crop tops at work, arguing with a client, and more (2024)

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. Wearing crop tops at work

Yesterday in a one-on-one meeting with my supervisor, the topic of dress code came up because of an apparent (and unknowing) violation on my part. No dress code had been shared at my hiring, and when I asked about one, I was told one still does not exist for the company. I ended up having to clarify what was being said because it clearly made them uncomfortable, and they were having a hard time saying anything concrete. Eventually I was able to establish that I am not to wear cropped tops to work, which I will occasionally wear under a blazer but remove the blazer around the office when it is very warm. I work in an office that is not public-facing, and if anyone who is not an employee is going to be in the office, a general notice has to be given to staff.

My supervisor started by giving vague references to the potential of a client coming into the office and that me appearing in garments that show any portion of my stomach would make them uncomfortable due to “cultural differences.” This is a very casual workplace, so I am surprised this is even coming up as an issue; the finance director and HR manager wear yoga pants all the time. I see other employees either wear no bras in a way that is very obvious, have visible undergarments, and/or wear ill-fitting garments to the point their stomachs are visible. I am frustrated because no dress code was established at my hiring, nor is there one now for me to reference. I feel I am being singled out. How should I approach this situation?

Well … crop tops wouldn’t be okay in most offices, even in ones without formal dress codes.

Now, should they have a writtendress code if they actually do have restrictions on what you can wear, rather than expecting you to figure it out for yourself? Yes! Do a lot of offices not bother to, and instead count on people to pick it up through osmosis? Also yes. But crop tops, as a general rule, aren’t typically office-appropriate — and that’s true even in offices where people wear yoga pants or ill-fitting clothes. So it’s not an inherently outrageous request: no crop tops / no clothes deliberately designed to expose your midriff.

That said, if other people are wearing crop tops and not being spoken to, that’s a problem and it’s worth asking about. It sounds, though, like that might not be the case (a shirt that rides up occasionally isn’t the same as a crop top that’s intended to expose your stomach by design). But if they are wearing them, it’s reasonable to say, “Can I get clarification about the dress code? I do see others in crop tops at work, so I’m trying to understand exactly what the rule is.” And I’m not sure what was up with the reference to “cultural differences,” but if you feel your culture, race, or ethnicity might be playing a role here, that’s worth looking at more closely too.

2. Should I have argued with a client on a call?

I just had a situation happen that I’m wondering if you could shed any light on. I run my own business and was just running a meeting with a small group of clients. I made a Zoom meeting and sent invites to all the clients through Google calendar the week beforehand. About 30 minutes before the meeting time, one of the clients, Fergus, emailed me saying (in a clearly annoyed manner) that he hadn’t received an invitation. I double checked and an invite had gone out to him, but I responded immediately, apologizing profusely and copy-pasting the link to the Zoom meeting.

Fergus apparently did not receive this email either, because he showed up to the meeting 20 minutes late after having had to get the Zoom link from his assistant. When he showed up, he was furious and interrupted everyone to complain that I had never sent him the link and hadn’t replied to his email asking for it. I told him that I’d sent him a Google Calendar invite and also had replied to his email; he replied that he hadn’t gotten either and went off about how inconsiderate I’d been of his very busy schedule. (He is of an older generation than I am and doesn’t seem particularly tech savvy.) I was about to look through my sent emails to find the timestamp so I could better defend myself, but realized that the other clients were getting impatient already and that me taking up meeting time to fight with Fergus would probably look quite unprofessional. So I ended up quickly saying, “Well, you made it and that’s what matters” and getting back to task. However, Fergus was hostile to me for the rest of the meeting, continuously referencing my lack of courtesy to him, and it was somewhat unproductive as a result.

I now know that I should’ve checked whether Fergus had accepted the calendar invite prior to the meeting, but I’m wondering if I should’ve handled the meeting differently. Fergus is luckily not a client I will need to deal with again, but it does upset me that he derailed this meeting based on an impression that is objectively false. I could easily have put a screenshot of the email and invitations I sent to him in the Zoom chat to prove him wrong. Should I have done that, or pushed back in other ways?

Once Fergus made it an issue and started getting hostile, at that point your biggest priority needed to be the other clients on the call — who definitely shouldn’t have had to sit through an argument (or wait for you to find the email you sent, etc.). Your attempt to redirect things back to the agenda with “you made it and that’s what matters” was exactly right.

When Fergus continued to make comments throughout the meeting about your “lack of courtesy” to him, it probably would have sense to say, “I’m happy to talk with you about this after the meeting, but during this call I want to respect everyone’s time and get through our agenda.” And frankly, you would have been well within your rights to mute him if he continued disrupting the call.

He sounds like a jerk, so I’m glad you’re not going to work with him again.

3. Rejecting an internal candidate when they’re the only applicant for the position

I recently inherited two under-staffed, low-performing teams, and have been working to get them moving in a better direction. One of the first things I noticed is the teams lacked leadership and were locked in endless re-litigation of decisions and spent more time discussing what to do than actually doing the work. One of the first decisions I made was to create lead/manager positions for both teams as they needed more detailed attention than I was going to be able to give. Unfortunately, one of our biggest handicaps is that the hiring market right now is not great for finding high-level people, and our director of recruiting hasn’t been able to get good candidates for one of the open spots.

This leads me to my current headache. One of my most difficult employees applied for the position. While their work is technically decent, their prickly personality had already led to the team entirely ignoring their work and even disinviting them to meetings. So, I had shifted them to a different team where they could work on less collaborative projects since their solo work was reasonable and I’m already understaffed. They are completely unsuitable for the team lead position.

I know you’ve covered how to tell internal candidates that you’ve gone with someone else. But how do you tell someone that they aren’t getting the role, even though they are the only current applicant for it?

Have you been honest with the person before now about the issues you see in their relations with others? Ideally you have, and you can cite those conversations now in explaining that the new role requires strong skills in relationship-building and collaboration. But if you haven’t been direct about those issues previously, you have to now — and that’s a good thing, because that’s something this person needs feedback on regardless. So be direct! “This role requires strong skills in relationship-building and collaboration, and those have been areas where I’ve seen you struggle. For example, ____ (fill in with specifics). If you’re interested in this type of role in the future, we can work on those things going forward.”

4. Does a super fast interview invitation mean they’re not really interested?

Do you find it strange when a fairly famous company gives you a super-fast and positive response to your application, along with an invitation to a video interview?

I submitted my application on Friday evening. I received a positive response around 10:30 am on the Monday after the weekend. How could they look through all the files and the creative portfolio I sent them and already make the decision to interview me in just 1-2 hours?

Do you think they’re genuinely interested, or is it more like the HR person wants to practice their interviewing skills and I was the next best person to come along? Or maybe they just want to do market research or something?

The company had no open vacancies and did not solicit applications/submissions. I sent mine in because I wanted to try my luck. So I’m a bit surprised but also a nervous about whether they’re really interested.

You should assume they’re genuinely interested. Application screening is a lot faster than most candidates realize; most resume-screeners can tell in less than a minute if they’re going to move you forward or reject you. Looking at a portfolio obviously can take longer, but that’s often a very quick scan at this stage too. In that 1-2 hours you cited, they could have flipped through 100 applications, or even more.

It’s also not really a thing for HR people to set up interviews just to practice their interviewing skills. Assume they’re genuinely interested in you!