I get especially annoyed about this. I’m staggered by the comments some people put up with.
For example, individuals are criticised by family and partners for having:
Hips that are supposedly ‘too small’ or ‘too big’ A thin face Too much grey hair A ‘flat’ bottom
I can’t say this enough – you don’t have to put up with comments that upset you. It’s okay to call a family member out on this kind of behaviour.
Discussing the comments
Start by having an open yet non-confrontational conversation.
Ask why they feel the need to comment on your appearance. You might say something like, “I’m curious as to why you feel the need to comment on my appearance. What’s that about?”
This puts the onus and focus squarely on them (which is where it needs to be) rather than you.
But be sure to tell them how their comments affect you. Request that they stop them if they’re upsetting you. I did a video that that explains step by step how you can have this conversation.
Negative comments AREN’T about your body
The second thing to bear in mind is that negative comments about your body aren’t really about your body!
They’re about the person making those comments – their opinions, views, beliefs and insecurities.
There can be any number of reasons why someone might criticise your body, but here are some of the most common. They might…
Be jealous of you or your appearance and want to put you down;
Have their own insecurities about their body and are projecting these onto you;
Be experiencing low self-esteem and criticism of others makes them feel better about themselves;
Have very fixed views on what bodies should look like which are highly influenced by popular culture.
But whatever the reason – it’s their problem or issue, not yours.
It’s not your job to change yourself to please them or make them happy – that’s their job.
Dealing with negative comments
The way to deal with negative comments about your body is NOT to change your body.
Instead, focus on what you can control. You can’t control how someone else thinks or behaves, but you can control the way you think and behave.
View negative comments about your body as being about the other person NOT you. Challenge the person making the comments and ask them to stop – the rest is up to them.
Note: if you are on the receiving end of constant criticisms and put downs in a relationship, that’s emotional abuse. Please seek help immediately, particularly if you fear for your safety.
I’d love to hear how negative comments about your body affect you and if this post has been helpful. Please leave a comment below.
Rather than feeling devastated or diminished, try to see the comment as a challenge: it's a test of your relationship with your own body. Don't give into the impulse to be easily influenced and irrational; instead, prove to yourself that you're capable of an objective understanding of the way you look. Speak up.
Rather than feeling devastated or diminished, try to see the comment as a challenge: it's a test of your relationship with your own body. Don't give into the impulse to be easily influenced and irrational; instead, prove to yourself that you're capable of an objective understanding of the way you look. Speak up.
Psychologist Dr Kalanit Ben-Ari says the urge to comment on other people's bodies is often a reflection of ourselves and our feelings. 'It is a reflection of them and not the person they are commenting on.
Negative comments provide evidence that you cannot succeed at your goals, which can be demotivating. There is evidence that people need to experience positive feelings about three times more often than negative feelings in order to maintain positive moods. A positive mood drives people to be productive and creative.
What is body shaming? Body shaming involves humiliating someone by making inappropriate or negative comments about their body size or shape. As well as “fat shaming,” you may also hear negative comments if you're underweight or in reference to a specific body part.
While you may not agree with the negative things they've said about their appearance, the best way to open a dialogue about their negative body talk is to recognize their feelings and let them know you're here to support them.
“I'm not interested in having this conversation.” “I don't talk about diets or weight loss.” “Life's too short to get so anxious over one meal.” “I support you, but I don't need to hear about your diet.”
This is especially important when talking to people with eating disorders or serious body image issues, since such remarks can worsen their situation. Compliments about someone's weight loss or thinner body perpetuate society's deep-seated diet culture, Tran said, and the idea that thinness is inherently good.
Rumination involves repetitive thinking or dwelling on negative feelings and distress and their causes and consequences. The repetitive, negative aspect of rumination can contribute to the development of depression or anxiety and can worsen existing conditions.
(i.e. “I'm so ugly compared to her.” “Look at how broad my shoulders are.”) 2) Criticizing another's appearance in front of them. (i.e. “With those thighs, you're never going to find a date.”) 3) Criticizing another's appearance without their knowledge.
Being body shamed is very humiliating. It can lead to increased feelings of low self –esteem, self- image and self-worth. It can have an individual socially isolate themselves, feel lonely, lead to depression and anxiety. An individual can adopt unhealthy eating habits leading to physical health concerns as well.
1) Have you ever felt depressed or upset in any way about your body? 2) Have you ever been body shamed by friends or family? 3) Have you ever missed college/work or a social occasion due to how you feel about your body? 4) Have you resorted to extreme measures to change the way you look?
Body dysmorphic disorder is a mental health condition in which you can't stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in your appearance — a flaw that appears minor or can't be seen by others. But you may feel so embarrassed, ashamed and anxious that you may avoid many social situations.
The Bottom Line. Even if someone has been trying to lose weight, commenting on their body might do more harm than good. It can insinuate that you think they didn't look "good" before or that they have a higher value now that their body is smaller, even if that's not how you are intending your comment.
Agree to disagree. Respond in a way that defends your belief and deliver it in a respectful tone. Let the person know that their behavior or words upset you. If they continue, ask them to stop, and then move on.
Rudeness, particularly with respect to speech, is necessarily confrontational at its core. Forms of rudeness include acting inconsiderate, insensitive, deliberately offensive, impolite, obscenity, profanity and violating taboos such as deviancy.
There are various reasons why you may feel that you're engaging in mean or rude behavior, even if they're not immediately apparent to you. For example, an underlying mental health condition, a lack of social skills, cultural differences, or low self-esteem could all be potential causes.
Commenting on another person's physical looks, whether that's weight, height or appearance, can be damaging to their self-esteem. Although these comments are not always meant to be harmful, they are not necessary and can do more harm than good.
A study by University College London found that telling someone they're fat makes them eat more, not less, so approach your friend with empathy. Start a conversation by talking about people in your family who've struggled with their weight, or even your own struggle if you've had one.
But receiving, internalising and reinforcing any negative comments can increase stress, anxiety, frustration and worry, says Lucia Macchia, a behavioural scientist and visiting fellow at the London School of Economics.
Pessimistic describes the state of mind of someone who always expects the worst. A pessimistic attitude isn't very hopeful, shows little optimism, and can be a downer for everyone else. To be pessimistic means you believe evil outweighs the good and that bad things are more likely to happen.
A toxic person is anyone whose behavior adds negativity and upset to your life. Many times, people who are toxic are dealing with their own stresses and traumas. To do this, they act in ways that don't present them in the best light and usually upset others along the way.
There are phrases, compliments and comments that we say without even thinking. Comments regarding physical appearance, even if they are meant as a compliment or with good intention, can be harmful to someone's self-esteem.
The ten-second rule is a simple practice. You can point out someone's appearance, only if they can change or remove it within ten seconds. For example, if your friend has some lipstick on their teeth, you can comment about it.
"The five-second rule is that we should only comment on another person's appearance if and only if they can change it in five seconds or less . . . and if you want to comment on something that someone cannot change in five seconds or less, keep the comment to yourself," Dr. Desta says in a TikTok video.
Remember that your body is where you live, where you learn and make memories. It's okay to not like every part of the way you look, and it's okay to still want to hide yourself at times too.
Negative reviews have just as much power as positive reviews — if not more — on how consumers interact with your business. When you receive a negative review, a response is required. It is a best practice for reputation management and the right thing to do.
People may make negative comments as a way to release their pent-up emotions. Narcissism: Some people may make negative comments to boost their ego, putting others down; they may feel like they are elevating themselves.
Introduction: My name is Velia Krajcik, I am a handsome, clean, lucky, gleaming, magnificent, proud, glorious person who loves writing and wants to share my knowledge and understanding with you.
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