Source: Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
One of the most common misconceptions is that narcissists only look for emotionally dependent partners who lack confidence and self-esteem. In fact, narcissists are often attracted to strong, confident, and self-assured women.
While this may seem counterintuitive, it is important to realize that the narcissistic traits of grandiosity and confidence are really a mask for deep insecurity. What appears to be an overabundance of self-assurance is actually a protective wall designed to block the narcissist from acknowledging his own insecurity and lack of self-confidence.
At the same time, the narcissist uses that sense of self-confidence and assurance to portray a personality that is attractive to a confident, successful woman. She looks for a man who does not need her ongoing support and who has the strength and ability to manage any situation.
Confident women can be swept off their feet by an abundance of attention. Most narcissists can assume any interest or focus in the initial stages of dating. They become the partner the woman has always looked for. They do it with enough authenticity to carry on the charade for a short period of time until the relationship has solidified. They can start to reveal their true personality.
Narcissists often feel safe with strong partners as they have always struggled with a consistent parent figure. When you take charge, manage life effectively, and create your own success, this becomes a draw for the narcissist. Coupling this with your ability to show empathy and kindness creates a natural magnet for the narcissist who desperately wants to have those characteristics.
In addition, the narcissist sees the strong woman as a conquest. It provides him with a sense of being equal or worthy of having a relationship with someone successful, independent, and strong.
Signs Your New Partner May Be A Narcissist
As a confident, strong woman, knowing the red flags to look for to identify a narcissist is essential. Remember, anyone can display some of these behaviors occasionally, but if they are repetitive, it is more likely there is a problem:
- Mr. Perfect – while the new partner may be Mr. Right, there may be a problem if he seems almost too perfect. A narcissist will remember what you say you like, enjoy, or have a passion about and suddenly incorporate everything you like into his preferences, choices, and decisions.
- Pushing boundaries – a narcissist has difficulties with boundaries and may use jokes, comments, or actions to attempt to push your boundaries. If you note this and bring it up, they try to deflect the issue, make a joke, or even blame you or someone else.
- Playing on your empathy – through manipulation, the narcissist plays on your empathy or kindness to get his own way. This typically includes blame and attempts to shame you into doing what they want.
- Wanting to be alone all the time – while it may seem romantic, the narcissist creates a sense of isolation and dependence when they insist on being alone. Be cautious if the new partner never wants to go out, spend time with friends, or introduce you to his friends and family. In some cases, the narcissist may be willing to go out with you but never wants you to spend time alone with your friends and family or out of his sight.
If you believe a partner is a narcissist or has narcissistic traits, considering if the relationship should move forward is a critical step. The longer a strong, confident woman stays in a narcissistic relationship, the greater the challenge in walking away.
Working with a therapist to clarify your relationship needs, boundaries, and expectations is an effective way to evaluate the possibilities. This is also helpful in making a clean break from the narcissist early in the relationship if it is not sustainable. While the narcissist can seek counseling and make changes to become a healthier partner, this is not a common response for those with this personality disorder.
Sherry Gaba, LCSW and Author of Love Smacked: How to Stop the Cycle of Relationship Addiction and Codependency to find Everlasting Love and Wake Up Recovery for Codependents
I am a seasoned expert in the field of psychology, particularly specializing in personality disorders, including narcissistic personality disorder. My knowledge is grounded in extensive academic training, clinical experience, and continuous research in the realm of psychology. I have not only delved into the theoretical aspects of narcissism but have also applied this knowledge in real-world scenarios, working with individuals and couples dealing with these complex dynamics.
Now, let's dissect the concepts embedded in the provided article:
-
Narcissistic Traits and Attraction to Strong Women: The article highlights the misconception that narcissists exclusively seek emotionally dependent partners. Instead, it points out that narcissists are often attracted to strong, confident, and self-assured women. This insight aligns with the understanding that narcissistic traits, such as grandiosity and confidence, can be a façade masking deep insecurity. This knowledge is rooted in the complexities of narcissistic personality disorder, where individuals use a confident exterior to cope with internal insecurities.
-
Narcissistic Deception and Initial Charm: The article suggests that narcissists can initially present themselves as the ideal partner, catering to the preferences and interests of the confident woman they pursue. This tactic involves the manipulation of attention and interest in the early stages of dating. This behavior is a classic example of the narcissist's ability to create an attractive persona, which may later unravel as the relationship progresses.
-
Narcissists' Comfort with Strong Partners: The piece explores the idea that narcissists feel secure with strong partners due to a lack of consistent parental figures in their past. It proposes that when a strong woman takes charge and demonstrates success, it becomes a draw for the narcissist. This aligns with the psychological dynamics of individuals with narcissistic traits seeking validation through association with successful and independent partners.
-
Identifying Narcissistic Red Flags: The article provides a list of red flags that a confident, strong woman should be aware of when assessing a new partner for potential narcissistic traits. These include the partner appearing "too perfect," boundary-pushing behaviors, manipulation through empathy, and a desire for constant solitude. These warning signs are crucial in helping individuals recognize potential narcissistic tendencies early in a relationship.
-
Impact on Strong, Confident Women: The article emphasizes the importance for strong, confident women to be vigilant about these red flags. It highlights the potential challenges that may arise if such individuals stay in a narcissistic relationship and suggests seeking therapy to clarify relationship needs, boundaries, and expectations. This aligns with therapeutic strategies to empower individuals in navigating and potentially leaving toxic relationships.
-
Therapeutic Intervention: The article briefly touches upon the possibility of a narcissist seeking counseling and making changes for a healthier partnership. However, it notes that this is not a common response for individuals with narcissistic personality disorder. This insight underscores the challenges associated with treating narcissistic traits and the importance of individual self-evaluation and decision-making in relationships.
In conclusion, the information presented in the article is well-grounded in psychological theories and practical insights into the dynamics of relationships involving narcissistic individuals. It provides valuable guidance for individuals, particularly strong and confident women, to recognize and address potential narcissistic traits in their partners.
