Elizabeth Postle, author of this website, discusses this common situation.
Sharing the grieving process with someone can lend itself to romantic feelings developing
Friends, family and colleagues often do not want to bring up the topic of your loss in case they upset you and many people find themselves with no-one to talk to about their grief. Having someone close to share the pathways of grief is a huge comfort and support.
Seeing near relatives of our spouses and getting to know them well after a loss is not uncommon. We may already know them fairly well, and the loss brings people even closer together. When that person also had a close relationship with the loved one who died and is also grieving, it makes the journey easier as you have someone who really understands what you are going through. When you do have this support, it is quite common for a close friendship to develop and even lead to romance.
A close relative lost his wife. In the past, the wife’s best friend had always joined them to go to a bridge club. After his wife died, he and the friend both continued to be members of the club. This involved days out and he would give her lifts. The loneliness they had both felt was eased and after a few months their relationship developed romantically and they have now been married for many years. His wife would have been happy to think that they both found love again. A friendship with someone who knew your loved one and who gives you this level of support can develop into a lasting loving bond.
However, Guilt Can Cause Complications
When someone has lost a close companion the loss is tremendous. It takes time to believe the loss has happened. Then there is a feeling of shock and guilt again that they are having romantic feelings for another person.
Guilty feelings usually creep in. There is often shock that you can have deep feelings for someone else when grieving for the loss of a loved one. You never forget the relationship you had, but your life goes on and somehow you must cope.
You Can Love Two People at the Same Time
Sometimes the children or parents of the person who died, get upset and say you can't have loved them as much as they did, but you know how untrue this is. Other relatives of the deceased spouse can sometimes be offended by the new romance and feel their son or daughter, niece or nephew was not loved as they should have been and forgotten too soon.
People are surprised when they fall in love again. Sometimes they are confused, but then realise that it is possible to love two people at the same time and it is possible to move from despair to new feelings of motivation and hope even while still going through the grieving process.
When a parent has children they love them all. The love you had for your lost partner is not diminished because of your new love. It is not a competition and the family may accept the new situation eventually when they adjust and you can all discuss your feelings.
It’s Good to Talk It Through
It’s common to have doubts and feelings that perhaps it is a rebound reaction. There may be anxiety about how real it is and how the family and children will react to this new situation. Life is full of emotional turmoil and especially so after a loss of a loved one.
Despite all this uncertainty many are reluctant to discuss their feelings and this is not a helpful strategy.
Talking to a trusted friend can help but men, in particular, do tend to hide their feelings. It is important to talk to children and family about their emotions too.
Clear the air and focus on what is the best for everyone. With discussions about how the beloved lost one will never be forgotten or replaced, and how this new relationship will not change the love felt for the partner who was lost, these issues can be resolved with tact and compassion.
How Can a New Relationship after Loss Affect Children?
No one ever said life was easy and new relationships during the grieving process especially where there are teenage children can cause emotional problems. Younger children who may have already known the new partner tend to be more accepting. Teenagers are not only going through their own gef and missing the lost parent, but coming to terms with their own maturity and sexuality.
New couples can expect many emotional scenes if there are teens involved. They feel threatened by the new relationship and feel that their parent is being betrayed. The teenage years are difficult. Added to this they are also experiencing the roller coaster of emotions due to grief. Empathy and support is essential. This situation, if handled with care and understanding, will pass with time.
A Story about Marrying a Brother-In-Law
A friend lost her husband and was left with two young daughters. Her brother-in-law had been supportive during her husband’s illness and often took the girls on outings or helped around the house. The family knew how ill he was but it was a long process during which he was cared for at home. Both sets of parents also helped with the care of the children before and after the funeral.
A few months later my friend told me she was shocked to find that she and her brother-in-law had romantic feelings and wanted to get married. At first her parents said that she could not have loved their other son as much as he deserved and they were shocked and upset.
I talked everything through with my friend and, in time, she was able to accept that her husband would have been proud to think that his brother would take on the care of his beautiful daughters and to know that his wife had a chance of happiness again. It is a compliment to the deceased that she wanted to marry again. It had been a short but happy time. Had it not been she would not have wanted to marry again. Her new husband felt honoured that he was able to care for his brother’s children and his wife, although, of course, those feelings were tinged with some guilt for his own happiness and much sadness for his loss.
The little girls had a secure future and the couple were married for many years. All the family went to the wedding and they remained a close knit family. Remember these relationships are very personal and only the couple can know how they feel. They should always go with their own instincts and do what is right for them.
Can a Relationship Based on Grieving Last?
How relationships begin and how long they last is such a complex process but if it begins with couples giving emotional comfort and support to each other during the grieving process then the reality is, it is a good start.
We like to have this support from a partner. Can it last? From meeting many couples over the years who have been in this situation the answer is, yes, it certainly can and does. This situation is more common than many people realise. People know instinctively if the relationship is good and everyone deserves a second chance.
Finding a loving partner is a precious thing and many people are not lucky enough to find this in life. It is a new start and many find feelings of confidence and self esteem again. All life has its problems. A loving couple working together, can overcome the slings and arrows of life's misfortunes better together.
Ways to get help with relationships:
Online Grief Counseling
Related Pages:
Falling in Love While Grieving
A Story of Grief and Re-marriage
- Grief and Sympathy Home
- Relationship Grief
- Fall in love with Dead Partner's Brother or Friend
For Remembrance:
Sales from our pages result in a small commission to us which helps us to continue our work supporting the grieving.
Memorial Jewelry to Honour a Loved One
Check out our lovely range of memorial jewelry for any lost loved one. Pendants, necklaces, rings or bracelets, we have them all in all kinds of styles. Choose for yourself or buy as a sympathy gift.
Click here to see our selection
Create an Online Memorial Website
Honour your loved one with their own memorial website. Share photos, videos, memories and more with your family and friends in a permanent online website. Free for basic plan with no ads.
Keep in touch with us:
Sign up for our newsletter and receive:
"The 10 Most Important Things You Can Do
To Survive Your Grief And Get On With Life"
Our free downloadable and printable document "The 10 Most Important Things You Can Do To Survive Your Grief And Get On With Life" will help you to be positive day to day.
The 10 points are laid out like a poem on two pretty pages which you can pin on your fridge door to help you every day!
All you have to do to receive this free document is fill in your email address below.
You will also receive our newsletter which we send out from time to time with our newest comforting and helpful information. You can unsubscribe any time you like, and don't worry, your email address is totally safe with us.
NEW BONUS - Also receive a copy of our short eBook - '99 Ways to Spot a Great Grief Counselor'. Available for instant download as soon as you sign up. Never waste money on poor counseling again!
Join us on Facebook for articles, support, discussion and more. Click 'Like' below.
If you found this page helpful, please share it.
Would you prefer to share this page with others by linking to it?
- Click on the HTML link code below.
- Copy and paste it, adding a note of your own, into your blog, a Web page, forums, a blog comment,your Facebook account, or anywhere that someone would find this page valuable.
');
As a grief and relationship expert, I have spent extensive time delving into the intricacies of emotional healing after the loss of a loved one. My experience has been enriched by interacting with numerous individuals who have navigated the challenging terrain of grief and, in many cases, found solace and renewed love in unexpected relationships. Through these interactions, I've witnessed the profound impact that shared mourning experiences can have on the development of romantic connections.
Elizabeth Postle's insightful exploration of the dynamics surrounding grief and relationships resonates with the real-life scenarios I've encountered in my work. The central theme revolves around the idea that, when confronted with loss, individuals often seek companionship and understanding in those who share similar emotional journeys. The article beautifully captures the complexity of emotions involved, ranging from the initial stages of grief to the possibility of forming new romantic bonds.
The piece emphasizes the importance of having someone close to share the pathways of grief, highlighting how such support can become a tremendous comfort. The narrative illustrates instances where relationships with friends, family, or colleagues who knew the departed loved one deepen after a loss. This deepening connection can lead to the development of close friendships and, in some cases, even evolve into romantic relationships.
One crucial aspect the article touches upon is the presence of guilt in the grieving process, particularly when romantic feelings start to emerge. This resonates with the psychological challenges individuals may face when grappling with the conflicting emotions of mourning a loss while also opening up to the possibility of new love. The exploration of guilt as a potential complication adds a layer of authenticity to the narrative.
The idea that one can love two people simultaneously is a powerful concept discussed in the article. It dispels the misconception that finding new love diminishes the love for the deceased partner. This insight reflects a nuanced understanding of human emotions and challenges societal norms that may perceive such relationships as competing or inappropriate.
The article delves into the impact of new relationships on children, particularly teenagers, during the grieving process. It acknowledges the emotional challenges teens may face, expressing feelings of betrayal and threat to the memory of the lost parent. The emphasis on empathy and support for both the grieving individual and their children demonstrates a well-rounded understanding of the family dynamics involved.
Anecdotal stories shared in the article, such as the one about a friend marrying her brother-in-law, add a personal touch and showcase the unique and often unexpected ways in which relationships can develop after loss. These stories help humanize the experiences discussed, making them relatable to readers who may be navigating similar situations.
In conclusion, the article provides valuable insights into the nuanced nature of relationships formed during the grieving process. It encourages open communication, understanding, and empathy, offering a compassionate perspective on the possibility of finding love and support after the profound loss of a loved one.
