How to say no when family or friends want to borrow money (2024)
Saying no to a friend or family memberwho asks for aloan can be stressful and awkward.
Yet sometimes nois the best answer, and the one you should give. The question then is how to say it without damaging your relationship with that person or others who might be involved in the situation. Here is how:
LISTEN FIRST. If you say no too quickly, your friend or family member might feel ignored, hurt, discounted or insulted. Before you give your response, hear the person out so you understand the nature of the problem and the person feels respected and cared for.
ASK FOR TIME. If you feel pressured to say yes, offer to think about your decision for 24 hours. During that time, your friend or family member might change his or her mind, find another solution or borrow the money from someone else. Meanwhile, you will be able to firm up your resolve and steel yourself to say no. If you need support, ask your spouse or another trusted friend, relative or advisor to help you.
MAKE A RULE AND STICK TO IT. One way to say no is to explain that you or you and your significant other have a rule against lending money. This way of saying no comes across more generalized, rather than being personal to the individual who asked. Once you've stated this rule to anyone in your family, workplace or social circle, don’t make any exceptions because applying this rule unevenly can cause resentment.
BE FIRM. Don’t delay your response longer than one day. Don’t say maybe. Don’t sound as if you’d like to help, but just won’t for some vague reason. Don’t suggest that no today might turn into yes tomorrow or next week. Just say no, and stick to that one simple and final answer.
DON’T EXPLAIN OR MAKE EXCUSES. When you say no, don’t offer explanations or excuses. Doing so only opens the door to a discussion and prompts your friend or family member to try to overcome your objections. Say, “I’m sorry, but I can’t give you a loan.” When the person asks, “Why not?” just repeat your statement. Eventually, your friend or family member will stop asking.
OFFER OTHER AID. Rather than make a loan, you might be able to assist the person in some other way such as with a bag of groceries, transportation to a job interview, a sofa to sleep on for a few nights or other possibilities. Try to get creative. If you feel the need is genuine and reasonable and that money is the only option, then make the sum a gift instead of a loan. If you don’t expect repayment, you might be pleasantly surprised to receive it someday.
After you have your items back, you don't need to say anything until the person asks to borrow something again. Then tell them very firmly “I have decided not to lend any of my things to anyone from now on.“ Do not give a reason or say you are sorry. Simply say you will not be lending anything from now on.
Kind Canned Phrases – Keep a few example statements fresh in your mind to whip out when you need to. No need to be rude, just direct and with a bit of sweetness to acknowledge their interest in you. “Oh thanks for asking, that sounds great.But sorry, I can't.” Or, “I'm so glad to see you.
Yet while you don't want to see a family member down on their luck, sometimes you are not in the financial position to help them out. If you have to overextend your credit or risk not paying your own bills to provide a family member money, it's probably not the right decision to lend it.
Reputation on the line. Your reputation is on the line when you borrow money, whether it be from a bank or a family member. A disgruntled family member, however, may tell other family members and friends about your loan or failure to pay it back.
You can just not reply to any requests for money. My favorite phrase in such situations is "I'm sorry it wouldn't be convenient. " Anything more invites discussion. In all likelihood, you will not be helping her with your money.
Try saying sorry but no. If they ask why you can say I'm not in a position to lend money. Don't elaborate too much. If they continue to ask and put pressure, say I've already told you no.
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