When it comes to dating and relationship lingo, the expression “taking things slow” can mean different things to different people. For instance, taking it slow can refer to someone’s desire to hold off on engaging in different kinds of intimate acts—but other people might think of it as wanting to spend a certain amount of time together before making a more serious commitment or defining a relationship.
Whatever the case may be, if your partner tells you that they'd like to take things slow, it’s important to understand the possible motivations and explanations that come along with this statement—and to get to the root of what they really mean. We break it all down ahead.
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The Definition of Taking It Slow in a Relationship
"Taking it slow" is a colloquial phrase used to indicate that a romantic relationship is progressing slowly, either physically and/or emotionally. There are many reasons why a person might want to take things slow, whether that's because they've been hurt before, want to gauge your compatibility, or need to assess what they truly want from a partnership right now.
Why a Person Might Want to Take Things Slow in a Relationship
There are many reasons why someone might be interested in taking it slow when it comes to relationships.
They're Just Getting Out of a Serious Relationship
In many cases, people want to take things slow because they’re just getting out of a serious commitment, and the thought of immediately plunging back into an intense connection with someone new is daunting. If your partner has been hurt in this past relationship and/or has been off the market for some time, it may be even more challenging for him or her to fully open his or her heart to you right off the bat. With this in mind, taking it slow enables your partner to develop a new connection at a rate that’s comfortable.
They're Setting Boundaries for Intimate Acts
Another incentive for your partner’s desire to take things slowly may simply have to do with their comfort level and/or the importance they place on certain physical acts. For example, some people choose to be intimate right away, while others want to wait a certain amount of time before moving their relationship to new levels. By taking things slowly, your partner is able to build a physical as well as emotional connection with you at a relaxed pace that’s pressure-free.
They're Figuring Out Their Wants and Needs
Your partner may not be fully able or ready to move your relationship forward at a faster pace, because they may still be unsure about what he or she’s looking for at this point in his or her life. To that end, your partner may still want to get to know you better, date other people, and/or fully explore their options before diving into something more serious with you—and taking things slowly grants the freedom to do so.
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They're Trying to Avoid Ruining a Good Thing
Another motivation for this approach is that your partner doesn't want to ruin or rush the good thing you have going together. After all, many relationships that start off too fast can end up leading to heartache and heartbreak because you and your partner took major relationship steps before really getting to know each other. However, by taking things slow, your partner is hoping to build an even stronger foundation on which your budding and blooming connection can grow.
They're Setting by a Timeframe for Relationship Milestones
Your partner may have assigned meaning to different relationship milestones, occurrences, and events. For example, they may put a great deal of importance on introducing you to his parents, going on a trip together, or even becoming friends on Facebook. And in order for your partner to be truly comfortable, ready, and willing to hit these self-proclaimed monumental relationship moments, taking things slow enables these occurrences to happen when the timing is right in every respect.
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How to Know If Taking It Slow Is Right for You
Once you understand the different possible reasons behind your partner’s motivation, you can then decide if you’re on board with his or her timetable with respect to your own wants and needs. After all, relationships are all about timing, and if you and your partner have conflicting preferences and priorities regarding its pace, it may be a bigger sign that you may not want to enter into a relationship with this person.
Tips for Taking It Slow in a Relationship
If you decide that you are on board with your partner's timeline—or are the party who wants to take things slow—there are a few things that you can do to ensure you both stay on the same page as you explore a potential relationship. Here are a few tips for taking things slow.
- Ask your partner exactly what "taking it slow" means to them and be receptive to their definition and needs; determine whether or not this involves seeing other people or pursuing monogamy
- Have open communication about your feelings and intentions (and bring up whether or not the current pace is working for you)
- Plan a mix of dates, both casual and formal, so you can continue to get to know each other
- Hold off on introducing them to your friends and family until you're sure the relationship will move forward
- Don't become intimate until you are ready; alternatively, do not pressure your partner if they have been honest about their desire to take things slow
- Don't include this person in major decisions (like vacation, holiday, or life-changing plans) until a more secure relationship has been established
- Leave the relationship if their timeline no longer serves yours
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