Is it illegal to date a minor? A defense lawyer explains (2024)

As long as the relationship is not sexual, it is generally not illegal merely to date a minor. If the relationship is sexualor involves any sexual contact, the ages of the parties will matter. So will where they live, as each state has

• its own age of consent law,
• its own “Romeo and Juliet” law, and
• its own definition of sexual conduct.

Non-Sexual Relationships

It is generally not illegal to be in a non-sexual relationship with a minor. There is no law forbidding going to the movies or out to dinner with a minor. However, just because it is not illegal to date someone underage does not mean that everything in the relationship is permissible.

Some non-sexual conduct that is common in dating relationships may still be illegal. For example, in California, someone who dates a minor will still have to take precautions to avoid breaking the following laws:

• providing alcohol to a minor (Business and Professions Code 25658 BPC),
• lewd acts with a minor (Penal Code 288 PC),
• loitering on school grounds (Penal Code 653b PC),
• solicitation of a minor (Penal Code 288.4 PC),
• annoying or molesting a child (Penal Code 647.6 PC),
• contributing to the delinquency of a minor (Penal Code 272 PC),
• child p*rnography (Penal Code 311 PC), and
• lewdness in the presence of a child (Penal Code 273g PC).

Many of these laws can be broken without any physical sexual conduct, at all.

Sexual Conduct Defined

Different states define sexual conduct differently. Small details matter. Some states do not even call it “sexual conduct.” Other phrases include:

• sexual intercourse,
• sexual acts,
• carnal knowledge,
• sexual contact, or
• acts of penetration.

In California, the phrase is “sexual intercourse.” It covers sexual activity involving the penetration of the vagin* or genitalia by the penis, even if there was no ejacul*tion.¹ The degree of penetration also does not matter.² If there was any penetration, at all, it is sexual intercourse.

Texas, on the other hand, uses phrases like “sexual contact” and “acts of penetration.” There, it is illegal to intentionally or knowingly cause the:

• penetration of the anus or sexual organ of a minor,
• penetration of a minor’s mouth by the actor’s sexual organ,
• minor’s sexual organ to contact or to penetrate someone else’s mouth, anus, or sexual organ,
• minor’s anus to contact someone else’s mouth, anus, or sexual organ, or
• minor’s mouth to contact someone else’s anus or sexual organ.

Pennsylvania has the crime “corruption of a minor” that specifically prohibits any sexual conduct short of intercourse.³

Statutory Rape

If a dating relationship with a minor involves sexual conduct, it can be illegal. The ages of the couple and the state’s age of consent will determine whether it is a crime, or not. If it is, the offense is generally statutory rape.

However, many states have a close-in-age exception (discussed in more detail further down). Also known as a Romeo and Juliet law, it allows couples who are close in age to have consensual sex without being liable for statutory rape.

What is the age of consent?

The age of consent is how old someone has to be in order to legally consent to engage in sexual conduct. Whenever one person engages in sexual conduct with someone else who is under the age of consent, it is a sex crime. It does not matter if the person under the age of consent initiated the sexual conduct or willingly submitted to it.

In the following states, the legal age of consent is 18 years old:

• Arizona,⁴
• California,⁵
• Florida,⁶
• Oregon,⁷ and
• Virginia.⁸

The age of consent is 17 years old in the following states:

• Colorado,⁹
• Illinois,¹⁰
• New York,¹¹
• Texas,¹² and
• Wyoming.¹³

However, it is 16 years old in the following states:

• Hawaii,¹⁴
• Idaho,¹⁵
• Montana,¹⁶
• Nevada,¹⁷
• New Mexico,¹⁸ and
• Washington.¹⁹

Because the age of consent varies by state, permissible conduct in one state can be a crime in another. The age of the couple matters, a lot.

For example: Andrea is an 18-year-old dating Tom, a 17-year-old. They live in Colorado and can legally have sexual intercourse, there. They then visit friends in California and have intercourse. Andrea could be charged with statutory rape because Tom is under the state’s age of consent.

What is a Romeo and Juliet law?

Romeo and Juliet laws provide a close-in-age exception to statutory rape charges. While it is true that one sexual partner was under the age of consent, the other partner did not commit a crime because they were so close in age. These laws protect high school sweethearts who have sexual relations from a serious sexual assault conviction.

Texas is one state that has a Romeo and Juliet law. It says that a minor can legally consent to sexual contact or penetration if:

• they are a 14-year-old, 15-year-old, or 16-year-old,
• the other, consenting sexual partner is within 3 years of their age, and
• the sexual partner is at least 14 years old.²⁰

For example: Before moving to Colorado, Andrea and Tom lived in Texas. There, Andrea, then 18, had sexual intercourse with Tom, then a 16-year-old. Texas’ Romeo and Juliet law would protect Andrea from statutory rape charges.

Many other states have similar criminal laws. However, the details tend to vary. Some states may only require the partners to be within 5 years of each other. Others may have minimum ages that require both partners to be at least 16.

California, however, does not have a Romeo and Juliet law. Anyone who has sexual intercourse with someone else under the age of consent can be charged with a crime. The only exception is if the sexual partners were lawfully married.

Potential Consequences

Statutory rape is a severe sex crime. States tend to punish convictions with steep fines and significant prison sentences, as well as other consequences.

In California, statutory rape is a wobbler. Prosecutors can choose whether to pursue misdemeanor or felony charges. If pursued as a felony, convictions carry:

• 16 months, 2 years, or 3 years in prison,
• up to $10,000 in fines, and/or
• felony probation.²¹

If one sexual partner was under 16 and the other was 21 or older, though, the range of prison sentences increases to 2, 3, or 4 years.²²

Additionally, defendants who are at least 18 years of age can face civil penalties for merely being charged with statutory rape. These fines depend on the ages of the parties. They are:

• $2,000, if the younger partner was less than 2 years younger than the defendant,
• $5,000, if the age difference was at least 2 years,
• $10,000, if the age difference was at least 3 years, and
• $25,000, if the underage partner was under 16 years old, and the older partner was at least 21 years old.²³

Other states have statutory rape laws that carry even higher penalties. In Texas, for example, statutory rape is a felony in the second degree. Convictions carry:

• 2 to 20 years in prison, and/or
• up to $10,000 in fines.²⁴

In nearly all states, convictions will require the defendant to register as a sex offender – sometimes for decades.

Other potential criminal penalties include:

• community service,
• victim restitution, and/or
• counseling.

Merely having a criminal record is an enormous social stigma that could greatly impede future employment-, professional licensing-, housing-, and traveling prospects.

Restraining orders

When parents find out their underage child has any sort of relationship with an older person – even a non-sexual one – it is not unusual for them to take out a restraining order against the older person on behalf of their child.

The restraining orders usually bar any contact at all – even over phone – between the restrained person and the protected party. Violating a restraining order can be a misdemeanor or a felony depending on the situation.

Understandably, parents believe their child is too immature to make sexual decisions, especially with someone with whom there is an inherent power imbalance due to their age gap. Plus, the older person could be “grooming” the child into a sexual relationship or even sex trafficking by:

• lavishing them with presents and praise,
• isolating them from their family and friends, and/or
• threatening them.

Statutes of limitations

In the aftermath of #MeToo, many states have extended their statutes of limitations for serious sex crimes.

In California for example, there is no time limit to bring charges for aggravated sexual assault of a child (PC 269). For several other felony-level child sex crimes, the alleged victim has until their fortieth birthday to press charges.²⁵

This means that someone who had a long-ago relationship with an underage person could potentially find themselves charged with a crime years or decades after the fact. There are several effective defenses to sex crime charges, such as:

• You were falsely accused,
• There is insufficient evidence to prove the accuser’s allegations beyond a reasonable doubt, and/or
• You did nothing illegal (for example, your state’s Romeo and Juliet law immunized you from liability).

Still, the allegations alone could be devastating and alienate friends and family. Anyone facing sex crime charges should seek legal representation immediately.

Additional resources

For more in-depth information on the age of consent, refer to these scholarly articles:

• Teenage Sex in California: Thirteen Years after Michael M. – Journal of Juvenile Law.
• Romeo and Juliet Were Sex Offenders: An Analysis of the Age of Consent and a Call for Reform – University of Missouri-Kansas City Law Review.
• The Age of Consent – Yale Law Journal article about how age of consent laws work.
• You Can Touch, But You Can’t Look: Examining the Inconsistencies in Our Age of Consent and Child p*rnography Laws – Southern California Law Review.
• A Bee Line in the Wrong Direction: Science, Teenagers, and the Sting to the Age of Consent – Journal of Law and Politics.

See our related article on whether an 18-year-old can date a 16-year-old.