And how to break the vicious cycle.
REUTERS
"Shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist."
So said Tammy Faye Bakker, the late gospel singer whose extravagant mane suggested a lifetime spent exorcising her own psychological demons at the hair salon. But no laughing, Tammy was onto something. A well-timed trip to the mall is a long-approved variety of psychic medicine. No matter how preposterously officious the term "retail therapy" might sound to you, research has consistently found that shopping our way out of an emotional hole really does work.
Sometimes.
The dark side of materialism as a tonic is that shopping bags aren't a great replacement for friendships. Loneliness can make us materialistic. Feeling isolated makes us anxious, which makes us less likely to get up the energy to make and maintain connections that would make us feel less alone. So, in the hunt for immediate pleasure, some people turn to shopping. But medicating our loneliness at the mall can make us lonelier, over time, as shoppers begin to learn that it is challenging to form a meaningful relationship with a wristwatch or brag about one's children to a porcelain vase.
This vicious cycle, "the loneliness loop," has been studied by economists for more than a decade. But surely, if retail therapy can be medicine, there must be a way for shopping to make us feel less lonely, right? There is, Rik Pieters argues in a fascinating new article in the Journal of Consumer Research (pdf). But to understand how, we need to get our terms right.
Lonely, I think we all get. But what are we talking about when we talk about materialists? Economists have suggested there are actually three flavors of materialism: "acquisition centrality, possession-defined success, and acquisition as the source of happiness." These are horrible terms. So let's re-term them Materialism A, B, and C. As we're about to see, it matters very much which brand of materialism you affiliate with.
- Materialism A ("acquisition centrality") is your classic shopoholic. These materialists like shopping for the experience. They like owning nice stuff, because, hey, it's nice stuff. They are comforted by the aura of luxury.
- Materialism B ("possession-defined success") is your classic Keeping-Up-With-the-Jones' folks. These materialists buy new things because they're constantly comparing their lot to others'.
- Materialism C ("acquisition as source of happiness") is your classic middle-age crisis, the fogey who buys a Porsche because he thinks it will make him feel young again. These materialists buy things because they feel an emotional deficit in their life that they want to fill with stuff. They have a very clear idea that some thing will make them happier.
From those descriptions, it might sound like B and C are the most mature forms of materialism, or at least the easiest ones to admit at a party. But they're actually the most pernicious. Pieters suggests that lonely shoppers who splurge on nice shoes because they're jealous of their colleague's Kate Spade's or who regard a Louis Vuitton suitcase as the missing keystone to their eternal arc of happiness are dangerously deluding themselves:
Valuing material possessions as a measure of success and as a medicine for happiness were associated with increases in loneliness over time, and loneliness in its turn was associated with increases in these subtypes of materialism. Jointly, this forms the vicious side of the materialism-loneliness cycle, which perpetuates once it is formed.
Ironically, it's the maligned shopoholics who seem to have it right, and they might hold the key to breaking the vicious cycle of loneliness and consumption. "Valuing possessions as a source of material mirth in life was associated with decreases in loneliness over time," Pieters found, surprisingly. And loneliness didn't increase that kind of materialism, either.
What does that actually mean for lonely shoppers? Understand that when you buy a shoe, you're not buying that one missing slice of happiness. You're not buying a magical bauble that will win you the stunning admiration of friends and colleagues. You are buying ... a shoe. You like shoes? Go buy shoes. It might even make you happier. But a shoe is just a shoe. There is a kind of intellectual honesty to the purest brand of materialism.
FAQs
Loneliness can make us materialistic. Feeling isolated makes us anxious, which makes us less likely to get up the energy to make and maintain connections that would make us feel less alone. So, in the hunt for immediate pleasure, some people turn to shopping.
What is the loneliness loop? ›
The loneliness loop typically starts with things out of our control. It might be a major incident like a breakup or losing a loved one. But it could also be a series of subtle rejections, untended relationship problems, or general life dissatisfaction. Predispositions based on genes or culture also have a role to play.
Why do we buy things when we are sad? ›
Spending money can be a coping mechanism like anything else, something you turn to when you're feeling emotional, need a little flicker of something new or aspirational, or want to activate the feel-good chemicals in your brain, says Lindsay Bryan-Podvin, LMSW, certified financial therapist and founder of Mind Money ...
What is it called when you shop when you're sad? ›
Experts define "retail therapy" as the psychological challenge called "oniomania," or compulsive shopping. One may continue partaking in shopping habits because it can offer a sense of relief from their feelings of anxiety, depression, or shame.
Why do I shop when I'm lonely? ›
Research has shown people who experience loneliness are more likely to engage in impulsive behaviors like shopping or spending money than those who don't experience loneliness. That's because when you are feeling lonely, buying something gives you a sense of connection and belonging - even if it's temporary.
What is the endless feeling of loneliness? ›
Chronic loneliness occurs when feelings of loneliness and uncomfortable social isolation go on for a long period of time. It's characterized by constant and unrelenting feelings of being alone, separated or divided from others, and an inability to connect on a deeper level.
What is behind loneliness? ›
Researchers suggest that loneliness is associated with social isolation, poor social skills, introversion, and depression. 4. Loneliness, according to many experts, is not necessarily about being alone. Instead, if you feel alone and isolated, then that is how loneliness plays into your state of mind.
Why do I shop when I'm stressed? ›
When you're stressed, spending money on something (no matter what it is) provides some sort of relief. The act of purchasing something boosts your mood and gives you comfort. Hence the phrase "retail therapy." But this relief is short-lived, Wright explains.
How to stop the urge to shop? ›
Identify and remove your spending triggers
- Unsubscribe from store newsletters or lists of things you can buy.
- Delete apps that make buying easy from your phone.
- Don't save credit card information on sites where you shop—if you need to purchase something, enter the card info manually.
We all experience emotions, and it is common to have the occasional impulse to buy something when we are feeling down, stressed, or even happy. However, when these impulses become excessive, we may be dealing with a more severe problem: compulsive buying disorder.
Emotional spending is spending money during a period of heightened emotions, like stress or sadness. It often results in buying items you don't really need, or even want. Mental health experts say this is a coping mechanism to avoid addressing those difficult emotions, but there are many ways to deal with it.
How do I stop being sad when shopping? ›
8 Steps to Reduce Emotional Spending
- Monitor Your Spending to Find “Emotional” Purchases. ...
- Use the 48-Hour Rule. ...
- Remove Spending Apps from Your Phone (And Unsubscribe to Emails Encouraging You to Spend) ...
- Reduce Retail Therapy by Sticking to a Budget. ...
- Get Support from a Good Friend When Feeling Tempted to Spend.
You may be suffering from social anxiety, as stores are social places with many people and loud noises. You might be anxious about having to interact with people, as in, the cashiers, or just people in general. You might be fearing the fact that you could see someone you know.
What happens if you are too lonely? ›
NEGATIVE EFFECTS
Loneliness and social isolation are also associated with increased blood pressure, higher cholesterol levels, depression and, if that weren't bad enough, decreases in cognitive abilities and Alzheimer's disease.
What happens to your body when you're lonely? ›
What happens to your body when you're lonely? “When you're experiencing loneliness, your levels of cortisol, a stress hormone, go up,” she says. “Cortisol can impair cognitive performance, compromise the immune system, and increase your risk for vascular problems, inflammation and heart disease.”
How come I'm so lonely? ›
You're feeling lonely because you are navigating mental or physical health conditions that make it hard for you to spend time with others. You feel lonely because you may have gone through a recent breakup or a loss, and you're reeling from the normal emotions that follow.
What is the paradox of loneliness? ›
Loneliness is a subjective experience unique to each individual. It is feeling socially disconnected and isolated despite being surrounded by people or having an extensive network of acquaintances. This paradox of feeling alone in a crowd can often leave individuals confused and searching for answers.
What is the vicious cycle of loneliness? ›
Loneliness arises from social disconnection as the discrepancy between desired and actual levels of social connection. Loneliness might lead to further social isolation through maladaptive biobehavioral changes and increased stress sensitivity in a vicious cycle independent of disease.
What are the three types of loneliness? ›
“There are three types of loneliness: -Intimate Loneliness: needing a confident. -Relational Loneliness: needing friends. -Collective Loneliness: needing a group to belong to.
What is loneliness theory? ›
In this cognitive discrepancy theory of loneliness, cognition – how we get knowledge and understanding through thought, experience and emotions – explains the negative thoughts and feelings of loneliness experienced when our social relationships are unsatisfactory.
