If you’ve walked in on your husband walking around in your intimates or you’ve noticed him scrambling to get out of a dress before you can see, you might be feeling shocked and confused. Although you might think it’s rare, it’s not that uncommon for men to enjoy wearing women’s clothes, and there’s a variety of reasons as to why they do it.
However, it is still one of the more taboo subjects, and therefore you might not know what way to react or how to approach the situation because you know very little about it. Don’t panic though, because this article is here to help you understand what you should and shouldn’t do when you find out that your husband likes to crossdress.
Table of Contents
What To Do And Not To Do
1. Don’t assume you’re husband is gay
The fact is, a lot of straight men crossdress, and a lot of the time, they’re ashamed of it because society deems it unacceptable for heterosexual men to do this. So, although your first thought might be that your husband is gay, and although that could possibly be true, it’s probably not and you shouldn’t assume this.
2. Don’t assume your husband is transgender
Much like the assumption that your mind will jump to about your husband being gay, you may also assume that he’s transgender or wants to change sex. As mentioned above, a lot of heterosexual men that are happy being labeled as men, crossdress. Therefore, don’t assume your husband wants to change his sex.
3. Don’t panic and think your relationship is doomed
It’s completely normal for you to panic and become nervous about your marriage, but you need to calm down and realize that this is much like any other relationship issue you’ve had before and the two of you can work through it - you’re partners for life!
4. Don’t tell your friends straight away
Although confiding in your friends is great and it’s probably what you normally do when it comes to this matter, it’s best not to for your partner’s sake. Your partner may not want anyone to know about his cross-dressing, and it’s not for you to share, so it’s best to get advice elsewhere.
5. Do background research on cross-dressing
Before you panic too much or confront your husband about it, you should really research cross-dressing. This is a delicate matter and something that you shouldn’t go into blindly, so do your research.
6. Do realize you can’t fix or change this
It’s important to realize that this is a part of your partner that you are unable to change or fix. You need to find a way to accept that and work together with him, rather than against him.
7. Do openly talk to your husband
You do need to talk to your partner about his cross-dressing habits as it’s something that affects both of you. The two of you have to have clear, honest communication without judgment or prejudice.
8. Do ensure he feels like he’s in an emotionally safe space
You should always try and ensure your partner feels in a safe space, both emotionally and physically, and to talk to him about this matter, you need to be certain he feels like he can be open and honest with you. For example, confront him at home, not when you’re out and about with people around.
9. Don’t judge him
Imagine if you felt vulnerable about a personal matter, would you want to be judged by your partner? Of course not, so make sure that when you speak to your husband about cross-dressing, you don't judge him. Instead, listen and be open.
10. Do show empathy and try to understand
Although you might not fully understand why your partner dresses in clothes designed for women, you need to try and understand why he does it and show empathy to him. It’s probably a really big deal for him to even speak to you about it, so try to be understanding and nonjudgemental.
11. Don’t pressure him to tell you anything
You might want to rack your husband’s brain about this topic, but it’s going to be really overwhelming for him if you do this. Instead, let him tell you things in his own time and don’t put any added pressure on him.
12. Do ask if he’s questioning his sexuality
Your husband might be heterosexual, as a lot of heterosexual men do crossdress, but it is always worth asking (in a calm, honest, and open manner) if he is questioning his sexuality. If he is, it’s important that you know.
13. Do ask how often and where he cross-dresses
You should ask your partner how often he cross-dresses and where he does it, so you can gauge how much time he wants to spend looking like the opposite sex and whether he wants to do it strictly at home or in public.
14. Do think about your own boundaries
Of course, it’s important that you practice compassion and understanding, but you should also set your own boundaries. If you’re happy for him to crossdress at home but definitely not in public, tell him. If you don’t want him wearing your dresses and would prefer he bought his own, tell him.
15. Do set ground rules that the two of you are happy with
As a pair, you need to lay sound ground rules so that both of you feel happy with the knowledge that no boundaries are being crossed.
16. Do support him
A lot of men really struggle with their emotions when it comes to cross-dressing, so make sure that you support your partner. After all, you’re a team and he supports you right back.
17. Do ensure there’s always an open conversation about it
In case either of you crosses any boundaries or breaks the basic rules you set together, you need to work on maintaining open, honest communication when it comes to this situation especially.
18. Do seek the help of a therapist if you need to
Some couples in this situation find it valuable to spend time speaking with a therapist and communicating with a mediator in place. If you’re struggling to communicate with your partner about his cross-dressing, this is a good idea.
19. Do focus on the love you share
We all have things that we’d rather keep secret or parts of ourselves that make us feel vulnerable and judged, so try not to get too hung up on the fact your partner cross-dresses. You love each other, and underneath it all, that’s what matters in life.
FAQs
Why does my husband want to wear women's clothes?
There’s an array of reasons why your partner might want to wear women’s clothes. Some guys like dressing up in clothes designed for the females because they prefer them because they want to embody a female character for a moment or it can be because they actually want to change sex. It’s important to remember that cross-dressing doesn’t always mean that a guy is gay or transgender though.
Should I let my husband wear my clothes?
It’s completely up to you whether you want your husband to wear things from your closet or not. If their husband is cross-dressing, some women prefer to share their closet with them rather than have them go and buy a complete second wardrobe. However, for other women, the idea of their husband sharing their closet makes them feel uneasy.
What outfits do guys find most attractive?
It really depends on personal preference for what outfit a guy finds most attractive on the opposite sex. Some guys get turned on by short dresses and mini skirts whereas others prefer long skirts and jumpers - beauty really is in the eye of the beholder with this!
Use this tool to check whether he actually is who he says he is
Whether you're married or have just started seeing someone, infidelity rates are on the rise and have increased over 40% in the last 20 years, so you have all the right to be worried.
Perhaps you want to know if he's texting other women behind your back? Or whether he has active Tinder or dating profile? Or worse yet, whether he has a criminal record or is cheating on you?
This tool will do just that and pull up any hidden social media and dating profiles, photos, criminal records, and much more to hopefully help put your doubts to rest.
Should a man tell a woman what to wear?
A man should never tell a woman how to dress as it’s completely her choice. A lot of men feel intimidated when women dress in more revealing clothes, but it’s not their choice to decide how someone should dress. If a guy is trying to tell you how you should and shouldn’t dress, ignore him and dress however you want to.
What do you call a man that dresses like a woman?
Typically, a man that dresses like a woman is called a crossdresser. Cross-dressing normally starts at a young age in life and although hom*osexual men and transgender individuals are known to do it, a lot of cross-dressing males are heterosexual and don’t want to change their sex.
In Conclusion
If your husband is dressing up as the opposite sex, it can come as a shock and you might find it difficult to deal with initially. Hopefully, after reading this article you’re now fully prepared to deal with this situation so that you can support your husband and set your own boundaries in a healthy way.
Utilize this tool to verify if he's truly who he claims to be
Whether you're married or just started dating someone, infidelity rates have risen by over 40% in the past 20 years, so your concerns are justified.
Do you want to find out if he's texting other women behind your back? Or if he has an active Tinder or dating profile? Or even worse, if he has a criminal record or is cheating on you?
This tool can help by uncovering hidden social media and dating profiles, photos, criminal records, and much more, potentially putting your doubts to rest.
How would you react if you discovered your husband was in panties in his suits just beside you in a dinner? Or you stumbled upon pictures of your man fully dressed as a female model you would have admired if you did not notice distinct features of your lover?
Different women have varying reactions to the discovery their husband crossdresses, and this is mostly linked to the method of discovery. From suspicions after a lady notices her best lingerie and underwear missing, to seemingly queer acts then coming home to see their husbands fully dressed in female attire. Some women find this a fascinating, intriguing affair, but most wobble up and double over like one caught in the midst of the tremors of a huge earthquake. What causes this reaction to most people? A viable answer is that, whether the wife finds out herself, or her lover comes out to tell her (some women prefer to see it as a confession), it has been well hidden in the confines of secrecy. In most cases, the husband has really tried to banish that aspect of their personality into the confines of inexistence. Male crossdressers are worried about other people's perception of them, and as stated in an article detailing Sebastien Lifschitz and The Photographers' Gallery titled "Under Cover: A Secret History of Cross-Dressers" 1 some crossdressers get to express their felinity through dressing as female characters in movies, most men are unlucky and do not have the opportunity to dress as a Dolly Paton. They expend effort repressing it.
This article briefly explains cross-dressing, addresses a man’s desire to cross-dress, other opinions on crossdressers and having to enjoy a relationship with a cross-dressing partner.
The most important thing to bear in mind for now is, your relationship will survive, and his cross-dressing will not make your relationship drastically unenjoyable if you both are willing to go around it. Hopefully, this article helps with tips on working things out with a cross-dressing partner, especially y if it is for you, it is a nightmare turn reality upon awakening.
Table of Contents
Crossdressing; What It Means?
Cross-dressing is wearing clothing articles of the opposite sex. Males and females often wear clothing items of the opposite self for various reasons, though prominent among them is the exploration of the sensuality behind the act and the expression of feminine or masculine tendencies inherent in the cross-dresser. The desire to cross dress cuts across numerous reasons, which according to Vern L. Bullough and Bonnie Bullough in their widely acclaimed book Cross Dressing, Sex and Gender. They could be biological, psychological or the results sociological inputs. The Journal of Sex Education and Therapy review of the book, as featured on University of Pennsylvania Press website 2 states thus,
Crossdressing therefore slightly varies from one region to another. Skirts and some other clothes viewed as strictly female in some areas are masculine in others and are for both genders in other climes.
A crossdresser could be partial or complete, from basking in the pleasure of hidden garter belts to fully transforming to the opposite sex, wearing makeup and wigs alongside full female adornments. In some cases, female mannerisms and female names are adopted.
Crossdressing! What It Is Not!
There are many misconceptions surrounding the idea of cross-dressing, especially for males. A crossdresser is not a gay, a transgender or a transsexual. Matty Silver listed some of the misconceptions surrounding cross-dressing in her post (3) titled 'What to Do If Your Husband Is a Cross-Dresser', cross-dressing does not mean any of the following.
- That Your Husband Does Not Love You; The fact he loves crossdressing Does not mean he loves you any less. Cross-dressing men are as loving, caring and romantic as men who do not cross-dress. Crossdressers are known to be more caring, affectionate and connected to their partner as they excuse the more nocturnal sides present in their felinity.
- He Is Gay: Crossdressers are not necessarily gay. In fact, hom*osexual tendencies occur at the same rate between crossdressers and non-cross dressers. The fact he is in a marriage or relationship with you strengthens the assertion he is not gay. Furthermore, cross-dressing is not purely a sexual activity, it sometimes is a reflection of your partner’s feminine side. Some men get better aroused when clad in female clothing, many find it as a way if identifying an aspect of them laying deep down in them, and some others as a pastime. In this article titled ' Helping Wives of Crossdressers to Understand and Cope" (Helping Wives of Crossdressers to Understand and Cope), it is revealed that amongst the numerous male crossdressers in the United States, most of them crossdress to explore the full range of their personalities. Many crossdressers discover their preference for silky, soft female clothing even before their teen years, they, however, are attracted to the opposite sex, though work to feel like them.
- They Want to be Female: No. They only desire to explore the feminine aspect of them. Crossdressers are mostly unwilling to undergo surgery to look more feminine. Transitioning from one gender to another is pivotal to the pleasure acquired.
- It is Easy; Cross dressing could appear to be so much fun to a cross-dresser. Wan has found it hard to understand why a man would do such acts that really displease them for only the fun of it. In truth, cross-dressing goes beyond the fun, for some men, it’s a way of relieving stresses and maintaining physical and psychological balance. Some men could become really grumpy and unhappy if they do not find a way to experience such relief once in a while. Men, therefore, try as much as possible to hide the truth away from others and even themselves.
- They do It for Sexual Pleasure: While many men have reported being crossdressers for the range of sexual pleasures it gives them, some get aroused from the grinding of their shaft again soft cotton panties. Some state it keeps them in a constant state of arousal while it aids some others to have better sexual activities. Many men are excited to have sex with their lovers after having done so in cross-dresses. And possibly garnished it with a lot of role play. Many crossdressers
- Crossdressers Might Be Irresponsible: Simple, their partner generated had to sacrifice a lot of times. Cross Dressers come across as highly successful men, impressive wealth and possibly a beautiful woman like you. In Chapter 3 of 'The Book of Life ', titled 'Relationships; Sex' on the School of Life's website(4)the wrong opinion of many is truthfully stated that 'The concept of a man taking pleasure in putting on a pair of stockings seems laughable, pitiful – and plain sinister ...Cross-dressing seems like an admission of failure. Instead of living up to an ideal of strength, ruggedness and sheer ‘normality’, a man keen to slip on a dress is taken to be a deviant of a particularly alarming sort.' That view is wrong, as even being female is none of the many beliefs people hold, and cross-dressing is simply basking the pleasure of gender fluidity.
- Cross Dressing is A Problem: Many people hold the wrong opinion cross-dressing is a disease or a psychological issue that needs medical attention or mental rehabilitation. Cross-dressing is none of these. It is not a condition that really needs such help.
Why Did He Hide It?
Your partner might have come out plain and told you about his kink right before you entered the relationship. You could also be giving a marriage to a crossdresser you admire a thought and contemplating spending the rest of your life with someone who you think shouldn't be the way he acts or he you just outright discovered. There are some reasons he might have hid awash, prominent among which are
He Was Scare to Lose You:
Women are known to be attracted to the major trait that distinguishes them from men, masculinity. Business Insider (5) and many other sources feed us with the truth if how women find masculinity alluring. Cross Dressers are scared to appear less attractive by a display or their feminine side. Even in very open and accommodating societies, conservatives might still put crossdressers in a discomfiture with their opinion about it. Many men, therefore, hideaway out of the fear that a discovery by their partner would put an end to their relationship. Especially when he had experienced rejections from the previous partner.
It means one thing. He loved you. Didn't want to lose you. He still loves you, but for him not to lose himself, he had to tell you.
He Tried to Put It Aside.
Many men hope their wives would never know and hope to one-day sling across their wife on the sofa, put their arms around them and tell them of how they overcame that fantasy in the past. However, for most men, if not all, it turns out that night they hope to achieve plays out in exactly the opposite way, their hands twisting and knotting in their hair with a woman crying in the discovery of a fear that had never crossed their mind.
Truth is, he could have hoped to work around it, but ended up failing because he found it hard to do away with something so part of him.
He Was Scared of Others Opinion:
Your friends, relatives, neighbors, her parents, your children. The fear of their reaction to this aspect of him and possible denouncement could have made it hide it away from you. He must have hoped to grow out of it as you get more intimate, or he satisfied the cravings in clandestine before coming out plain, or you walked in on him scruffy.
He Wanted You to Discover:
And you did, he might have found it hard telling you straight in the face he cross-dressed, especially when he doesn't know your opinion on it. He could have left trails leading to your discovery.
He Never Wanted You to Know:
But then you stumbled into it. The most important fact is you have known, you have reacted, but then you need to make decisions. Upon Knowing; Reaction and Response.
When you knew, you must have had a reaction. Remaining silent, smiling, laughing, jumping, making backflips, crying, screaming or running out with your head clasped tightly in your hands. Beyond the reaction, which is the impulsive feedback you give upon taking in the information.
You can, however, balance things up with your response, he would have understood your reaction to the news. There are however three responses you can give. Julie Freeman in ' A Significant Other View(6) described different levels of acceptance, writing, 'I find a wide variety of acceptable levels. Some wives are totally non-accepting. They are hostile, angry, upset, and just about ready to walk out the door! At the other end are those wives who are totally accepting. They love their husbands dearly and whatever the husband does is fine with them...And then between those extremes are the vast majority who are not hostile, but are not totally supportive either. These wives are willing to listen to both sides and seem to appreciate the advice given the most’.
If you decide to respond by being in any of the two categories, it would be a pleasant surprise for your husband. Though not everyone would fall in the second category, as only women who have natural tendencies for crossdressers would fall into that category, if you fall in there, that's a whole windfall of luck for you.
Women in the third category would, however, need to take practical steps for a peaceful coexistence.
Coping With A Cross Dressing Husband.
You would both have to adapt to this new discovery by taking steps to help you enjoy your marriage, rather than walk away. You could take the following steps
Try to Understand, Trust and Respect Each Other;
Use this tool to check whether he actually is who he says he is
Whether you're married or have just started seeing someone, infidelity rates are on the rise and have increased over 40% in the last 20 years, so you have all the right to be worried.
Perhaps you want to know if he's texting other women behind your back? Or whether he has active Tinder or dating profile? Or worse yet, whether he has a criminal record or is cheating on you?
This tool will do just that and pull up any hidden social media and dating profiles, photos, criminal records, and much more to hopefully help put your doubts to rest.
Trust and understanding come a long way in your relationship as it takes a new turn on the axis of discovery. As stated in 'Helping Wives of Crossdressers to Understand and Cope” by Phi Epsilon Mu chapter of Tri Ess (7), the couple needs to have open, honest communications to help the relationship become stronger.
It helps to see a counselor.
You can check upon any near to you on the internet.
Set Limits and Conditions;
You and partner might need to set certain conditions for his expression. He, for example, might be unable to cross-dress in the presence of tour children or anyone, not you. You might have to pick up the clothing items he wears, or he can cross-dress for only particular periods, like all through the night.
Think and find new ways to spice up your marriage.
It helps to join support groups for wives of Crossdressers,
you can join those that align with your ideas on the internet. You should intently consider privacy issues. Support groups help your pour and address certain concerns and get help. Women with similar concerns and experiences will be at hand to offer practical advice.
Conclusion
Hopefully, this article is enriching enough to make you understand why your husband crossdresses and how you can have a fulfilling marriage with this discovery. It is understood that you would have been shaken by the knowledge, might have entertained the thought of walking away, but many women have been brave enough to go through it with willing crossdressers.
You can do it too.
We hope to read your contribution to this topic. Please, like and share with your friends and families.
Utilize this tool to verify if he's truly who he claims to be
Whether you're married or just started dating someone, infidelity rates have risen by over 40% in the past 20 years, so your concerns are justified.
Do you want to find out if he's texting other women behind your back? Or if he has an active Tinder or dating profile? Or even worse, if he has a criminal record or is cheating on you?
This tool can help by uncovering hidden social media and dating profiles, photos, criminal records, and much more, potentially putting your doubts to rest.
