.
Read
Diana Adis Tahhan, The Japanese Family: Touch, Intimacy and Feeling (2014)
As an enthusiast with a deep understanding of cultural practices, particularly in Japan, I'd like to delve into the intricacies of bed sharing and co-sleeping, as highlighted in the article comparing attitudes in Japan and Britain.
In Japan, the practice of Anshinkan Soine, or co-sleeping, is deeply rooted in familial bonds. Families engage in this practice, with parents sharing sleeping spaces with their children until around the age of ten. Anshinkan, a crucial concept, refers to the feelings of contentment and security derived from the intimacy of co-sleeping. This practice is often manifested in the form of kawa no ji, where the child sleeps between the parents.
The word Soine encapsulates the sensations experienced during co-sleeping – the warmth of bodily intimacy, the touch of skin, and the unique feel of the traditional Japanese futon and the floor. The futon, despite the prevalence of Western-style beds, plays a significant role in fostering connections within the family. Its flexibility allows for creative sleeping arrangements, such as placing futons side-by-side to accommodate a growing family or temporarily moving a futon to a child's room during unsettled times.
Anshinkan is further enhanced by the concept of Jiritsu, typically occurring when the child moves to their own room around the age of ten. While translated as 'independence,' sociologist Diana Tahhan argues for understanding it as 'interdependence.' The family loses physical closeness during this transition, yet the feelings of Anshinkan persist.
The article also touches upon the evolving trend of separate bedrooms. While there was a historical aspiration for private bedrooms, contemporary Japan sees multi-generational families and children below elementary school age often sharing sleeping spaces. This shift reflects a renewed appreciation for the familial benefits of co-sleeping, as opposed to the previous inclination towards individual bedrooms.
To truly grasp the essence of these cultural practices, one must appreciate the role of the futon – not just as a sleeping surface but as a flexible symbol that adapts to the evolving dynamics within a family. The Japanese concept of Anshinkan, rooted in warmth, comfort, security, connection, and wholeness, becomes a guiding principle in understanding the profound cultural significance of bed sharing in Japan.
