Cthulhu vs. Kraken (2024)

Description[]

Get ready for tides to turn and skies to blacken as two titanic monsters of the ocean from fiction and legend go blow for blow. It's safe to say that people don't need the ocean anymore after this.

Interlude[]

Hiro: Ever since we've dared to explore the gloomy waters of the ocean, we've always wondered what beings live in our uncharted oceans, whether it be radioactive-powered dinosaur kaiju, gigantic marine life or even aliens from the Nebula far beyond our solar system. The ocean is home to presumably any of those things theoretically, but when it comes to true titans of the sea, these two take the cake by miles.

MBStarscream: And don't think we mean that metaphorically, for we mean it literally.

Hiro: Cthulhu, the High Priest of the Great Old Ones.

MBStarscream: And the Kraken, no real introduction needed.

Hiro: I'm Hiro Hamada.

MBStarscream: I'm MBStarscream.

Hiro: And it's our job to examine both warriors' strength, abilities, weapons, and weaknesses to see who would win in a fight.

Cthulhu[]

Hiro: H.P. Lovecraft, a single man who trailed behind a million words, filling our minds with deities, entities and beings far beyond our supposed comprehension, supposedly making us small and insignificant to the point that our very existence in this universe is no more than a microbe to his many creations of eldritch horror. But out of all of Lovecraft's unspeakable beings, one of them sticks out like no other.

MBStarscream: Say hello to the Great Old One himself, Cthulhu. Cthulhu was born on the planet Vhoorl, located in the 23rd nebula. He traveled to the star Zoth where he spawned his offspring. Along with his children and the Star Spawn of Cthulhu, Cthulhu travelled to Saturn and then to Earth. They landed on a continent in the Pacific Ocean and built the cityR'lyeh.

Hiro: Cthulhu received resistance from the Elder Things who also lived on the planet. They waged war for the planet Earth until a truce was made. Cthulhu then went into a deep hibernation within R'lyeh. Humanity then evolved on Earth and Cthulhu communicated with several through dreams, resulting in the Cult of Cthulhu. Disaster then struck R'lyeh, sinking it into the ocean. R'lyeh has risen from the ocean for brief amounts of time. However, it is fated that R'lyeh will rise from the ocean permanently and Cthulhu will retake the world.

MBStarscream: In most of the stories, Cthulhu lays dormant deep under the ocean within the sunken city of R'lyeh, but can still influence the world via many telepathic powers and, of course, his many cults and otherworldly minions. It is said that once Cthulhu is fully awakened, he shall rise from the depths and end the world; thankfully for humanity, Cthulhu has yet to do so. However, he came close in the 1920s when a group of sailors came across his sunken city of R'lyeh, which had been brought to the surface by the alignment of the stars.

Hiro: They opened up one of the strange buildings, only for Cthulhu to exit it and attack them. The creature only halted its attack when the sailors used their ship to cut him in half. As they sailed away, they could see Cthulhu reforming into a whole being again. The world would have ended then but for the fact that R'lyeh suddenly sunk as the stars moved out of position. The resulting powerful current not only dragged Cthulhu into the building he had been trapped in, but also closed the door behind him, thus trapping him yet again.

MBStarscream: It should be noted that although by human comprehension Cthulhu is both omnipotent and omniscient, he is not close to the top of the power hierarchy of Lovecraftian lore, and therefore carries the title of "High Priest". Even though Cthulhu is hinted at being omnipotent, he rarely, if never uses remote fractions of said power; it can be assumed that since Cthulhu is nigh-immortal in terms of both being eternal and 'un-killable', the being does not need to put forth any effort as no matter what happens it will eventually get what he wants.

Hiro: In addition, the "type" of immortality that Cthulhu has is beyond what most can comprehend, as he is said to outlast death itself. It should be noted that although many "powers" are listed, Cthulhu only has his physicality and psychic ability at it's disposal. However, Cthulhu's psychic ability is, by every definition of the word, limitless. This limitlessness combined with a knowledge of everything across the multiverse grants Cthulhu the ability to control every facet of reality at will with ease. Arguably Cthulhu's most notable trait is the fact that he, alongside the rest of Great Old Ones, cannot be comprehended by humans; when a human so much as looks at a visage of Cthulhu, they will almost certainly be driven mad.

MBStarscream: Cthulhu is said to have a world-wide 'doomsday cult' centered in Arabia. The Cult of Cthulhu has followers scattered across the entire world, and the cult itself has survived through the centuries. The cult's behind-the-scenes activities play a major role in both H.P.L and Derleth's stories, and through them Cthulhu can continue to implicitly exert his influence while it dreams in R'lyeh. The supposedly immortal leaders of Cthulhu's cult are said to reside in the secluded mountains of China.

Hiro: This cult is portrayed as nihilistic in nature and seeks to awaken the Old Ones and bring about an apocalyptic age of darkness in which, according to some stories, men would be reduced to screaming and ripping both themselves and each other apart in fits of madness. Though humans might worship Cthulhu as he lies sleeping, they are immaterial to his grand design. Cthulhu is also worshiped by the horrific Deep Ones and the Mi-go, other alien beings in Lovecraft's world.

MBStarscream: Cthulhu also has numerous "star-spawn" at his disposal, as the star-spawn of Cthulhu are beings who arrived on Earth with Cthulhu. Like Cthulhu, they can mutate their shapes, but always retain their master's distinctive outline albeit smaller. The nature of the "star-spawn" and their relationship with Cthulhu is not widely known. After coming to Earth, the star-spawn built a great basalt city called R'lyeh on an island in the Pacific Ocean. They warred briefly with the Elder Things, the creators of mankind, but thereafter established a treaty. When R'lyeh sank, most of the star-spawn became trapped beneath the sea with Cthulhu.

Hiro: There is a misconception among many that a boat killed, or banished, Cthulhu. As amusing as that sounds, it is simply not the case. The boat, however, was able to temporarily harm Cthulhu since Cthulhu was left in a weakened state after briefly 'waking up' from his death-like hibernation. Further, the main reason that Cthulhu did not pursue the ship was that he was simply disinterested. It is cited that Cthulhu went back to sleep because the stars were not right; it wasn't time for him to awaken.

MBStarscream: There is another misconception that Cthulhu is "trapped" in R'lyeh. It should be noted that this is not true, as evidence by his emergence when Gustaf Johansen and his companions came close to R'lyeh, as Cthulhu came out to investigate their arrival with his own eyes, before going back to sleep. In any work, it is never said that Cthulhu is captive or imprisoned in his own sunken city. However, it is regarded in the work as a tomb, which might have brought about the misconception. R'lyeh is considered Cthulhu's tomb due to the death-like way Cthulhu "sleeps" whilst he dreams and waits.

Hiro: With all of Cthulhu's greatest attributes, it is safe to keep in mind that he's not the exact god that he used to be. Sure he's considered a deity of great power, but with the stars not in place, he is immensely weakened or slowed down due to his true power not being achieved. Plus, he is able to be removed from the battlefield or prone to being knocked out.

MBStarscream: But if you put an alarm clock in front of this guy's face while he's sleeping, it's your funeral. Please, for the love of all that is holy, don't interrupt Cthulhu's nap, alright? Cuz he'll kill you for it. Horrifically. Just like my mom does.

H.P. Lovecraft: When the stars were right, They could plunge from world to world through the sky; but when the stars were wrong, They could not live.

Kraken[]

Hiro: For years, pirates and sailors alike have told tales of a beast with unfathomable power. Some say it's big enough to outsize the biggest of ships, others say it's a grim reaper of the seas taking those unfortunate to the afterlife. Others even go so far to say that it is so big that it rivals the size of islands.

MBStarscream: When this overgrown piece of calamari is introduced, all you'll see is an overhead shot of a small boat on top of a much larger shadow in the water — and "small boat" ranges from fishing ship to aircraft carrier.Its name strikes fear into even the bravest and boldest of sea explorers. That name is none other than... the Kraken. Ugh, just saying it should give you an idea about this beast.

Hiro: The Kraken is a legendary sea monster of gargantuan size, said to have dwelt off the coasts of Norway and Iceland. The sheer size and fearsome appearance attributed to the creature has made it a common ocean-dwelling monster in various fictional works. With size and brawn on its side, even the sturdiest of boats have been known to fall to its tentacles. Even if sailors try getting an upper hand with their artillery, with its keen intellect, the Kraken can haul their transport down to the bottom effortlessly.

MBStarscream: You'd think something this unnaturally huge would be a slow mover, right? Wrong! With its pristine body, the Kraken can void itself along the ocean floor despite its bulky frame. By the way, what does the Kraken even eat?

Hiro: Good question. As said in multiple tales, the Kraken is an angler waiting for food to come to it, usually eating fish or any other unsuspecting animal that venture too close towards it, not unlike the anglerfish we're used to seeing in our own waters. This also includes pirates and ships usually fishing over its own body, unaware that it wasn't an island they were getting too close to.

MBStarscream: The Kraken is quite a beast in combat. With its near worldwide acknowledgement, it's been known to be a truly terrifying marvel and for some reason, people debate whether or notthe Kraken actually exists outside of mythology to this very day.

Hiro: But while its power and size help it in the playing field, the Kraken is not invincible. It's still a basic animal with no supernatural or magical powers, instead relying on its gargantuan strength, tentacles and beak in combat. While truly gigantic in size, the Kraken is said to still be a mortal being with limits to its durability, and its size can be its biggest weakness when it comes to mobility.

MBStarscream: Even so, this titanic monster has proven itself to be the ocean's highlight again and again for centuries. Whenever you see clouds forming or seas beginning to rumble, stay the hell out of the Kraken's way.

Hades: Brother. It is time for the mortals to pay. My child waits to do your will.

Zeus: Release the Kraken!

Fatal Fiction[]

Mario flips a coin.

Hiro: Well, the Kraken's territory advantage has Cthulhu outclassed, but can it gain another victim, or will the Great Old One prove that he deserves his title?

MBStarscream: Don't you mean, tidal? Eh? Eh?

Hiro: Yes, Starscream. Your thousandth failed attempt at humor is understood and appreciated. Now let's get down to business, shall we?

MBStarscream: (singly loudly) TO DEFEAT! THE HUNS!

Hiro: Ugh, just start it up!

The coast of Norway

The monstrous storm had no mercy to offer; it was the worst Norway had suffered in quite some time. Any ship or boat unfortunate enough to be sailing out here were tossed around like rag dolls and crushed by waves too deadly for any surfer. Aircraft would be sent flying all over the sky, thrown about by the screaming wind, and eventually be put out of their misery upon landing in the water, where... something was waiting.

One being didn't mind, as long as he found what he was looking for.

His dragon-like wings propelling his mountain-sized body through the air, a monster of vaguely humanoid shape with a squid-like face glided over the seas of Norway, his eyes scanning the water underneath him. Upon deciding that he had done enough flying, Cthulhu ceased flapping his wings and landed feet-first in the water, his arrival punctuated by a deafening crash of lightning. He reared his head back and put in the air an unholy roaring sound while spreading his wings to make himself look even bigger than he already was.

As if in response to the Great Old One's challenge, eight huge (And I do mean huge) tentacles emerged from the water, rearing up like the world's biggest cobras, followed by an equally colossal mantle of some sort. This unnatural thing let out a sound of its own, telling Cthulhu that he was trespassing and he had no right to come here unannounced. This wasn't a mere squid. It was none other than the Kraken, and it was far from happy with this intruder.

Where most would be out of there in a flash, Cthulhu only snorted in response. Who was an insignificant animal to tell a cosmic god what to do? He had come to Norway upon his awakening to confirm whether or not the legends were true, and now that the truth was standing before him, he would rather do a million things than leave now.

Such as having a good fight with what was hopefully a worthy opponent.

FIGHT!

The Kraken's first move was to swim in Cthulhu's direction with its mantle pointed directly at the Sleeper of R'lyeh. Cthulhu was ready, however, and evaded the Kraken's lunge by flying into the air. As the Kraken pointed its body downward, its tentacles managed to grab Cthulhu's legs, dragging the surprised deity with it in the process. Cthulhu flapped his wings valiantly, but it was no use. He reached down and forced the Kraken's tentacles to let go of him. He then grabbed the Kraken's tentacles and flew upward until he burst out of the water, carrying the Kraken with him.

He threw the Kraken over his shoulders, and the island-sized cephalopod landed in the water with a tremendous splash. Cthulhu flew down after it and grabbed its tentacles again. He threw the Kraken to his left and waited until the Kraken turned to face him. The two leviathans swam toward one another, but just as they were about to collide, the Kraken ducked underneath Cthulhu as the Great Old One flew above it. They both turned to face one another, and Cthulhu narrowed his eyes while growling. The Kraken returned its own sound before Cthulhu charged again.

Bad move.

The Kraken's tentacles wrapped around Cthulhu's head and its beak bit into the Great Dreamer's skull. Cthulhu wildly waved his arms around until he found the Kraken's body and pulled with all his might, occasionally punching the Kraken's mantle as well. The Kraken was eventually forced to let go as Cthulhu finally pushed it away from him. Roaring loudly, Cthulhu reached out with his arms, only for the Kraken to grab his limbs with its tentacles. Realizing his mistake, Cthulhu tried to free his arms, but it was too late; the Kraken already him trapped in its iron grip.

Unleashing another roar to express his fury, Cthulhu flew to the surface again, dragging the Kraken with him. It was only when the two combatants burst from the water that the Kraken released Cthulhu's arms, but before it could land in the safety of the water, Cthulhu grabbed one of its tentacles, suspending the Kraken in mid-air. Its eyes widened as Cthulhu carried it into the air until he did an impressive u turn and descended. The Kraken made sounds of distress as it plummeted with Cthulhu into the water, the two elder horrors disappearing beneath the vast liquid. Cthulhu dragged the Kraken further and further down until he released his opponent's tentacles and vanished into the darkness.

The Kraken practically spun 360 degrees as it scanned the waters in search of its adversary. It wasn't looking hard enough apparently, as a gigantic shadow with wings was lurking just underneath the cryptid. The shadow started flapping its wings, and Cthulhu came charging at full force.

It was too late for the Kraken to react; within seconds, Cthulhu reached its tentacles, gripped them tightly, pulled the Kraken downward and kicked it with both feet, pushing it back. Now that it was face-to-face with Cthulhu once again, the Kraken made a sound of pure anger and swam in Cthulhu's direction, slamming into the High Priest of the Great Old Ones with the force of two trains colliding. Cthulhu smashed a fist down onto the Kraken's mantle, forcing it to point its body downward. Planting a foot on the Kraken's body, Cthulhu pushed the cephalopod away from him. Its body still pointing down, the Kraken started to swim in that direction as Cthulhu followed.

Just as Cthulhu was about to grab the Kraken's tentacles, the squid veered to the right. Cthulhu was forced to come to a halt by flapping his wings vigorously until he was able to stop. He let out a loud roar, telling the Kraken to do less fleeing and more fighting. The Kraken's answer was to turn around and swim straight at Cthulhu, but before it could slam into him again, Cthulhu grabbed the Kraken's mantle with one hand and held it in what almost looked like a choke-hold. With a mighty blow, Cthulhu decked the Kraken right in the side of its mantle, sending it reeling to the left.

Upon recovering from the attack, the Kraken wrapped all of its tentacles around Cthulhu's torso and drove its beak into the deity's abdomen. Cthulhu desperately slammed his fists onto the Kraken three times, and when that failed, the Great Old One came to the surface and held onto the Kraken's mantle while pulling with all of his strength. His nails cut through the Kraken's skin, resulting in blue blood seeping out of the wounds. Still holding Cthulhu tightly, the Kraken pulled back until it managed to drag the leader of the Star Spawn into the water. Cthulhu pounded and pounded on the Kraken as the two monsters sunk.

...

...

...

...

RI-II-II-II-P!

The Kraken finally let go as Cthulhu tossed its amputated tentacle like trash. He reached forward and tore off another tentacle. And another... and another... and another...

Now truly frightened, the Kraken tried to make a hasty retreat, but Cthulhu wouldn't be having it. Holding the Kraken tightly by its remaining tentacles, Cthulhu came to the surface, flew hundreds of feet into the air, spun the Kraken around in a circle and threw it away. It sailed through the air and skidded across the water. But Cthulhu wasn't finished; he flew in the Kraken's direction, picked up its ginormous body and pulled out one of its eyes, crushing it like a grape. He then flew higher and higher until he exited Earth's atmosphere and threw the Kraken into space, where it would float as a lifeless corpse from now on.

Cthulhu watched the dead cephalopod float away before turning back to Earth and flying back into the water, where he would rest once more.

FATALITY!

Results[]

MBStarscream: Hmm, wonder what calamari would taste like in space.

Hiro: The Kraken's size was enough to keep Cthulhu at bay for a while, but this was a fight it could not win with size, brute strength and tentacles alone. Nearly everywhere else, Cthulhu had enough advantages to ultimately take the win.

MBStarscream: Let's start by comparing their physical stats. The Kraken can rip ships apart, but Cthulhu is implied to have destroyed stars, which is pretty powerful. Unless the Kraken's fight with Perseus proved that it had incredible strength, Cthulhu wins this category hands down.

Hiro: Cthulhu also flew to Earth from Xoth, a distant binary star, putting him at vastly greater speed than the Kraken. Both might be close when it comes to durability, since they both can survive at the deepest depths of the ocean, but Cthulhu tanked living inside a star, so that would make him more durable than something that simply survived gunshots and cannonballs.

MBStarscream: The Kraken may have been around since the 18th century, but Cthulhu is so old, that if you were to write out his age, it would have 120 zeroes in it. That's much older than the upper estimate for the age of the universe, meaning this is only one of many universes that Cthulhu has seen come and go. This gives Cthulhu a hell of a lot more experience in combat, especially considering the fact that the Kraken only fights pirates, sailors and ships.

Hiro: One thing the Kraken is noted to have that Cthulhu doesn't is intelligence. While that could help the Kraken outsmart Cthulhu, Cthulhu's telepathy makes a good counter against any intelligence the Kraken has. In conclusion, both of these abominations are to be feared for their great strength, but Cthulhu's superior physicality, healing factor, telepathy, and his familiars helped him win the day.

MBStarscream: I guess you could say the Kraken needs its personal space.

Hiro: Cthulhu wins.

Advantages[]

Cthulhu (Winner)[]

• Stronger
• Faster
• More durable
• Older and more experienced in actual combat
• Better regeneration
• More versatile

Polls[]