The Piggy Bank of Emotional Deposits and Withdrawals (2024)

The Piggy Bank of Emotional Deposits and Withdrawals (1)

We all have emotional piggy banks that receive daily deposits and withdrawals from those around us. When someone brings you flowers, it’s a deposit! If someone in the family asks when you’re having another baby, it might be a withdrawal. And these all add up!

On days when we’ve had more withdrawals than we’re used to, we might feel a little on edge or depleted. The same goes for kids! When it comes to parenting, withdrawals are part of the job. Asking children to do things that aren’t at the top of their list (like washing their hands) or to stop doing something (like hitting their sister) is all part of raising healthy happy kids.

The trick is to make sure their deposits outweigh their withdrawals. To keep your kids in a good mental space, try to give them five deposits for every withdrawal. That way, your child will have some change to spare when you need them to cooperate with your requests. Below are some ideas for ways to make daily deposits into your child’s emotional piggy bank.

Examples of emotional deposits

So what are emotional deposits? That’s easy! You do them every day when you spend one-on-one time with your little learner.

  • Babies and toddlers:
    • Acknowledge and respond to your child’s needs as soon as possible.
    • Use a warm, calming tone when speaking with them.
    • Follow their lead when they’re trying to share something with you.
    • Spend time on the floor playing together.
  • 2-year-olds and older:
    • Engage in one-on-one interactions at their eye level.
    • Acknowledge their communication (verbally or nonverbally).
    • Follow their lead and interests during play and discovery.
    • Provide specific feedback to their ideas, thoughts, and actions, like:
      • “Excellent idea for ...”
      • “I really like how you … “
      • “That’s a cool way to ...”

Here’s a tip: To practice the 5:1 ratio, put 5 rubber bands or pieces of string on your wrist. As you give deposits, move the bands one at a time to the opposite wrist. This will help you keep up with how many deposits you’ve made. Challenge yourself to not make a withdrawal before making your five deposits.

Keep in mind that new strategies may take a couple of weeks to show results. Don’t be discouraged! As you practice this more with your child you should start to see the benefits. Not only will you reduce the frequency of challenging behaviors, you’ll also build their self-esteem and model ways to build positive relationships with others.

The Piggy Bank of Emotional Deposits and Withdrawals (2024)

FAQs

What is the emotional piggy bank concept? ›

The Emotional Piggy Bank concept, introduced by John Gottman, suggests that healthy relationships thrive when partners consistently make emotional deposits into each other's accounts and minimize emotional withdrawals.

What is deposit and withdrawal in emotional bank account? ›

Essentially, when you turn toward your partner's bids for connection, you are making a deposit in your Emotional Bank Account. And when you turn away from your partner, you make a withdrawal. Just like a real bank account, a zero balance is trouble, and a negative balance is the real danger zone.

What is the piggy bank metaphor? ›

The Emotional Piggy Bank analogy looks at how we can deposit within our minds and bodies, instead of constantly withdrawing. It is a useful tool to look at how we can manage self care and stress management, and pay attention to refilling when we expecting a lot from ourselves.

What does covey mean by the emotional bank account? ›

We all know how our regular bank account works. We make deposits, save up money, and when we need that money later, we withdraw it. An emotional bank account is an account of trust instead of money. It's an account based on how safe you feel with another person.

What is the piggy bank theory? ›

The idea is that, if you eat more calories than you consume, you gain weight. If you eat less calories than you burn, you gain weight. You can think about it like a piggy bank. You feed the piggy bank money (calories).

What is the piggy bank technique? ›

One way to simplify all this and to get control of our budget is to break down all our spending into three categories. Put simply, everything that we spend money on can be sorted into one of three 'pots', or piggy banks - either Bills & Regular Payments, Day-to-Day Spending, and Savings & Big Purchases.

What are the 7 habits deposits in an emotional bank account? ›

Actually, following these few simple guidelines could drastically improve all your relationships!
  • Understand the auditee. Listen intently to what the auditee says and empathize with how they may feel. ...
  • Keep commitments. ...
  • Clarify expectations. ...
  • Attend to the little things. ...
  • Maintain integrity. ...
  • Apologize.
Apr 12, 2024

What is an example of an emotional deposit? ›

We all have emotional piggy banks that receive daily deposits and withdrawals from those around us. When someone brings you flowers, it's a deposit! If someone in the family asks when you're having another baby, it might be a withdrawal. And these all add up!

How do I deposit into my emotional bank account? ›

How to deposit in the Emotional Bank Account
  1. Catch your partner doing something good. ...
  2. Give your partner a compliment. ...
  3. Respond positively to your partner's bids. ...
  4. Do something nice for them. ...
  5. Show genuine interest in your partner and their world. ...
  6. Show your partner physical affection. ...
  7. Spend quality time with them.

What does a piggy bank symbolize? ›

In the Chinese zodiac, the pig is a symbol of wealth and prosperity, and giving a piggy bank is believed to bring good luck and fortune to the recipient. The piggy bank is also seen as a practical gift, as it encourages saving and financial responsibility, which are important values in Chinese culture.

What is the concept of piggy bank? ›

Piggy bank (sometimes penny bank or money box) is the traditional name of a coin container normally used by children. The piggy bank is known to collectors as a "still bank" as opposed to the "mechanical banks" popular in the early 20th century.

Why do they call it a piggy bank? ›

AT ONE time, people used to keep their money in pots made of a type of earthenware called pigge. These so-called 'pigge banks' were not at first made in the shape of pigs, but presumably some manufacturer thought it was funny to do so.

What is the emotional piggy bank? ›

Throughout the day, each time a child is noticed, affirmed, or given time or affection, a deposit is made into their emotional piggy bank. Their “balance” goes up. Each demand or negative interaction is a withdrawal from the piggy bank. For more on withdrawals, click here. Emotional Piggy Bank.

What is the purpose of making frequent deposits into a child emotional bank? ›

Emotional Deposits Build Trust and Security

Every time we interact positively, treating another person with courtesy, dignity, kindness, compassion, honesty, and integrity, it makes a deposit into their emotional bank account. You build up a balance and they trust you more.

What is the concept of emotional bank account? ›

The Emotional Bank Account is a metaphorical account that represents the quality of the relationship between two individuals. The balance of the account can be positive or negative, depending on the number of deposits and withdrawals made.

What is the emotional bank analogy? ›

Stephen Covey's metaphor of the Emotional Bank Account is a proactive way to establish a foundation of trust. This idea describes relationships just like bank accounts. All relationships start with a neutral balance in the account, and allows for deposits and withdrawals.

What is the story behind the piggy bank? ›

Piggy banks didn't start out shaped like pigs. There are a few theories on why these coin-storing containers were dubbed "piggy banks." One theory dating back 600 years suggests they were made from an orange-colored clay called "pygg." People used it to make all sorts of household stuff, including pots and jars.

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