Etiquette | Sutter Health (2024)

Your parents probably often remind you to say "please," "excuse me," and "thank you," but did you know that there are lots of other social rules that you should be aware of? Here are some of them to help you out. By far, the most important thing to guide your manners is the "Golden Rule": Treat others as you would want to be treated.

By minding your manners, your friends and other kids will look up to you, and adults will be impressed with your maturity.

Telephone Etiquette

When you answer the telephone or call someone, remember these tips.

• Never call before 7 a.m. on weekdays, before 9:30 a.m. on weekends, or after 9 p.m. any day of the week to make sure that you don't wake someone up.
• Don't call during dinner time.
• When you call a friend and someone in their family answers the phone, introduce yourself and say: "Hi, this is [insert your name here]. May I please speak to [insert your friend's name]?" Always remember to say thank you!
• If you leave a message, wait until after the beep and make sure you leave your name, your phone number and your reason for calling.
• If you accidentally dial the wrong number, say that you dialed incorrectly and apologize, then hang up.
• Even though it can be funny and entertaining, don't make prank calls. They are disruptive and annoying to others.
• If you answer the phone, say, "Hello," and wait for the speaker to introduce himself or herself.
• If you answer the phone when no one else is in the house, don't tell the caller you are home alone. Simply say the person with whom they wish to speak cannot come to the phone.
• If the caller asks to speak to someone who is not home, ask if you can take a message or if they would like to be called back. If the caller asks to be called back, make sure you ask for his or her phone number.
• Don't interrupt someone while they are talking. This goes for all conversations, not just on the phone.

Cell Phone Etiquette

Sometimes, people talking on cell phones forget that they are around other people. The same guidelines for talking on a regular telephone apply to cell phone users. Below are some extra rules for talking on your cell phone.

• If you're going somewhere quiet, put your phone on vibrate.
• Turn your phone off at school.
• If it's not appropriate to be on your cell phone but you're expecting an important call, set the ringer on low or vibrate and politely excuse yourself when it rings. Explain that it is an important call, and apologize.
• Never shout into your phone. Not everyone around you needs to know that you're mad at your mom or what time you need to be picked up. Be respectful of those around you.
• If you're around other people when you answer your phone, move away and take the call in private. You don't need to involve others in the call.
• If you're at home or with your family, set boundaries on when you'll talk on the phone. If you are at the dinner table, don't answer your cell phone.

If you have a camera phone:

• Never take pictures of people without asking for their permission.
• Don't send messages with pictures before asking the recipient first.

Etiquette in Public

Being "in public" means being anywhere not in your house. This includes being at school, out with your parents or just on the street.

• If you're with a group of people, don't take up the entire sidewalk.
• If someone bumps into you or if you hit someone, say "excuse me" or "sorry."
• Remember that everyone is different, and no one deserves to be made fun of, so never point or stare at people.
• Never throw your trash on the ground. Use the public trash and recycle bins. Pick up trash that other people have dropped, too.
• If someone says "have a nice day," respond with, "thank you. You too."
• If you are on a busy street and need to stop for a moment, step off to the side so you're not in the way of other people.
• If you meet someone for the first time, shake his or her hand and say, "Nice to meet you."
• When someone holds a door open for you, remember to thank him or her. It is also polite to hold doors open for others, especially people in wheelchairs, people on crutches or someone with a stroller.
• If you're on a bus and someone comes on who might need a seat (for example: if they have a baby, are elderly or are injured), offer your seat to him or her.
• Before you get into an elevator, let the people who have arrived at their floor get off first.

Etiquette on the Computer

When you're talking to someone in person or on the phone, they can see the emotion on your face or hear it in your voice. When you type something, the person reading it does not know the attitude behind the words on the screen, so it's important to follow these email guidelines.

• Never type in all capital letters, as the other person might think you are shouting or being mean.
• Always proofread your work to check for typos or grammar mistakes, especially if it's an important email.
• If it's a formal email to an adult or someone important, capitalize at the beginning of a sentence, and don't use abbreviations.
• Be respectful. Don't share other's personal information or your own personal information. Make sure you are safe.
• Keep your note brief and to the point.
• Fill in the subject section at the top of the email.
• If you get junk email, just delete it. Don't forward it to others because it can be annoying and clog up their email.
• Hand-written notes are more personal than emails so, if possible, don't use email for something such as a thank-you note or an invitation.

Etiquette at the Table

Practice these tips whenever you are eating a meal.

• Do not put your elbows on the table.
• Help set the table. A traditional table setting has the napkin and fork to the left of the plate, and the knife (the blade facing the plate), the spoon and the cup to the right of the plate.
• Fancier table settings can include many different forks, knives and spoons for different courses. Just remember that the utensil farthest from the plate is for the first course. Use the utensils in order from outside to nearest the plate for the later courses.
• Finish chewing and swallowing before you start talking. Try not to chew with your mouth open.
• Eat with your silverware, not your hands (unless it's finger food).
• If you can't reach something, politely ask someone else at the table to hand it to you – don't reach for it.
• Put your napkin on your lap.
• Don't play with your food.
• If you have to sneeze, cover your mouth with your napkin and say, "excuse me."
• If you notice someone has something in his or her teeth, let him or her know quietly, but don't make a big deal out of it.
• If you spill something, help clean it up.
• Sit tall and interact with the other people at the table.
• If you're at home or a guest at someone's house, help clear the table once the meal is finished.
• Before you leave the table, make sure the meal is finished and it's appropriate to leave.

Etiquette When Playing Sports

Sports can bring out the competitive side of people. Manners are important in sports to make sure that no one's feelings get hurt.

• Never be more aggressive than is necessary.
• If you hit someone during the game, apologize after the play is over and ask them if they are OK.
• If someone falls down, help them back up.
• Don't be a sore loser. Think about what you could do differently next time, and stay calm and polite. Congratulate the other team or players, and tell them they played well.
• If you do win, don't brag. It's fine to be happy that you won, but don't celebrate in a way that hurts anyone's feelings.
• Always thank your coach and the referees.
• Shake hands with your opponent at the end of the game.
• If the national anthem plays, stand up, take off your hat and turn toward the flag.

Etiquette for Thank-You Notes and Invitations

Every time you receive a gift, it's important to write a thank you note – the more personal the note is, the better.

• Write a thank-you note as soon as possible after receiving a gift.
• Thank the person who gave you the gift, even if you didn't particularly like it. You don't have to lie, just thank the person for thinking of you.
• Always make the note personal. You should start by thanking the person for the gift, and then mention why you like it.
• If you're thanking everyone from your party, do not write them all the same note. It is perfectly fine to repeat lines, but everyone gave you a different gift and deserves a personal note.

When you create an invitation, make sure it includes everything the guests need to know so that they don't have to keep calling to ask about something you left out.

• It 's always better to mail the invites than to email them.
• Always include the following information in an invitation: the type of party (for example, a birthday or surprise party), who the party is for, when and where the party is taking place, and to whom and by when the invitee should RSVP. Also, include any other information the invitee might need to know – such as directions to the party.

Etiquette at Other People's Houses

Although your family may not be strict about manners, you never know how other families feel – so follow these guidelines when you are not at home.

• Take your hat off when you enter a house or building unless it's part of your outfit and is more formal and dressed-up, or is a religious head covering.
• If no one else in the house is wearing shoes, take your shoes off, especially if they are dirty or wet.
• When at a friend's house, don't leave your friend and go off on your own.
• Unless you know the family well, wait for them to offer you something to eat or drink; don't help yourself.
• After dinner, bring your plate into the kitchen.
• If you sleep over at a friend's house and you and your friend stay up late, keep quiet so you do not wake others in the house. If they hear you all night, they might not invite you back.

Etiquette for Greetings or Introductions

A first impression is a lasting impression. Every time you greet adults, you should follow these rules.

• Look them in the eye.
• Stand up, even if it is not your first time meeting them.
• Shake their hand (always put out your right hand).
• Say some sort of greeting such as, "Nice to see you, [insert person's name here (example: Ms. Smith)]."
• When introducing two people to each other, say the person's name and how you know them. When addressing someone, call a man "Mr.," a woman who is married "Mrs.," and a woman who is not married "Miss" or "Ms."
• Unless an adult tells you to call him or her by their first name, address this person as Mr., Mrs., Miss or Ms.

Etiquette in Other Parts of the World

What is polite in your country may not be respectful in another country. Here are interesting manners and customs from other parts of the world.

• People always use silverware in Holland, sometimes even to eat bread.
• In Asia, instead of greeting people with a handshake, people bow to each other. The person with a lower status bows lower.
• In the United States, it is polite to look someone in the eye when they are speaking to you but, in some other countries, it is seen as rude to stare someone in the eye when they are speaking.
• In the United States, it is common to whistle while you are applauding but, in other parts of the world, this whistling is seen as rude and similar to booing someone.
• In the United States, nodding your head up and down means "yes" and shaking it side to side means "no." In parts of the Middle East, it is the other way around.
• In Japan, you are supposed to use chopsticks when you eat. Meals usually consist of several larger platters for sharing, instead of individual meals for each person.
• It is considered rude to burp after your meal in Japan, but in different parts of Asia, it is not rude to burp.
• In England, people are more respectful of others in public. They do not push their way through lines and do not make rude comments about others. They also drive on the left side of the road, whereas in the United States, people drive on the right side of the road.
• In many societies, we are taught to not be so friendly with strangers. However, in Ghana, it is rude not to make contact with strangers. For example, in Ghana, it would seem rude if you did not greet and ask the person how they are doing.

Just remember: It takes a while to learn good manners, and no one expects you to be perfect and remember everything you are taught.

Simply try to be on your best behavior and use good manners; you will impress your friends, family and strangers.

Reviewed by: Bernice Kwan

Last reviewed: November 2018