Understanding the five stages of grief (2024)

You might have heard of the five stages. But what are they, and does grief really follow a set timeframe?

Who developed the five stages of grief?

The five stages of grief model was developed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, and became famous after she published her book On Death and Dying in 1969. Kübler-Ross developed her model to describe people with terminal illness facing their own death. But it was soon adapted as a way of thinking about grief in general.

Do the five stages happen in order?

The five stages – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – are often talked about as if they happen in order, moving from one stage to the other. You might hear people say things like ‘Oh I’ve moved on from denial and now I think I’m entering the angry stage’. But this isn’t often the case.

In fact Kübler-Ross, in her writing, makes it clear that the stages are non-linear – people can experience these aspects of grief at different times and they do not happen in one particular order. You might not experience all of the stages, and you might find feelings are quite different with different bereavements.

What are the five stages of grief?

Denial

Feeling numb is common in the early days after a bereavement. Some people at first carry on as if nothing has happened. Even if we know with our heads that someone has died it can be hard to believe that someone important is not coming back. It’s also very common to feel the presence of someone who has died, hear their voice or even see them.

Anger

Anger is a completely natural emotion, and very natural after someone dies. Death can seem cruel and unfair, especially when you feel someone has died before their time or you had plans for the future together. It’s also common to feel angry towards the person who has died, or angry at ourselves for things we did or didn’t do before their death.

Bargaining

When we are in pain, it’s sometimes hard to accept that there’s nothing we can do to change things. Bargaining is when we start to make deals with ourselves, or perhaps with God if we’re religious. We want to believe that if we act in particular ways we will feel better. It’s also common to find ourselves going over and over things that happened in the past and asking a lot of ‘what if’ questions, wishing we could go back and change things in the hope things could have turned out differently.

Depression

Sadness and longing are what we think of most often when we think about grief. This pain can be very intense and come in waves over many months or years. Life can feel like it no longer holds any meaning which can be very scary.

Acceptance

Grief comes in waves and it can feel like nothing will ever be right again. But gradually most people find that the pain eases, and it is possible to accept what has happened. We may never ‘get over’ the death of someone precious, but we can learn to live again, while keeping the memories of those we have lost close to us.

Make a regular or one-off donationYour donation will help people who are struggling with grief, to get the support they need. Read more

Frequently Asked Questions

The five stages are useful for understanding some of the different reactions you might have to a death. But it’s important to remember that every grief journey is unique.

It certainly doesn’t mean that something is wrong if you experience a whole mess of different stages and emotions, or if you never pass through some of the ‘stages.’

Since the five stages were first developed, there have been lots of new ways of thinking about grief. At Cruse, our understanding has grown over the years, based on research into the best ways to help and understand bereaved people.

We now know there are many ways to experience grief and many models to help us understand bereavement. One we find can be helpful, is the idea of ‘growing around your grief.’ In this model, there are no set stages or phases to bereavement. Instead, your grief remains the same but, as you grow as a person, it starts to take up less space in your life.

What to read next

How long does grief last?People often ask us 'when will the pain stop?' But the truth is there are no set stages or time limits to grief. Read more
Am I normal?We answer some of the most common questions and concerns people have about how they feel when they are grieving.Read more
Traumatic griefWhen someone dies in a traumatic way, it can be difficult to cope. We're here to help you make sense of how you're feeling. Read more

Grieving people need your helpA donation from you will help us continue to provide the support and information that we know helps so many. And with costs rising and more people than ever reaching out for support, your gift has never been more important.Donate today

FAQs

Understanding the five stages of grief? ›

The five stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling.

Tell Me More ›

What do each of the 5 stages of grief mean? ›

Learn More ›

How do you remember the five stages of grief? ›

Grief is universal. People often describe grief as passing through 5 or 7 stages. The 5 stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

Show Me More ›

What is the hardest stage of grief? ›

There really is no stage that is the hardest or one that all people get stuck in the longest. That said, for some people, the hardest stage might be the “depression” stage while for others this might be the bargaining stage of grief or “anger.”.

See Details ›

What are the five stages of grief and provide examples of how a person might react in each stage? ›

The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. During denial, an individual refuses to accept reality. In the anger stage, the individual directs their anger at others or themselves. During bargaining, individuals try to negotiate their way out of pain.

Get More Info ›

Can you skip the stages of grief? ›

You may find yourself or your loved ones moving back and forth between stages, or even skipping some altogether. The most important thing to remember is that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. There isn't one specific way that loss affects people.

Know More ›

Can the stages of grief be out of order? ›

In fact Kübler-Ross, in her writing, makes it clear that the stages are non-linear – people can experience these aspects of grief at different times and they do not happen in one particular order. You might not experience all of the stages, and you might find feelings are quite different with different bereavements.

Find Out More ›

What is the most intense type of grief? ›

This is known as complicated grief, sometimes called persistent complex bereavement disorder. In complicated grief, painful emotions are so long lasting and severe that you have trouble recovering from the loss and resuming your own life.

Keep Reading ›

What are the 6 R's of grief? ›

The R processes are recognition of the loss, reaction to the separation, recollection and re- experiencing the deceased and the relationship, relinquishing old attachments to the deceased and old assumptions, readjusting to the new world, and reinvesting.

Learn More Now ›

What are the three pillars of grief? ›

So the 3 pillars in healing are, Processing through your mind, processing through your body, and Community.

Find Out More ›

What is the most difficult death to recover from? ›

Different kinds of bereavement

In general, death of a child is the most difficult kind of loss, and bereaved family members are at elevated risk for depression and anxiety for close to a decade after the loss.

What is the hardest thing to grieve? ›

Losing someone you love is the hardest thing in the world to deal with. Itʼs a kind of pain that you physically feel all over your body. Itʼs suffering of the worst kind. To make things even worse, it seems like no one else understands how youʼre feeling.