How to deal with negative comments about your body (2024)

There’s a question I’m consistently asked…

What can I do when my partner or family makes negative comments about my body?

I admit I get angry when I hear the kinds of comments some people are putting up with.

I hate it when a person’s confidence is knocked. Especially by people who believe they can say whatever they want about someone else’s body.

So in this post, I’m sharing TWO things to bear in mind when dealing with negative comments about your body.

Watch or read below:

Recently I’ve received a worrying increase in emails and blog comments from women and men affected by negative comments about their body.

These comments are predominantly from family including partners and spouses. When I read the comments made, I feel a mixture of sadness and anger.

Sadness because I can tell how deeply affected these individuals are by the negative comments about their body.

Anger because bodies aren’t objects up for scrutiny, especially from people that are supposed to love you!

This is a topic that I’ve covered before on my blog, but I think it’s worth revisiting again.

So today I’m sharing what I think are the two most important things to bear in mind when dealing with negative comments about your body:

Negative comments AREN’T acceptable

The first thing to remember is that no matter who is making the negative comments about your body, it isn’t acceptable.

I don’t care if it’s your husband or wife. They have no more right to make unkind or hurtful comments about your appearance than anyone else.

The same goes for other family members. It isn’t your responsibility to meet their ‘standards’ of what a body should look like.

I get especially annoyed about this. I’m staggered by the comments some people put up with.

For example, individuals are criticised by family and partners for having:

Hips that are supposedly ‘too small’ or ‘too big’
A thin face
Too much grey hair
A ‘flat’ bottom

I can’t say this enough – you don’t have to put up with comments that upset you. It’s okay to call a family member out on this kind of behaviour.

Discussing the comments

Start by having an open yet non-confrontational conversation.

Ask why they feel the need to comment on your appearance. You might say something like, “I’m curious as to why you feel the need to comment on my appearance. What’s that about?”

This puts the onus and focus squarely on them (which is where it needs to be) rather than you.

But be sure to tell them how their comments affect you. Request that they stop them if they’re upsetting you. I did a video that that explains step by step how you can have this conversation.

Negative comments AREN’T about your body

The second thing to bear in mind is that negative comments about your body aren’t really about your body!

They’re about the person making those comments – their opinions, views, beliefs and insecurities.

There can be any number of reasons why someone might criticise your body, but here are some of the most common. They might…

  • Be jealous of you or your appearance and want to put you down;
  • Have their own insecurities about their body and are projecting these onto you;
  • Be experiencing low self-esteem and criticism of others makes them feel better about themselves;
  • Have very fixed views on what bodies should look like which are highly influenced by popular culture.

But whatever the reason – it’s their problem or issue, not yours.

It’s not your job to change yourself to please them or make them happy – that’s their job.

Dealing with negative comments

The way to deal with negative comments about your body is NOT to change your body.

Instead, focus on what you can control. You can’t control how someone else thinks or behaves, but you can control the way you think and behave.

View negative comments about your body as being about the other person NOT you. Challenge the person making the comments and ask them to stop – the rest is up to them.

Note: if you are on the receiving end of constant criticisms and put downs in a relationship, that’s emotional abuse. Please seek help immediately, particularly if you fear for your safety.

I’d love to hear how negative comments about your body affect you and if this post has been helpful. Please leave a comment below.

How to deal with negative comments about your body (2024)

FAQs

How to deal with negative comments about your body? ›

Rather than feeling devastated or diminished, try to see the comment as a challenge: it's a test of your relationship with your own body. Don't give into the impulse to be easily influenced and irrational; instead, prove to yourself that you're capable of an objective understanding of the way you look. Speak up.

How do you respond to negative comments about your appearance? ›

Try saying some of these phrases to yourself:
  1. “This comment is their problem, not mine”.
  2. “I value people who are friendly and kind. ...
  3. “I would never be unkind enough to say something like that to someone. ...
  4. “I am OK – I don't need to judge myself based on this person's unkind comment”.
  5. “There is more to me than how I look”.

How do you deal with people commenting on your body? ›

Rather than feeling devastated or diminished, try to see the comment as a challenge: it's a test of your relationship with your own body. Don't give into the impulse to be easily influenced and irrational; instead, prove to yourself that you're capable of an objective understanding of the way you look. Speak up.

How do you handle a rude weight comment? ›

How to React to Rude Comments About Your Weight
  1. 1) Consider the Intention Behind the Words. ...
  2. 2) Keep Truly Negative People at Arm's Length. ...
  3. 3) Learn to Not to Give a %#$@ What Other People Say. ...
  4. 4) Don't Stoop Down to Their Level. ...
  5. 5) Learn to Love Your Body. ...
  6. 6) Build up a Support System of Positive and Like-Minded People.

How do you stop letting negative comments affect you? ›

Here are five strategies to take back you power and reduce the detrimental impact negative people have in your life:
  1. Guard Your Time. ...
  2. Choose Your Attitude. ...
  3. Refocus Your Thoughts. ...
  4. Choose to Behave Productively. ...
  5. Seek Out Positive People.
Jan 10, 2015

Why do people comment on your body? ›

Psychologist Dr Kalanit Ben-Ari says the urge to comment on other people's bodies is often a reflection of ourselves and our feelings. 'It is a reflection of them and not the person they are commenting on.

Why do negative comments bother me so much? ›

Negative comments provide evidence that you cannot succeed at your goals, which can be demotivating. There is evidence that people need to experience positive feelings about three times more often than negative feelings in order to maintain positive moods. A positive mood drives people to be productive and creative.

What does it mean when someone body shames you? ›

What is body shaming? Body shaming involves humiliating someone by making inappropriate or negative comments about their body size or shape. As well as “fat shaming,” you may also hear negative comments if you're underweight or in reference to a specific body part.

How do you respond when someone talks bad about their body? ›

Acknowledge their feelings

While you may not agree with the negative things they've said about their appearance, the best way to open a dialogue about their negative body talk is to recognize their feelings and let them know you're here to support them.

What do you say to someone who criticizes your weight? ›

What Are Unsolicited Comments About Weight?
  • Wow! I can't believe how much weight you've lost. You look great!
  • Looks like you're putting on a little extra weight this winter.
  • Are you really going to eat that?
  • Just watch your portions! You'll lose weight!
  • Look how skinny you are!

How do you outsmart a rude person? ›

10 Smart Ways to Deal with Rude People
  1. Remember, sometimes the rude person is you. ...
  2. Don't take it personally (even if it's personal). ...
  3. Find out why. ...
  4. Be objective and analyze the rudeness. ...
  5. Don't join the drama club. ...
  6. Let it drop and walk away. ...
  7. Consider offering help. ...
  8. Understand rudeness as a habit.
Nov 14, 2017

How do you tell someone to stop talking about your weight? ›

I'm not interested in having this conversation.” “I don't talk about diets or weight loss.” “Life's too short to get so anxious over one meal.” “I support you, but I don't need to hear about your diet.”

How do you move past a negative comment? ›

6 Tips for Handling Negative Feedback
  1. Ask clarifying questions. ...
  2. Know that negative feedback isn't a personal attack. ...
  3. Ask for feedback often. ...
  4. Take time to process your emotions. ...
  5. View the feedback from your critic's point of view. ...
  6. Determine whether the feedback is constructive or destructive.
Jun 7, 2021

How do I get people to stop commenting on my weight loss? ›

Five Ways to Handle Insensitive Comments About Your Weight Loss
  1. Kill 'em with kindness. ...
  2. Tell them how healthy you feel. ...
  3. Be vocal about your discomfort. ...
  4. Change the subject. ...
  5. Remove yourself from the situation. ...
  6. The Best Bariatric Care in California.
Apr 10, 2020

Why you shouldn't compliment weight loss? ›

This is especially important when talking to people with eating disorders or serious body image issues, since such remarks can worsen their situation. Compliments about someone's weight loss or thinner body perpetuate society's deep-seated diet culture, Tran said, and the idea that thinness is inherently good.

What do you say when someone says you gained weight? ›

“Are you eating for two?” “You've gotten big since the last time I saw you!”
  • “Oh really, I'm just trying to catch up to you with your weight.”
  • “I'll try to put on a little more so I can be like you.”
  • “You're right, I have been putting on weight, good thing we have the same taste in clothes.”
Apr 7, 2022

How do I stop thinking about hurtful comments? ›

5 Ways to Stop Dwelling on Negative Thoughts
  1. Go Shopping in Your Mind. One distraction trick Winch recommends is to visualize yourself in the grocery store. ...
  2. Keep Positive Company. ...
  3. Physically Throw Them Away. ...
  4. Have a Cup of Tea. ...
  5. Reframe Your Situation.

How do I change my negative mindset to positive? ›

Following are some ways to think and behave in a more positive and optimistic way:
  1. Identify areas to change. ...
  2. Check yourself. ...
  3. Be open to humor. ...
  4. Follow a healthy lifestyle. ...
  5. Surround yourself with positive people. ...
  6. Practice positive self-talk.

Why do I dwell on negative things? ›

Rumination involves repetitive thinking or dwelling on negative feelings and distress and their causes and consequences. The repetitive, negative aspect of rumination can contribute to the development of depression or anxiety and can worsen existing conditions.

What are examples of body shaming comments? ›

(i.e. “I'm so ugly compared to her.” “Look at how broad my shoulders are.”) 2) Criticizing another's appearance in front of them. (i.e. “With those thighs, you're never going to find a date.”) 3) Criticizing another's appearance without their knowledge.

What is the emotional effect of body shaming? ›

Being body shamed is very humiliating. It can lead to increased feelings of low self –esteem, self- image and self-worth. It can have an individual socially isolate themselves, feel lonely, lead to depression and anxiety. An individual can adopt unhealthy eating habits leading to physical health concerns as well.

What are the questions about body shaming? ›

1) Have you ever felt depressed or upset in any way about your body? 2) Have you ever been body shamed by friends or family? 3) Have you ever missed college/work or a social occasion due to how you feel about your body? 4) Have you resorted to extreme measures to change the way you look?

How do you tell someone you're insecure about your body? ›

Here are a few examples you can use:
  1. “I feel sad when I hear you speak critically about yourself and your body.”
  2. “I feel concerned when I see you skip meals.”
  3. “I feel worried when you weigh yourself repeatedly.”

What are signs of poor body image? ›

Signs of Body Image Disturbance, Disordered Eating, and Eating Disorders in Physically Active Adolescents
  • Preoccupation with Bodily Appearance. ...
  • Strange Eating Behaviors. ...
  • Drastic Changes in Appearance. ...
  • Drastic Changes in Personality. ...
  • New Priorities.

What is it called when you don't like your body image? ›

Body dysmorphic disorder is a mental health condition in which you can't stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in your appearance — a flaw that appears minor or can't be seen by others. But you may feel so embarrassed, ashamed and anxious that you may avoid many social situations.

How can I change my attitude about body images? ›

5 Ways to Promote a Positive Attitude Towards Body Image
  1. Be kind to themselves. ...
  2. Focus on the parts they like. ...
  3. Spend time with positive people. ...
  4. Practice what they preach. ...
  5. Talk to someone they trust.
May 14, 2019

Why is it rude to comment on someone's weight? ›

The Bottom Line. Even if someone has been trying to lose weight, commenting on their body might do more harm than good. It can insinuate that you think they didn't look "good" before or that they have a higher value now that their body is smaller, even if that's not how you are intending your comment.

How to respond to someone who is insecure about their weight? ›

How To Help a Friend Struggling With Body Image
  1. Compliment them on something not related to their body. ...
  2. Ask them about other things going on in their life. ...
  3. Reframe and challenge negative thoughts. ...
  4. Follow encouraging and positive social media. ...
  5. Practice self care together. ...
  6. Listen non-judgementally. ...
  7. Know your resources. ...
  8. Activity.
Mar 26, 2020

How do you shut down a mean person? ›

Agree to disagree. Respond in a way that defends your belief and deliver it in a respectful tone. Let the person know that their behavior or words upset you. If they continue, ask them to stop, and then move on.

What is the personality of a rude person? ›

Rudeness, particularly with respect to speech, is necessarily confrontational at its core. Forms of rudeness include acting inconsiderate, insensitive, deliberately offensive, impolite, obscenity, profanity and violating taboos such as deviancy.

Why am I rude without realizing it? ›

There are various reasons why you may feel that you're engaging in mean or rude behavior, even if they're not immediately apparent to you. For example, an underlying mental health condition, a lack of social skills, cultural differences, or low self-esteem could all be potential causes.

Is it ever OK to comment on someone's weight? ›

Commenting on another person's physical looks, whether that's weight, height or appearance, can be damaging to their self-esteem. Although these comments are not always meant to be harmful, they are not necessary and can do more harm than good.

How do you confront someone about their weight? ›

Begin by saying, “I care about you.”
  1. “You are important to me, and I want you to be around for a long time.”
  2. “I want you to have more energy and not worry about your health. That's why I want to help you reach a healthy weight.”
  3. “I'm here for you. Let's find ways to get healthy together.”
Feb 1, 2018

Is it rude to tell someone they're overweight? ›

A study by University College London found that telling someone they're fat makes them eat more, not less, so approach your friend with empathy. Start a conversation by talking about people in your family who've struggled with their weight, or even your own struggle if you've had one.

How does negative comments affect a person? ›

But receiving, internalising and reinforcing any negative comments can increase stress, anxiety, frustration and worry, says Lucia Macchia, a behavioural scientist and visiting fellow at the London School of Economics.

What should I say to a negative comment? ›

6 steps for responding to negative feedback
  • Don't lose your cool. I know that reading a negative online review can upset you, and it's normal. ...
  • Personalize the response. ...
  • Thank them for the feedback. ...
  • Apologize and sympathize. ...
  • Stick to the issue. ...
  • Ask for a second chance.
May 18, 2022

What is a person who is always negative called? ›

Pessimistic describes the state of mind of someone who always expects the worst. A pessimistic attitude isn't very hopeful, shows little optimism, and can be a downer for everyone else. To be pessimistic means you believe evil outweighs the good and that bad things are more likely to happen.

Is a negative person toxic? ›

A toxic person is anyone whose behavior adds negativity and upset to your life. Many times, people who are toxic are dealing with their own stresses and traumas. To do this, they act in ways that don't present them in the best light and usually upset others along the way.

How do you deal with someone who makes everything negative? ›

5 Ways to Deal With the Really Negative People in Your Life
  1. Empathize.
  2. Talk, but don't try to help. Certain people go to others looking for advice. ...
  3. Find out what makes them happy. Just because they're negative doesn't mean that things don't make them laugh. ...
  4. Listen to what they're not saying. ...
  5. Have fun.
Mar 22, 2017

Is it rude to comment on someone's appearance? ›

There are phrases, compliments and comments that we say without even thinking. Comments regarding physical appearance, even if they are meant as a compliment or with good intention, can be harmful to someone's self-esteem.

How do you respond to a negative reply? ›

6 steps for responding to negative feedback
  1. Don't lose your cool. I know that reading a negative online review can upset you, and it's normal. ...
  2. Personalize the response. ...
  3. Thank them for the feedback. ...
  4. Apologize and sympathize. ...
  5. Stick to the issue. ...
  6. Ask for a second chance.
May 18, 2022

How do you respond to a positive negative comment? ›

  1. 1 Don't rush to react, be an active listener. ...
  2. 2 Be appreciative, thank the other person for their feedback. ...
  3. 3 Be genuine, apologize if it's necessary. ...
  4. 4 Summarize the feedback. ...
  5. 5 Take action and make a positive impact. ...
  6. 6 Seek additional feedback, follow up and circle back. ...
  7. 7 Receive feedback with a growth mindset.
Oct 6, 2021

What is the 10 second rule in body shaming? ›

The ten-second rule is a simple practice. You can point out someone's appearance, only if they can change or remove it within ten seconds. For example, if your friend has some lipstick on their teeth, you can comment about it.

What is the 5 second rule on appearance? ›

"The five-second rule is that we should only comment on another person's appearance if and only if they can change it in five seconds or less . . . and if you want to comment on something that someone cannot change in five seconds or less, keep the comment to yourself," Dr. Desta says in a TikTok video.

Is it ok to not like your appearance? ›

Remember that your body is where you live, where you learn and make memories. It's okay to not like every part of the way you look, and it's okay to still want to hide yourself at times too.

Should I respond to negative comments? ›

Negative reviews have just as much power as positive reviews — if not more — on how consumers interact with your business. When you receive a negative review, a response is required. It is a best practice for reputation management and the right thing to do.

Why do people say negative comments? ›

People may make negative comments as a way to release their pent-up emotions. Narcissism: Some people may make negative comments to boost their ego, putting others down; they may feel like they are elevating themselves.

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