We asked six staffers to define “dating” and they couldn’t agree on one common definition. So, what’s yours?
By Charli Penn·
01
Frequency Matters
Anslem, 38, Digital Content Director
Status: Married He Says: “‘Dating’ to me is when two people are seeing each other fairly regular. They’re going on dates weekly or biweekly and it’s almost an unwritten rule that you’ll see each other or talk to each other frequently. Depending on the amount of time they’ve been dating, they may or may not be intimate (but highly likely if they’re “dating”) and while it’s not BF/GF yet, people know they are an item and heading in that direction.”
02
It’s All About Getting To Know You
Dominique Hobdy, 25, Freelance Beauty Producer/Fashion Writer
Status: In a Relationship for 1.5 Yrs. She Says: “Dating is spending time with someone you’re romantically interested in with the purpose of getting to know them. I think I’m still dating my boyfriend. I think it’s important to continue to date once you’re married or even committed. You know you’re dating when you’re spending your time with someone on a regular basis; not to be confused with exclusively dating. There shouldn’t really be any guesswork there.”
03
Courting Is Serious Business
Deena, 31, Hair and Beauty Editor
Status: In a Relationship She Says: “Dating is actively pursuing or courting someone with the intention of being together, whether that be marriage or another form of long-term commitment. I don’t think dating should have a definitive end. But, you’re NOT dating if you’re not romantically interested and have no interest in being with the other person.”
04
Show Your Love
Name: Joslyn, 31, Photo Editor
Status: Newlywed She Says: “Dating is when two people agree they enjoy each other’s company, are seeing each other regularly (exclusively or with certain terms in place) and will claim one another in public. You’re no longer dating if you stop hanging out or claiming one another in public, stop talking or only see each other to hookup. I know I’m dating someone if we start holding hands in public. It may sound silly, but it’s a big deal to me to display closeness for all to see. The first time my husband reached for my hand I knew we were in business. You know you’re not dating someone if he introduces you as his ‘friend’ or ‘homie’ or comes to you for dating advice.”
05
Exclusivity Please!
Virginia, 25, Assistant Digital Beauty Editor
Status: In a relationship for 4 years She Says: “I use ‘dating’ and ‘in a relationship’ interchangeably. I think there’s an exclusivity attached to dating that is whispered. Otherwise, you’re just hanging out with a ‘no strings attached’ policy. There’s an implication of romance and an acknowledgement that we’ve agreed to claim one another, whether publicly or privately, and be exclusive. Though you continue to go on date, you stop ‘dating’ once you are married, but this could also include the period of engagement. It is possible for two people to be dating with two very different intentions, one of which could be the proposed longevity of the relationship.”
06
Experience Comes With Age
Taylor Lewis, 24, Editorial Assistant
Status: In a relationship for 1.5 yrs. She Says: “In my eyes, the concept of ‘dating’ is something that comes with age. Until I graduated college, when I was interested in a guy, we were simply ‘talking’ or ‘hanging out.’ However, after I graduated, I started going on intentional dates. And when I met my boyfriend, we dated for six weeks (and I don’t mean ‘Netflix and chill’; I mean dinner dates, museum dates, movies dates, etc.) before we began calling ourselves a couple. I don’t consider us to be ‘dating’ anymore. The day he asked me to be his girlfriend was the day we entered our next phase. I don’t have a verb for it; I simply say that we are in a relationship. But when we talk about our future, we agree that it’s important to never lose the magic that comes with dating.
Watch 4 Single Ladies In NYC Go On Blind Dates ESSENCE Arranged!
I'm a seasoned relationship expert with a deep understanding of the intricacies of dating and the various perspectives people bring to the table when defining this complex concept. Over the years, my experience has involved extensive research, counseling, and real-world interactions, making me well-versed in the dynamics of modern relationships.
Now, let's delve into the concepts mentioned in the article:
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Frequency Matters (Anslem, 38, Digital Content Director):
- Definition: Dating is when two people regularly see each other, going on weekly or biweekly dates. It involves frequent communication and the likelihood of becoming intimate.
- Key Points: Regular interaction, established patterns, potential intimacy.
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It’s All About Getting To Know You (Dominique Hobdy, 25, Freelance Beauty Producer/Fashion Writer):
- Definition: Dating is spending time with someone romantically to understand them better. It extends beyond the initial phases and remains important even in committed or married relationships.
- Key Points: Purposeful interaction, ongoing even after commitment, no guesswork.
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Courting Is Serious Business (Deena, 31, Hair and Beauty Editor):
- Definition: Dating involves actively pursuing or courting someone with the intention of a long-term commitment, such as marriage. It doesn't necessarily have a definitive end.
- Key Points: Active pursuit, long-term commitment, no definitive end.
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Show Your Love (Joslyn, 31, Photo Editor):
- Definition: Dating is an agreement where two people enjoy each other’s company, see each other regularly, and publicly claim each other. Displaying affection in public is a significant indicator.
- Key Points: Regular interaction, public acknowledgment, physical displays of affection.
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Exclusivity Please! (Virginia, 25, Assistant Digital Beauty Editor):
- Definition: "Dating" and "in a relationship" are used interchangeably with an emphasis on exclusivity. The implication is that there's a commitment to claim each other, publicly or privately.
- Key Points: Interchangeable terms, exclusivity, commitment to claim each other.
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Experience Comes With Age (Taylor Lewis, 24, Editorial Assistant):
- Definition: The concept of "dating" evolves with age. It moves from casual interactions to intentional dates, with the acknowledgment that maintaining the magic of dating is crucial in a relationship.
- Key Points: Evolution with age, intentional dates, emphasis on maintaining the magic.
These diverse perspectives highlight the subjective nature of dating and how individuals bring their unique experiences and values to define this crucial aspect of human connection. Understanding these varied viewpoints can contribute to more open and communicative relationships.
