“Don’t try to be happy, just be happy because happiness doesn’t depend on others.”
Vishwas Chavan, Indian author, facilitator and life coach
“How many of you own a vehicle?” he asked and we all raised our hands.
“How many of you own a home?” he asked and most of us raised our hands.
“How many of you own your life?” he asked and we all looked at each other.
I was attending a self-esteem workshop and the topic was self-responsibility. The facilitator explained that we could be “owned” by our work, by our passions, by our need for validation and acceptance and even by our need to be liked. He told us if we wanted a life that was different, purposeful and rewarding, we would have to own it. At the time, I wasn’t quite sure what the term meant. I had always felt that I was a responsible person, but self-responsible?
I always associate responsibility with obligation or duty. Even the word sounded burdensome to me. I had responsibilities at work. I had responsibilities at home. I felt I was being responsible when I did all those things others expected of me. But what responsibility did I have to myself? I had always been told that if I focused too much on myself, I was being selfish.
In the context of personal development, I now believe self-responsibility is acknowledging that we — through our thoughts, feelings and behaviour — are responsible for our life experience. If we’re ever to develop a healthy level of self-esteem and enjoy the life we desire and deserve, we must take responsibility for our choices, our behaviour and our happiness.
Since becoming self-responsible requires work, awareness and persistence, many people find it easier to close their eyes and stumble blindly through life. This form of avoidance can take the form of blaming others for our problems, ignoring or downplaying serious issues or waiting for someone to rescue us or something to happen that will make everything OK. Over the years, I’ve discovered a number of techniques that have helped to keep me on track. Though I can’t take credit for them, I do encourage their use. The first is a simple question: am I being fully self-responsible right now? Keep in mind, being self-responsible does not mean accountable for the welfare of everyone else around you. It means, “Are my thoughts, feelings and behaviour consistent with what I’m wanting to achieve in this moment?”
It’s easy to get comfortable with well-worn beliefs, values and perceptions. And even if they no longer serve us, we keep them around like an old pair of shoes. When I start to get off course, there’s a saying I will often repeat: if it’s to be, it’s up to me. And it’s up to you, wholly. If you need a partial list of what it means to be self-responsible, then repeat after me:
“I am responsible for my emotions so I don’t unload my anger, neediness or pain on others.”
“I am responsible for caring for my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing.”
“I am responsible for managing my time, my resources and my personal finances.”
Self-responsibility is the key to personal freedom.
If you desire deep-level change, then look at the circ*mstances of your life and acknowledge the role you played and still play in making them real. It may help to think of the term self-responsibility as self-response-ability – essentially, the ability to respond rather than react in a kneejerk fashion to the experience of living.
On the topic of self-responsibility, American motivational speaker and writer, Denis Waitley declared, “A sign of wisdom and maturity is when you come to terms with the realization that your decisions cause your rewards and consequences. You are responsible for your life and your ultimate success depends on the choices you make.”
Quite simply, self-responsibility means taking responsibility for aspects of your life that are within your control. You are responsible for the choices in your life, the direction you choose to travel and the way you think and feel. And yes, self-responsibility can be incredibly challenging at times, but it’s worth it. It’s the only way to own your life and realize your true potential.
Murray Fuhrer is a self-esteem expert and facilitator. His most recent book is entitled Extreme Esteem: The Four Factors. For more information on self-esteem, check the Extreme Esteem website at www.extremeesteem.ca
FAQs
Self-responsibility is the key to personal freedom. If you desire deep-level change, then look at the circ*mstances of your life and acknowledge the role you played and still play in making them real.
Why is self-responsibility important? ›
In essence, personal responsibility helps you take control of your choices and your own perceived reality. Personal or individual responsibility is crucial because it helps you regulate your life properly and prevents you from derailing your mental and physical health.
Why is it important to be responsible for yourself and for others? ›
Responsibility is important because it provides a sense of purpose, in addition to building resilience amidst adversity on an individual and societal level. Like an addiction, sidestepping responsibility may feel good in the short-term, but leads to exponentially worse pain and suffering in the long term.
Why is taking self-responsibility the key to gaining control over your own success? ›
When you take personal responsibility, you gain confidence in yourself and your abilities. You learn to trust yourself and your decisions, which can help you take more risks and pursue bigger goals. This confidence can be infectious, inspiring others to take charge of their own lives as well.
What is the idea of self-responsibility? ›
The word responsibility literally means “response-ability,” that is, possessing the ability to respond. So self-responsibility means to not only have the ability to respond, decide and choose, but further to participate in an engaged, most practical possible fashion in taking responsibility for your entire life.
What are the outcomes of self-responsibility? ›
Taking responsibility for our life allows us the satisfaction and contentment of knowing we did our best. Even if the outcome is not as we had hoped, knowing we were in control and we couldn't have done any more gives us peace of mind.
Why is it important to hold yourself accountable? ›
Practicing accountability helps create a mindset that can inspire others to admit to and learn from errors. Losing the fear of accepting blame or admitting responsibility is another step to take on your self-improvement journey.
Why is responsibility an important skill? ›
Responsibility is a valuable trait that helps individuals excel in several areas of their lives. It ensures that they take ownership of their duties and that they care for those around them.
How do you develop self-responsibility? ›
9 Ways to Take Responsibility for Your Life
- Take Responsibility to Prioritize Yourself. ...
- Stop Playing the Blame Game. ...
- Make Time for Self Reflection. ...
- Take Accountability. ...
- Don't Internalize Judgment. ...
- Practice Compassion Towards Yourself. ...
- Be Mindful of Excuses. ...
- Take Responsibility to Remove Toxic People.
Taking full responsibility for all aspects of our lives, regardless of what has happened or why, is one of the most important things we can do to improve the quality of our lives, relationships, and work outcomes. It comes with many benefits. Taking full responsibility can: boost our confidence.
Responsibility is accepting what is required and carrying out the task to the best of your ability. Responsibility is carrying out duties with integrity. When one is responsible, there is the contentment of having made a contribution. As a responsible person, I have something worthwhile to offer — so do others.
What is an example of being self responsible? ›
Solving problems and making decisions without anyone having to push you. For example, a high school student who is expected to achieve reasonable academic results without parents pushing them to complete things or study.
What is an example of responsible self? ›
Examples of Taking Responsibility for Your Actions
You recognize and own up to your part of what is occurring. If your message is hurtful to someone, you are willing to examine how your communication may have been damaging. You don't blame others when you're at fault. You don't make excuses for why things are happening.
How does responsibility improve your life? ›
Accepting responsibility is crucial for success because it helps you work through your mistakes without being weighed down by regret, guilt, or shame. It also builds strength of character as a person becomes better at admitting they are not perfect and doing what needs to be done to make up for their mistakes.
How do I hold myself and others accountable? ›
Self-accountability requires effort and delayed gratification, so remind yourself there's something positive you're working toward at the end of every goal. Set both short-term and long-term goals. When it comes to completing a project, set a long series of micro-goals that add up to one big goal.
What are the positive results of accountability? ›
Positive results of accountability
increased feelings of competency, increased employee commitment to the work, more creativity and innovation, and. higher employee morale and satisfaction with the work.
What is a strong sense of accountability? ›
Accountability is when people take responsibility for their own actions. It's about taking initiative and recognizing not only that individuals have the power to cause problems, but also to fix them.
What is the most important of responsibility? ›
Accountability. Holding yourself accountable for something means that you accept full responsibility for the outcome and success of any given task. This is arguably one of the most important elements of being a highly responsible person.
What is the true meaning of responsibility? ›
the state or fact of being responsible, answerable, or accountable for something within one's power, control, or management. an instance of being responsible: The responsibility for this mess is yours! a particular burden of obligation upon one who is responsible: the responsibilities of authority.
Why is responsibility key? ›
Builds Trust and Respect: When individuals take responsibility for their actions, they earn the trust and respect of those around them. This is because accountability demonstrates integrity, honesty, and a willingness to learn and improve. People who are accountable are viewed as reliable, dependable, and trustworthy.
Taking Responsibility Creates Integrity
Many people have been taught to believe that by accepting responsibility that it weakens their position or causes them to look bad. But in reality, the inverse is true. By taking responsibility and accepting the consequences we create safe places of trust and learning.
How does responsibility lead to success? ›
When you're truly responsible, you believe that success or failure is up to you, even if you work within a team or are blind-sided by unforeseen circ*mstances. You own your commitment to a result before the fact, before you even take action.
What is responsibility as a core value? ›
As one of The Nine Core Values, Responsibility is defined as accounting for one's actions; dependable.
What happens when we don't take any responsibilities? ›
Over time, failing to accept responsibility has severe consequences. First and foremost, it has a devastating effect on your own mind and heart. When you know you have failed to take responsibility for something that you should, it'll begin to bother you, to eat at you, little by little.
What are moral values of responsibility? ›
In philosophy, moral responsibility is the status of morally deserving praise, blame, reward, or punishment for an act or omission in accordance with one's moral obligations. Deciding what (if anything) counts as "morally obligatory" is a principal concern of ethics.
What are the 3 types of responsibility? ›
It also helps to assess the consistency of the formalisation of responsibility, not only by showing that definitions are not inconsistent, but also by providing a formal demonstration of the relation between three main meanings of responsibility (accountability, blameworthiness, and obligation).
What are 3 of your personal responsibilities? ›
Ten examples of personal responsibility at work
Accept responsibility for your problems and attempt to handle them on yourself. Take charge of your problems and try to handle them on your own. Admit and apologize for the mistakes you made. Learn and adhere to the workplace's norms and rules.
What is a real life example of responsibility? ›
For example, your parents expect you to brush your teeth. Brushing your teeth is “a responsibility” and it is your responsibility to brush your teeth every day. Another example is that your teacher expects you to finish your homework on time and to do your best job.
What is self-responsibility Why is it the key to gaining maximum control over the outcomes and experiences of your life? ›
What is self-responsibility? Why is it the key to gaining maximum control over the outcomes and experiences of your life? Believing that YOU always have a way to improve your present situation will motivate you to look for it, and by looking you'll often discover options you would never have found otherwise.
Is responsibility the key to success? ›
Being responsible is a major key to success. As learned, people know that success is all up to themselves. Responsibility is an action people must take to be successful, and not being responsible can lead to failure.
A developed sense of responsibility encourages you to understand that everyone makes mistakes and what's important is how you address them. Learning from your mistakes, rather than attempting to avoid them, can often cause a change to happen.
What is an example of taking personal responsibility for your own actions? ›
Examples of Taking Responsibility for Your Actions
You recognize and own up to your part of what is occurring. If your message is hurtful to someone, you are willing to examine how your communication may have been damaging. You don't blame others when you're at fault. You don't make excuses for why things are happening.
What are three examples of responsibility? ›
Some everyday examples of responsibility you could use include:
- Being a good parent.
- Working with other people.
- Difficult decisions you've had to make.
- Looking after yourself and others.
The cornerstone of building self-confidence requires accepting responsibility for our happiness as well as our unhappiness and problems.
Why is responsibility is a motivation? ›
Responsibilities. People are motivated when their responsibilities are meaningful and engage their abilities and values. The most motivating responsibilities are those that stretch and develop skills. Responsibilities are most meaningful when they fit a person's values.
Why does responsibility make a good leader? ›
It means that you make a plan, that you prioritize, and that you set goals that will get you where you want to go. Being a good leader means that you will be responsible. You can demonstrate self-control, choose your behaviour and responses, and what you think about the consequences of your actions.
How can personal responsibility assist you in becoming a better leader? ›
Being responsible as a leader means you know how to respond to situations maturely and professionally while also being able to perform and complete the tasks given to you. A responsible leader also has an obligation to commit to a specific ability or comply with certain rules.
