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Recently I came upon an article in desiringgod.org called “What Love Is Not —Four Ways We Avoid the Costs.”
I started reading it.
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Marshall Segal began saying, “Is it strangely possible that love is both pervasive and yet endangered in our day?”
He later added, “‘Love’ has come to mean whatever anyone says it means — and to suggest otherwise is, of course, ‘unloving.’
“That those four letters are overused and abused, however, does not alter what love is.”
I decided to shift gears and looked at some of the things I’ve written about love in “Reflections.”
I realized I’ve written plenty about love over the years and even wrote a sermon about love — true love. I got much of my sermon from that great love story, “The Princess Bride.” Bet you thought I was going to say, “Love Story,” but that had some of the worse advice about love. Do you remember Ali McGraw saying, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”
I was married 41 years. It lasted because I did say I was sorry…many times. I remember telling my kids I was sorry for different things as well.
Westley, the hero in “Princess Bride, had a much better understanding of love, true love. But it wasn’t the time he said to his love interest, Princess Buttercup, “Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.”
It was in the beginning of the story when nothing gave Princess Buttercup more pleasure than ordering her servant Westley around. Whatever she commanded he simply replied, “As you wish.”
The Princess eventually realized that when he was saying "As you wish”, he meant, "I love you."
When I was first married to Nancy, I really had no understanding of love, true love.
Like Marshall, I hate what the world has done with word “love” and “making love” or “lovemaking.”
But I will admit that I have misused it as well.
I will also admit that “Princess Bride” is one of my favorite movies of all time.
Especially at the wedding ceremony.
The “Impressive Clergyman”, that’s what they dubbed him in the credits, at least I’m pretty sure that’s what they used. Anyway, the “Impressive Clergyman" did a little better job in defining, “Love, true love,” than Ali McGraw did.
But he also pronounced it, or mispronounced it, “wuv, tru wuv.”
He began the ceremony saying, “Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam... And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva...So tweasure your wuv.”
I do think the “Impressive Clergyman" wascloser to a definition of love than Ali McGraw.
So, where do we find the definition of true love?
Why not go to the Creator of true love, the Creator of the Universe. True love is Agape Love. In marriage it means wanting the best for the spouse — even at the expense of self.
True love means giving more than wanting.
It means more than wanting or wishing for.
This is a far cry from what the world tells us that true love means.
Let’s look at the most quoted Bible passage during wedding ceremonies. We even had this read at our wedding, though at the time I thought it was a Hallmark saying.
One of my groomsmen read it. Unfortunately, we let my roommate, the Grog, have this one.
And he butchered Corinthians.
We find it in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8: Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
“Love never ends.”
I wish Paul didn’t begin with “love is patient.” But over the years I have found myself become more patient.
Love doesn’t come naturally, does it? At least not true love.
The Greeks had many words we translate as love. For instance, philos, which was a brotherly love, and eros, more a sexual feeling.
But true agape love is a willed love. It isn’t dependent on feelings, in fact, it generates them.
Which of these attributes is particularly troubling for you?
How about being irritable? How many wives say, “Sometimes I wake up grumpy — and sometimes I let him sleep?”
I have to will myself not to be irritable.
But fortunately, I don’t have to do it alone —I can’t do it alone.
Love is a Fruit of the Spirit. Turn to Galatians 5:22: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
It begins with love because love best defines God. When we have true love, joy will follow. We don’t naturally become this way.
It takes time. It takes prayer. And it takes doing.
There is so much more to say about love, true love. But let me close with Westly and the “Princess Bride.”
As I already said, Westley said of true love, “Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.” He also said, “This is true love — you think this happens every day?”
No, it doesn’t. But I believe it can. True love is a journey that takes a lifetime. It’s a journey for all married couples. There is no plan B. We can only enjoy true love by dying to ourselves as Christ died for us. And we can only do it with Him and His love. His true love. True love is what brings us together. And keeps us together. True love never ends.
Rick Reed is a columnist for The Daily Commercial, to reach Rick, e-mail him at ricoh007@aol.com. And if you can’t get enough Rick Reed, read his blog at rickreed.co.
