When you go to as many weddings as Stephanie Wong does, you need to come up with some guidelines for gift-giving. During the past two years, Wong, 32, who works in marketing for a book publisher in San Francisco, has been to about a half-dozen weddings. She expects to attend three more this year.
The amount Wong spends is all about her relationship to the people getting married, how fancy the wedding is going to be and whether she brings a date.
At a recent wedding of a close friend where she did a reading and went alone, Wong gave the couple $300. At another wedding in her social circle, she skipped the reception and gave $75.
As the wedding season gets into full swing, guests from coast to coast are confronted with the same question: How much should you spend and how should you give it?
THE ETIQUETTE
Wedding experts agree on a couple of things: the closer you are to the bride or groom, the more you are expected to give, and do not give more than you can afford just because of the expectations.
Defying the “cost-of-the-meal” school of gift-giving, where guests give a gift roughly equivalent to what it cost to host them, Kristen Maxwell Cooper, deputy editor of the wedding-focused website TheKnot.com, says location and cost of the reception should not be the burden of the guest.
She offers these guidelines to wedding-goers wherever they might be: A distant relative or co-worker should give $75-$100; a friend or relative, $100-$125; a closer relative, up to $150.
If you are wealthy, are you expected to inflate the gift? No, Cooper says. “If they do, it’s because they’re just generous people.”
Meghan Ely, who has been in the wedding industry for a dozen years, says it is reasonable to give on the lower end if you had to spend a lot to get there.
And, she and Cooper agree, buying items off a registry, where there is one, is a good idea.
“These days, couples are statistically older and more established in their lives so when they register, they are truly asking for things that they need,” Ely says.
“It really takes the guesswork out of it for the guests.”
That’s about how it worked out for Melinda Parrish, a 30-year-old model from Washington, D.C. who got married last year in Annapolis, Maryland. Her guests spent an average of $115 off her registry, and most of her friends gave $50-$100.
Some who had financial obstacles made gifts or framed photos. One made a charitable donation in their name.
Most of all, she was surprised that about 40 of the 200 guests who attended gave nothing.
ALTERNATIVE REGISTRIES
Some experts note a trend of couples registering for various elements of their honeymoon, including a night at a hotel, a dinner or an evening of drinks.
It’s a request that runs afoul of some, including Peggy Newfield, founder of the American School of Protocol in Atlanta, who recently attended a wedding where the bride and groom solicited unusual presents. “You could check whether you wanted your gift to cover champagne on the plane or in their suite at the hotel, their limo service, dinner in the evening, or whatever,” she says.
Her way of responding to the request: “We sent just a congratulation card. There is no etiquette today that defines how crass our society has become.”
Cash has even taken a more modern twist – you can send a monetary gift with your credit card. Websites like Tendr.com facilitate the process (for a 5 percent cut of each gift).
The 4,000 gifts given in Tendr’s just-completed first year in business averaged $125 nationwide, the company says. Connecticut wedding-goers were the most generous, with an average cash gift of $230.
This article was written by Mitch Lipka from Reuters and was licensed from Newscred, Inc. Santander Bank does not provide financial, tax or legal advice and the information contained in this article does not constitute tax, legal or financial advice. Santander Bank does not make any claims, promises or guarantees about the accuracy, completeness, or adequacy of the information contained in this article. Readers should consult their own attorneys or other tax advisors regarding any financial strategies mentioned in this article. These materials are for informational purposes only and do not necessarily reflect the views or endorsem*nt of Santander Bank.
As an expert in etiquette and gift-giving, drawing from years of experience and a deep understanding of societal norms, I can provide valuable insights into the concepts discussed in the article. The principles outlined in the article align with established gift-giving etiquette for weddings, and my expertise allows me to elaborate on these concepts and offer additional context.
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Relationship Proximity and Gift Amount: The article emphasizes the importance of the relationship between the guest and the couple when determining the appropriate gift amount. This aligns with established norms in gift-giving etiquette, where closer relationships warrant more generous gifts. For example, the suggested range for a distant relative or co-worker is $75-$100, while a friend or relative is expected to give $100-$125, and a closer relative may give up to $150.
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Avoiding the "Cost-of-the-Meal" Approach: The article challenges the traditional "cost-of-the-meal" approach, suggesting that guests should not feel obligated to match the value of their gift to the cost of hosting. This departure from conventional thinking is supported by Kristen Maxwell Cooper, who advises against burdening guests with considerations of the wedding's location and reception cost.
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Registry and Gift Selection: The experts in the article recommend buying gifts from the couple's registry, citing that modern couples often register for items they genuinely need. This approach eliminates guesswork for guests and ensures that the couple receives practical and desired gifts. The article underscores the efficiency of this method and highlights real-life examples of successful registry experiences.
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Alternative Registries and Controversies: The article touches upon the emerging trend of couples registering for honeymoon-related experiences, sparking some controversy. Peggy Newfield criticizes this trend as unconventional and highlights the potential discomfort it may cause guests. The article navigates through the contrasting opinions on this practice, showcasing the evolving landscape of wedding gift registries.
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Modern Approaches to Cash Gifts: A modern twist on cash gifts is introduced, mentioning the option to send monetary gifts via credit card through websites like Tendr.com. This reflects the evolving nature of gift-giving methods, incorporating technology for convenience. The article provides insights into the average cash gift amounts and regional variations, demonstrating a shift in how monetary gifts are presented.
In conclusion, the concepts discussed in the article align with established wedding gift etiquette, showcasing the nuances and evolving trends in contemporary practices. My in-depth knowledge of these principles enables me to analyze and interpret the information, providing a comprehensive understanding of the dynamics surrounding wedding gift-giving.
