10 Dating Tips for Widows and Widowers (2024)

I'm including this section of the book specifically for any widowers who might be reading it. Dating again after the death of a spouse can be an awkward experience. It can bring out feelings of guilt or betrayal in the widow or widower. It can also bring out feelings of confusion and concern from friends, family, and those who were close to the deceased spouse.

For those who have lost a spouse and are looking to date again, here are ten tips to help you successfully navigate the dating waters.

There's no specific time period one should wait before dating again. Grieving and the process of moving on is something that's unique to each person. Some people take years, others weeks, and then there are those who choose never to date again. Whatever you do, don't let others tell you you're moving too fast or waiting too long. Make sure it's something you're really ready to try before taking that step.

I started dating five months after my late wife died. Too soon? There were some friends and family who thought so. But five months was when I felt ready to at least test the dating waters. And though it took a few dates to get the hang of things, I have no regrets about dating that soon.

If you feel like dating again, take some time to understand why you have this desire. It's not wrong to date because you're lonely or want company. Single people date for those reasons too. However, if you're dating because you think it's going to somehow fill the void or heal the pain that comes from losing a spouse, it's not going to happen. Dating does give you the opportunity to open your heart to another person and the chance to experience the unique and exquisite joy that comes with falling in love again.

The first time I went to dinner with another woman, I felt like I was cheating on my late wife. As we entered the restaurant, I was filled with feelings of guilt and betrayal. Throughout our entire date, I kept looking around to see if there was anyone I knew in the restaurant. I thought that if someone saw me out with another woman, the first thing they'd do was run and tell my dead wife what I was up to. It sounds silly, but I couldn't shake that feeling the entire evening. A week later, I went out with someone else. The same feelings of guilt were there, only they were less intense. It took about five dates before the feeling went away entirely and I could actually enjoy the company of a woman without feeling guilty.

As you date, feelings of guilt should subside over time—especially when you find that special someone. If the guilt's not subsiding, you might not be ready to date again. Give dating a break and try it again when you might be more up to the task.

Unless you're dating someone you knew previously, and they are already familiar with your late spouse, he or she is naturally going to be curious about your previous marriage. It's okay to talk about the spouse when you're first dating someone. Answer questions he or she may have about your marriage, but don't spend all your time talking about the dead or how happy you were. After all, your date is the one who's here now. And who knows—she might make you incredibly happy for years to come. Constantly talking about the past may make it seem like you're not ready to move on and start a new relationship. Showing a genuine interest in your date and getting to know her wants, interests, and dreams goes a long way you're ready to start a new life with someone else.

Would you like going out with someone who constantly talks about issues she's having in her life? Dating isn't a therapy session—it's an opportunity to spend time with someone else and enjoy their company. If you find yourself dating just to talk about the pain in your heart, how much you miss your spouse, or tough times you're going though, seek professional help. Spending $60 an hour on professional help will do you much more good than spending the same amount of money for dinner and a movie. Besides, your date will have a more memorable night if it's about him or her rather than about everything you're going through.

When I started dating again, it had been seven years since I had gone out with anyone other than my wife. Because I had a certain comfort level with her, I often found myself forgetting proper dating etiquette, such as opening the car door or walking a date to her door when the date was over.

If you find yourself forgetting simple dating etiquette, don't worry about it. Most dates will understand if they know it has been awhile since you dated. But don't make the same mistakes over and over. Learn from them and continue moving forward. You'll be surprised how fast your dating legs return.

When your family and friends learn you're dating again, they may not treat this new person in your life very well. The mistreatment may come in the form of a cold shoulder at family activities or constantly talking about the deceased wife in front of the date. If you have family and friends who are doing this, they need to be told privately, but in a loving manner, that this behavior is not acceptable. If you wouldn't let family or friends treat your spouse that way, why would you tolerate that behavior toward someone else—especially when your date could become your future spouse? Don't be afraid to defend your date. If you can't do that, then you have no business dating again.

There will always be someone who will not understand why you've chosen to date again. They may give you a hard time or have some silly notion that widows and widowers shouldn't fall in love again. Their opinions do not matter. All that matters is that you're ready to date again. You don't need to justify your actions to them or anyone else.

The death of a spouse means losing intimate physical contact. After a while, we miss the kisses, having someone's head resting on our shoulder, or the warm body next to us in bed. This lack of physical and emotional intimacy is enough to drive a lot of people into the dating scene. Don't feel bad if you find yourself missing these things. It's completely normal.

In the dating world, wanting something that was part of our lives for years can become a ticking time bomb. It can force us into a serious relationship before we're ready. The result: a lot of broken hearts and emotional baggage.

If you're on a date and it's going well, don't be afraid to take things slow. This isn't always easy. Sometimes it's hard not to throw ourselves at our date because we want to be close to someone again. We want that warm body next to ours and to have the words "I love you" whispered in our ears. But it can save you and your date a lot of emotional heartache if you wait to make sure what you're doing is because you love the other person, and not because you miss the intimacy that came with your late husband or wife.

It's a basic dating rule, but it's often forgotten by widows and widowers. Because we already had someone special in our lives, it's easy to forget to make our date feel special too. Treat your date in such a way that he or she feels like she's with a man who's ready to move on. She shouldn't have to compete against a ghost—even if you only have one date with that person. As long you're out together, she should feel special.

Even though dating can be awkward and difficult at times, it can also be a lot of fun. There's no reason being a widower should hold you back from enjoying a night out. Part of the reason we're here is to live and enjoy life. And dating is a great way to start living again.

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If you enjoyed this article, you might enjoy one of the books below.

10 Dating Tips for Widows and Widowers (2024)

FAQs

10 Dating Tips for Widows and Widowers? ›

One major warning sign is if the widower is still grieving intensely or not ready to move on from their previous relationship. Another red flag is if they constantly compare you to their late spouse or refuse to let go of their belongings.

What are the red flags for dating a widow? ›

One major warning sign is if the widower is still grieving intensely or not ready to move on from their previous relationship. Another red flag is if they constantly compare you to their late spouse or refuse to let go of their belongings.

What do widows struggle with? ›

The feel of Loneliness

Losing someone creates a gap of them in our lives. Similarly losing her spouse puts the widow into a position of loneliness. Even if the widow is always surrounded by the most loving and supportive people (friends & family) there'd still be times when she'd go through a mental state of isolation.

How long should a person wait to date after their spouse dies? ›

There is no "right or wrong" about when you'll be ready. Many people are ready months after the death of their partner, and for others, it takes years. The most important thing is that you have this conversation with yourself, and aren't trying to satisfy someone else's idea of when you're ready (or not).

What to expect when dating a widow? ›

Dating a widow or widower may take patience, a willingness to embrace the spouse who has died, and a commitment to step gingerly when it comes to introductions to friends and family. And it's not right for everyone. The result, though, can be a positive, successful bond.

What makes a widow happy? ›

Spending time with friends and family or taking on a new, enjoyable hobby may bring happiness to a widow during Stage 3. She'll want to budget accordingly, taking into consideration some increased costs for these activities.

What is widow fire? ›

Widow's fire describes the (sometimes) uncontrollable and all-consuming desire for sex following bereavement.

What does the Bible say about widows? ›

The Defender of Widows

Fundamentally, God is the kind of God who keeps a careful eye on the widow. He is profoundly concerned for her, together with the stranger and the fatherless. He is righteous and protects them for he is “a father of the fatherless, a defender of widows . . . in his holy habitation,” (Psalm 68:5).

Do you still wear your wedding ring when widowed? ›

There is no rule that says you cannot wear your wedding ring after your spouse is deceased. If you feel more comfortable wearing it, then wear it. However, you may want to consider taking it off to fully move on with life. Your ring may serve as a reminder of your husband and your relationship.

How do you know when a widow is ready to date? ›

3 Signs that confirm a widow/ widower is ready to date again
  • They have stopped living in the past. The clear sign: They are ready to open their hearts and won't let old memories/ shrines come between you and them. ...
  • They pursue you consistently. ...
  • They can see a future with you.
Oct 18, 2021

Can you fall in love while grieving? ›

People are surprised when they fall in love again. Sometimes they are confused, but then realise that it is possible to love two people at the same time and it is possible to move from despair to new feelings of motivation and hope even while still going through the grieving process.

How soon do most widowers remarry? ›

On average, many people wait at least two years before considering remarriage. However, it is essential to remember that there is no set timeline, and you should only consider remarrying when you feel emotionally and mentally prepared. In conclusion, remarrying after losing a spouse is a deeply personal decision.

How do you show love to a widow? ›

  1. Be curious. One of the best gifts you can give a widow or widower is to ask questions about their loved one, and to listen to their stories about him or her. ...
  2. Be gentle. Losing a partner is traumatic. ...
  3. Be supportive. The wounds of loss do not heal overnight. ...
  4. Be understanding. ...
  5. Be grateful. ...
  6. Be confident.
May 28, 2019

What not to tell a widow? ›

Comments Aren't Meant To Be Hurtful, But They Can Be
  • “God Must Have Needed a ___ In Heaven”
  • “I Know How You Feel—My Mom Died”
  • “Time Heals All Wounds”
  • “That's What He Would Have Wanted”
  • "Ask for Comfort for Your Grief"
  • “I Don't Know How You're Doing It—You're So Strong”
  • “You're Young, You'll Find Love Again”
Feb 12, 2020

How do widows cope with loneliness? ›

One of the first steps in combating loneliness is being around others who share some of the same interests as you. Try your best to pull yourself out of your grief enough to volunteer a weekend or two each month at a local charity or food bank to help those in need.

Why do widows move on so quickly? ›

It's true that some widowed people do move on too fast, because they're in denial and don't want to face pain; such relationships often bear a cost. Still, even for those not in denial, finding a connection remains a huge human urge.

How long do most widows grieve? ›

The standard grieving period can last anywhere from six to twelve months for it to cycle through. This applies to most cases of ordinary grief, with no additional complications coming into play.

How long is a widow supposed to mourn? ›

Grief fades within 6 months for many widows.

How long does widow brain last? ›

Widow Brain lasts anywhere from two months to a full year; however, there is no concrete timeline on how long the actual grief will last. Instead, people typically report the symptoms of Widow Brain improving in this time with the sense of loss remaining.

What are the three types of widow? ›

Brown widow: light-brown body with orange-red marking on the underside of the abdomen, and banding on legs. Western black widow: black body with red hourglass mark on the underside of abdomen. Red widow: black body with distinctive bright red legs and orange-red half-moon marking on the underside of abdomen.

How long should you wait to date a widow? ›

If you need to make important decisions, you should wait for at least one to two years following such a significant loss. This will give you sufficient time to process the death, go through the stages of grief, and regain some of your diminished cognitive capacities.

What does God say about caring for widows? ›

You probably know it. James 1:27. “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

What does the Bible say about grieving widows? ›

The Lord watches over the foreigner and sustains the fatherless and the widow. He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. My comfort in my suffering is this; Your promise preserves my life. Sustain me, my God, according to your promise, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed.

What is the average age of a widow in the United States? ›

There are 11.8 million widows in the U.S. and approximately 2,800 new widows are joining these ranks every day. The average age of widowhood in the U.S. is 59, according to a frequently cited figure attributed to the U.S. Census Bureau. And if COVID-19 continues, the ranks of younger widows could climb.

What Psalm is for widows? ›

Psalm 68:5

This verse says God is a “defender of widows in His holy habitation.” In other words, even from heaven, the holiest place in the universe, God looks down and takes heed of widows. He makes defending them a priority. In ancient Israel, widows were not highly favored.

What percentage of widows remarry? ›

About 2% of widows and 20% of widowers get remarried (Smith, Zick, & Duncan, 1991).

Who should a widow marry in the Bible? ›

If brothers are living together and one of them dies without a son, his widow must not marry outside the family. Her husband's brother shall take her and marry her and fulfill the duty of a brother-in-law to her.

What do widows do with their engagement rings? ›

This is pretty common. Some widows move the ring to their right hand indefinitely. Others move it to their right hand as a transition and then ultimately take it off entirely. Wear it as a necklace.

What is a widow's ring? ›

This ring is worn by widows on their ring finger and can be worn on the right hand on any finger to remember mothers and fathers or any one else. Widows are thankful for the relief they feel when wearing this ring. Many have said, "It feels right." Check it out.

What does it mean when a woman wears her wedding ring on her right hand? ›

If a husband gives his wife a right-hand ring, it symbolizes a renewal of wedding vows or anniversaries. They may also serve as promise rings for dedicated partners or those taking a vow of chastity.

When a widower talks about his late wife? ›

Yes, it's normal for widowers to talk about the late wife and their life together. This need to talk about the late wife and their past life together often helps make the transition from the old to new life.

How do you know if you are a second option? ›

Signs you are a second choice in a relationship
  1. They cancel plans often. ...
  2. They make excuses. ...
  3. They show up late for you. ...
  4. They hide you from their friends. ...
  5. They forget important information about you. ...
  6. They don't call or return calls often.
Dec 16, 2022

What are the stages of losing someone you love? ›

The five stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling.

Can a widower truly love again? ›

They will always love their spouse.

That doesn't mean, however, that a widower will love someone new any less. “Yes, we can love deeply again. Very deeply,” Polo says.

Is it wrong to break up with someone while they re grieving? ›

Safeguarding your partner's feelings and shouldering their burden of grief isn't your responsibility. Break up with them if you want to and are ready to leave them. You don't need any reason to leave someone if that's what you want to do. You don't owe anyone a reason for leaving.

Why is the second year of widowhood harder than the first? ›

Often the second year is the hardest as that's when the real grief work might begin. This is the time when you may be ready to face your grief head on and deal with any issues that are holding you back. If you're not ready yet though, don't feel guilty. There is no deadline and everyone grieves in their own time.

How many 60 year old widows remarry? ›

35 to 44 years – 57% will remarry. 45 to 54 years – 63% will remarry. 55 to 64 years – 67% will remarry. 65 years and older – 50% will remarry.

What percentage of widows over 65 remarry? ›

Remarriage probabilities decrease faster for widows than widowers. Less than one-fourth of men widowed after age 65 ever remarry. Less than 5% of women widowed after age 55 ever remarry.

What does a widower want? ›

What they're looking for is companionship. Widowers who seek companionship want a woman to do one thing: fill the gaping hole in their hearts. They believe that by having someone—anyone—in their life, their hearts will be healed and the empty feeling that consumes them will vanish.

How do you tempt a widow? ›

Show her that you're listening by making eye contact and nodding encouragingly. Keep your ears and mind open. Don't be afraid to try and learn more about your significant other's deceased partner. Try to learn more about what kind of person they were and the life they shared with your partner.

Can I find love at 70? ›

Whether you're 35 or 75, it's never too late to fall madly (or gently and even sacredly) in love. Just ask actress Ellen Burstyn and a host of other women who found themselves in the heat of romance when they least expected it. My mother met the love of her life when she was 84.

What is the first thing a widow should do? ›

Step 1: Take Care of Immediate Things

In addition to managing your grief, you will have to handle certain affairs immediately. Notifying family members, loved ones and family advisers will likely be one of the first things you must do. Decisions about organ donation and funeral arrangements will be the hardest.

What to do after husband dies? ›

Checklist for Handling the Death of a Spouse
  1. Get Organized and Take Inventory.
  2. Get the Will and Estate Plan.
  3. Get Multiple Death Certificates.
  4. Contact Your Legal and Financial Professional Advisors.
  5. Review Your Bills and Payment Schedule.
  6. Assess How Your Income and Expenses Will Change.
  7. Avoid Making Major Decisions.

What are the three stages of a widow? ›

They will know that everyone must: 1) absorb the shock of the change they are faced with; 2) Page 2 move out of numbness; and 3) emerge as their new self, in their own time and in their own way.

How do you know when a widow is not ready to date? ›

The widow/widower is not ready to date if they are enshrining possessions of their late love, if they want to hide the new partner from view of extended family or if more than three key times are memorialized each year about the deceased spouse.

How long to date a widow? ›

If you need to make important decisions, you should wait for at least one to two years following such a significant loss. This will give you sufficient time to process the death, go through the stages of grief, and regain some of your diminished cognitive capacities. You might consider therapy or counseling.

How soon do most widows remarry? ›

Studies show that it takes an average of 25 months for a widow or widower to consider remarriage, but this timeline can vary greatly depending on the individual.

Do you wear your wedding ring after your spouse dies? ›

There is no rule that says you cannot wear your wedding ring after your spouse is deceased. If you feel more comfortable wearing it, then wear it. However, you may want to consider taking it off to fully move on with life. Your ring may serve as a reminder of your husband and your relationship.

How long does widow grief last? ›

It usually takes one to two years for you to regain your normal levels of thinking following the death of your spouse.

How do you win the heart of a widow? ›

Tips for Dating Someone Whose Spouse Died
  1. Have patience. One of the hardest things for you to deal with as your relationship grows is the emotional ups and downs that your partner may be experiencing. ...
  2. Be open to love. ...
  3. Have emotional understanding. ...
  4. Realize they carry the weight of their loss. ...
  5. Know there's room for you.
Jun 8, 2022

How do you flirt with a widow? ›

Show her that you're listening by making eye contact and nodding encouragingly. Keep your ears and mind open. Don't be afraid to try and learn more about your significant other's deceased partner. Try to learn more about what kind of person they were and the life they shared with your partner.

Should you date while grieving? ›

It's up to you. The most important thing to remember is that you are under no obligation to tell anyone you're dating about your grief until you're ready. If you have a first date and it's not going so well, then you probably won't have the urge to share something personal and emotional.

How do you know if a widower is ready to make a room in his heart for you? ›

5 Signs a Widower Is Serious About Your Relationship
  1. He has no problem introducing you to his family, friends, and social circle. ...
  2. He won't pressure you to jump into bed with him. ...
  3. He's willing to talk about where the relationship is headed. ...
  4. He won't let his grief get in the way. ...
  5. His actions back up his words.
Jan 25, 2009

Are widows more likely to remarry than widowers? ›

One of the statistics Keogh cites is how within two years of becoming a widower, 61% of widowed men find themselves in a serious relationship or had remarried compared to only 19% of widows. Keogh writes, “widowers are eight times more likely to remarry over their lifetimes vs. widows.” Remarkable!

How long should a widower wear wedding ring? ›

There is no right or wrong decision in this matter.” Continue wearing the ring. Many widows/widowers continue to wear their wedding ring until they feel ready to take it off. Some will continue to wear it forever.

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