”As the old adage goes: ‘The eyes are the windows to the soul.’ A lot of human communication may be non-verbal. Steady eye contact could be a sign that someone is attracted to you. Many counseling professionals can teach you to become more proficient in non-verbal communication.” - Aaron Dutil, LPC
There are many ways to convey attraction to someone. Some ways are overt, such as classic gifts like candy or flowers. We may gravitate towards the person when we see them, attempting to spend as much time around them as possible. Other times, we may be straightforward and use our words to tell someone that we find them attractive.
Eye Contact Can Be The First Step To Something More
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Some ways of conveying attraction are more subtle than others. Your body language of attraction can be showed in minute ways. Voice inflection is another small way we show our attraction. Doing the little extra things for the person, we are attracted to is yet another way to handle our attraction.
Eye contact can be overt or subtle, depending on the person and situation. Eye contact can display interest, attraction, and curiosity.
Eye Contact Is Often The First Step
; your eye contact in this setting signifies an interest in getting to know the other person. It can be an invitation to approach the person and get to know them. Eye contact is a technique used when attracting women or men. Meeting and holding someone’s gaze can get their attention in almost any situation. Getting someone's attention with eye contact can often lead to a better interaction rather than approaching someone with no prior contact.
Eye Contact Communicates Intent
Body language generally communicates a person's thoughts and attitudes in unspoken ways. For example, as a general rule, if you fold the arms and lean back when someone is talking to you, it can communicate being closed off to their ideas or even hostility towards the person. On the other hand, eye contact is an incredibly powerful way to show you’re listening and make a person feel open to your intention.
When you make eye contact with someone you are attracted to, it communicates intentionality. You are purposefully telling them you are looking at them and reading their body language to see if the attraction is mutual. More than any other form of body language, eye contact communicates intent, focus, and attention. In this way, eye contact makes people see your intentions for the conversation and whatever kind of relationship springs forth after that. The power of eye contact is that it has the power to communicate both attraction and indifference.
This communication can be seen outside the world of attraction in job interviews, for example. If you don't make eye contact with your interviewer, they might perceive you as not listening or paying attention. However, with direct eye contact, you communicate focus, intentionality, and confidence. The eye contact behind that winning smile shows the difference between a good candidate and a great one!
The Rest Of The Story
We've discussed how eye contact can get you noticed and communicate attraction, but what next? What else can eye contact do for you?
Once you have the person you are attracted to, eye contact plays a role in communicating. Keeping eye contact while talking with the person is an excellent way to indicate you are listening, comprehend, and pay attention to them. Eye contact communicates continued interest and that you have chosen them to be the focus of your attention.
Also, eye contact attraction dramatically enhances the likelihood that the person you’re talking to will understand you better. A study conducted recently showed that eye contact makes people more receptive to what they’re being told. Listeners at a lecture were exposed to different levels of eye contact as researchers measured indicators of their interest (such as reciprocated eye contact) and the information that the listeners were able to retain from the lecture. During the course of a lecture, eye contact increased retention of the material that was being taught. The listeners found the lecturer more attractive, having focused eye contact, so they listened more intently. This is thought to show the link between the attractor and opening fundamental understandings of human interaction and communication. So, eye contact profoundly impacts how well a speaker and listener can communicate their messages clearly.
However, the science of eye contact isn’t the only place to look for examples of how eye contact and movement help people communicate. Eye contact isn't the only way to show continued interest, however. Again, other body language cues help communicate a continued attraction. Things like body posture, slightly leaning towards the person and smiling all let them know that you feel attracted to them and enjoy your interaction.
Sometimes, it can be not easy to see that you are reading men's body language of attraction correctly. Body language isn't only about attraction; it is also about social posturing. The man may be putting on an aloof persona or a sense of bravado to project a specific image. In cases like this, eye contact (or the lack thereof) can be highly telling of the man's true intentions.
The same goes for women. Often socialization and cultural expectations of how a woman is supposed to act can cause her to perform a role rather than be genuine with body language or even verbal language. Here again, eye contact is a marker that is hard to fake and, therefore, can give insight into a person's true feelings.
Eye Contact And Attraction
What is it about eye contact specifically that communicates attraction? Why is it love at first sight and not first conversation? There are a few benefits of eye contact that come into play here.
Eye contact helps us read the person so we can react accordingly. Imagine if you were talking to someone you thought was attractive, but they were wearing mirrored sunglasses. You may be able to talk to them, but it would be a bit of an unbalanced conversation because you would have very little information to go off to help you see if they are interested or not. You would have to rely much more on the tone of voice and body language. Taking away the eyes takes away a considerable way in which we communicate non-verbally. There’s a reason love, at first sight, happens when someone meets our gaze: the power of eye contact goes both ways.
Eye contact also helps us remember what is said. A 2006 study found that when a salesperson looked at the camera more during a video presentation, the people that saw the video were more likely to recall the information. Eye contact makes people more receptive to new information, and big eye contact can have a very persuasive effect. The power of eye contact extends past age-old eyes and love; eye contact can be powerful in all aspects of life, from career to family life.
When we are attracted to someone, we may seek to start a relationship with them. For this to happen, there needs to be more than a one-off encounter. So, it is vital to get to know the other person by remembering what they have said, what they are interested in, what they like about you, and so on. Eye contact can help us remember these details with greater clarity.
When eye gazing occurs, the body releases a small dose of the chemical Oxytocin. Oxytocin is often called "the love hormone" and is associated with social, sexual, and emotional bonding. A hormone is released when we look into each other's eyes that help us create stable bonds. This hormone's release is excellent news for people who are attracted to each other.
Eye Contact And Relationships
They say that the eyes are the windows to the soul. People’s eyes tell us a lot about them. We certainly act as if they are. When we don't want people to know what we're thinking, we tend to avoid their gaze. When we want to open up to someone and invite them into our minds (so to speak), we can look them in the eyes. There is so much that can be learned from someone’s gaze, based on the direction they’re looking at and their eye gaze and movement.
Eye contact matters far more than merely an initial attraction. When we are looking for a long-term relationship or are seeking to strengthen an existing relationship, keeping the practice of eye contact can help form a foundation of open and honest communication.
Eye gazes can be a great way to strengthen the bond between you and your partner. As we have said, the release of Oxytocin creates bonding and the feeling of being in love. It is a great way to communicate to your partner that you still want them, know them, and still want them to know you. Eye contact can make people feel known and loved since eye contact creates and deepens bonds and attachments.
Eye contact is an immensely effective way to build intimacy in any relationship, whether it is a romantic relationship, a family relationship, or a close friendship. Research has shown that children who were shown and practiced making eye contact from an early age were more closely bonded to their families. And, in couples therapy, a popular exercise is to spend time just looking into each other’s eyes since intimacy can be so effectively communicated through the eyes.
Going Beyond Eye Contact
While eye contact can be a great tool in attraction, it takes more than some flirty eyes to cultivate a dating relationship. While there is consciousness heightened by eye contact, you’ll also have to talk to the person you’re attracted to. Verbal communication is always the best route. It is crucial to work towards being upfront about your intentions, being honest about your desires, and being open to what the other person wants and needs. Eye contact coupled with this verbal communication makes for more effective communication.
Healthy relationships take more than body language. They take holistic communication, effort, and the willingness to change and compromise. It can be tricky to navigate them alone. Cultivating healthy relationships is where a licensed therapist can help your relationship, whether it is just beginning or you have been together for 50 years.
Eye Contact Can Be The First Step To Something More
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Therapists can help you move beyond vague connection tactics and go deeper into your bond together. Working through conflict and finding a resolution both partners are happy with is one way a relationship therapist can help. Therapists can also help you work better together, amplifying each other's strengths and supporting each other where there is room for improvement.
Couples therapy is a way to move beyond, relying on attraction only for the foundation of your relationship. Relationship therapy is a way to go deeper, be more intentional, and create a foundation that can weather any storm.
“Sessions with Natalie are very insightful and give practical advice on implementing new habits and changes. Be prepared to engage and be challenged to think in a different way. I know that my partner and I can already see improvements in our relationship and feel more positive about working through our issues together.”
“Austa has been wonderful thus far. She has helped my partner and I during an unimaginably difficult time... She has also guided us in communicating effectively and setting appropriate boundaries in our relationship. I was hesitant to pursue counseling at the beginning, but I truly believe that it is making a difference for our relationship. Austa is easy to talk to and she is a great listener. I would wholeheartedly recommend her as a counselor.”
Eye Contact Matters
While we want to have deep, meaningful relationships, the attraction is essential to keep cultivated no matter how long you have been with your partner. Keeping the attraction factor up can keep the relationship fun, fan the initial spark into a flame, and help the relationship become stale.
Keep practicing that eye contact. You and your partner can enjoy it, have your bond strengthened, and enjoy a flirtatious aspect of the relationship as well.
Even if you're not in a long-term relationship, remember that eye contact is a great way to flirt, show attraction, and get the person's attention. Eye contact opens you up to the possibility of a happy relationship full of vigor, life, and a strong bond between the two of you.
So, use your eyes, no matter where you are in a relationship. Let your attraction be known and open up those windows to your soul.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Does eye contact mean attraction?
While there is a strong relationship between eye contact and attraction, several different emotions and feelings can be signaled by making eye contact. For example, strong eye contact can mean anything from scrutiny to distrust or curiosity to genuine attraction. Eye contact signals attention in most cases, so at the very least, if someone is maintaining strong levels of eye contact with you, it’s a sign that they notice you and give you their attention.
Eye contact is usually accepted as a sign of interest. When someone casts an unconscious glance at another person, and especially if that look is reciprocated, it can show that those people see something interesting or attractive in the other person. This eye contact conveys a definite and clear sign of interest between the two people involved.
What does eye contact mean to a guy?
When it comes to guys, there are different levels of eye contact. For example, if a guy is maintaining eye contact throughout a conversation but not really maintaining eye contact during pauses or lulls in the speaking, then he is probably just being polite. However, if he maintains eye contact without ever breaking eye contact, even when the conversation is paused or dragging on, this deliberate eye contact could signal a deeper interest in you. Basically, undivided and prolonged eye contact can convey that he is more interested in you than you are saying or whatever is happening around you.
Maintaining eye contact throughout your interaction with a guy can send a clear message that you are interested in him and pay attention to what he is saying or doing. If this initial attraction is mutual, you’ll likely notice that he is giving you the same levels of eye contact. If he doesn’t immediately return the eye contact, don’t feel bad! You can continue to use prolonged eye contact to create attraction over time.
Essentially, men are not immune to the old saying that eyes are the windows to the soul. Prolonged eye contact with a guy can be a great way to tell that he is attracted to you, as eye contact and attraction are very much linked. If you lock eyes with him, this can also show him that you are confident and interested in hearing what he has to say. Though strong eye contact can portray attraction, eye contact may become overwhelming when held for too long. If you want to show him that you’re interested, try maintaining a strong level of eye contact for a couple of seconds and then dropping your gaze lower to his lips, chin, or chest. When holding someone’s eyes, he will usually feel the attraction eye contact delivers. If he reciprocates, the eye contact, attraction on his end may be evident as well.
How do you identify eye attraction?
In most cases, eye contact attraction isn’t difficult to identify. However, it is easy to get carried away or read too much into eye contact with people, especially if you already have definite feelings of attraction for that person.
In most conversational settings, maintaining eye contact is considered the polite thing to do. So how do you know if someone is showing eye contact attraction instead of just a normal or polite amount of eye contact? First, check to see if they maintain eye contact even when there’s a pause or lull in the conversation. If they’re showing attraction, eye contact will continue even when the conversation doesn’t. If their eye contact doesn't stop even when the activity or conversation stops, that shows that they’re probably more interested in you than they are in the conversation or whatever else is going on around you.
Does eye contact make you more attractive?
Maintaining eye contact with someone you find attractive is a surefire way to have them take more notice of you. This is because showing attraction eye contact sends the message that you are interested in them, who they are, what they’re saying, and what they do. And, once you’ve made it clear that you’re interested in them, especially if you’re meeting for the first time, they’ll be more likely to show eye contact attraction to you, too!
How can you tell if someone finds you attractive?
The easiest and most obvious way to tell if someone finds you attractive – aside from just asking them point-blank – is paying attention to their body language attraction and eye contact attraction. When it comes to body language, a person who finds you attractive will usually find ways to be close, or closer, to you physically. This can include leaning in when you’re speaking, finding excuses to touch you appropriately during the course of your conversation, or physically inching closer to you as your time together goes on.
If you hold prolonged eye contact while having a conversation with someone or even catch someone’s eyes across the room, it can create a lot of chemistry, or you can feel a small connection with them. Therefore it makes sense that if you can maintain eye contact with someone, they are likely attracted to you. The power of eye contact is also a great way to show someone that you are interested in them, making them more attracted to you. Maintaining a good level of eye contact during the first meeting is key to creating a lasting impression.
How do you tell if he is attracted to you?
If a man is attracted to you, he’ll likely show many signs of body language and eye contact attraction. These signs include leaning in when you speak, touching you when he laughs or when you laugh, or even removing physical items between you.
What does prolonged eye contact mean from a man to a woman?
Undoubtedly, there is something significantly powerful about prolonged and direct eye contact. Depending on who is giving it and under what circ*mstances, this level of eye gaze can mean different things. The most obvious reason for prolonged eye gaze from a man to a woman most likely is that he has noticed you and wants to check you out. A man may also gaze with you to get your attention; this is most common with guys who are shy or afraid of rejection and are not confident to make a move.
How do you tell if someone likes you by their eyes?
Several visual cues can show you that a person likes you. If a person’s eyes become moist, lights up, or glitter whenever they are around you, it may be a signal that they are attracted to you. Raised eyebrows after making eye contact is another body language that can show you that a person is into you. When a person gives you thecopulatory gaze, i.e., gazes into your eyes for a long time, this is a very strong indication that he/she likes you and is trying to express the strength of their feelings to you through their eyes.
Can avoiding eye contact mean attraction?
Yes, avoiding eye contact can be a pretty good sign that a person is into you. For instance, you are in a crowded place, and you notice someone gazing at you, but as soon as your eyes meet, they look away. After some time, you may catch them looking at you again. They probably looked away because they feel embarrassed about having been caught in the act. They probably- well, most likely- have a crush on you, but they are shy, feel intimidated by you, or have some social anxiety. However, please note that avoiding eye contact can mean many things- for example, people may avoid eye contact when lying or hiding something. If their eye contact avoidance is attraction, it is important to consider other body language signals that they show when they are around you. You can also talk to a relationship expert to help you decipher what this body language actually means.
How do you know if a guy finds you beautiful?
Most of the time, when a guy finds a girl beautiful or attractive, he makes it pretty obvious. All you have to do is lookout for the clues because they are never hidden. If a guy loves to maintain eye contact with you when you’re together, or he can’t seem to take his eyes off of you even when you’re amid a large crowd, he definitely finds you attractive. If he loves to spend time with you and smiles a lot whenever he is with you, it is a clear indication that he finds you beautiful. When a guy also finds excuses to touch you- maybe tap you on the shoulder or wipe a crumb off your face, this may very well mean he finds you beautiful. If he peaco*cks a lot when he is around you, i.e., makes extra efforts to look good in front of you, this may indicate he thinks you are really beautiful and wants to match up and impress you.
What does locking eyes with someone mean?
Eye-lock is a very powerful level of eye contact attraction; it has the power to convey deep feelings and emotions. When you lock eyes with someone, it shows you have strong feelings of attraction towards this person. When a guy locks eyes with you, it most likely means he is a very confident and courageous person and wants to use this prolonged look into your eyes to show you that he is interested in you. Locking eyes with someone you find attractive can also be a sign of flirting, and it is actually one of the oldest, most common, and most effective ways of flirting. Locked eyes are a level of eye contact that requires certain chemistry from both people involved. When a man and a woman lock eyes, this brings about an incredible sexual tension between them, making them crave one another like crazy. For people in relationships- whether they have been together for a short or long time- locking eyes shows a sense of trust, deep affection, and a mutual sense of belonging.
How do you tell if someone is attracted to you sexually?
The signs of sexual attraction can vary between men and women, but they are interrelated. If a man is sexually attracted to you as a lady, his strongest tool for communicating his sexual desires is through his eyes- constantly making eye contact with you. He won’t be able to stop himself from staring at you for a long time, and his eyes would practically follow you everywhere. If he can barely take his hands off you, craves your undivided attention, or stares at you while you are walking away, these are clear signals of sexual attraction.
What does it mean when a guy looks down after eye contact?
If a man looks down after making eye contact, isn’t consistent about maintaining eye contact, or exhibits an outright lack of eye contact, it could mean one of a few things. If you’ve just met and started talking to this guy, a lack of eye contact could mean that he isn’t totally comfortable in the situation. You should look for other indicators, such as blushing, stammering, or body language, to determine what the exact cause of his lack of eye contact could be.
If this is a man with whom you have an established relationship, looking down after eye contact or showing a general lack of eye contact could signify that he’s lying or trying to hide something. But a word of warning: even if he’s showing a lack of eye contact, don’t jump to conclusions. Instead, use that as a way to prompt a healthy and open conversation!
How do you know if a man likes you or is just being nice?
Trying to tell whether a man likes you or is just being polite can be a tricky task. Of course, the quickest way to get an accurate answer is to ask him outright. However, if this isn’t an option for whatever reason, you should look closely at his body language and other cues. If a man is attracted to you, he’ll often exhibit the physical signs of attraction. The most common of these physical signs of attraction are prolonged (but not creepy) eye contact, leaning in towards you during a conversation, or making appropriate physical contact (such as touching your arm when he laughs or brushing lint from your shirt) while you interact. Another sign that a guy likes you is he tries to find (or make) excuses for spending time alone with you.
Can eye contact make you fall in love?
Eye contact flirting can help create attraction and get a relationship started (even if that doesn’t happen instantly or at first sight). Powerful eye contact and eye contact exercises throughout the course of dating relationships can build and rebuild intimacy between you and your partner.
