Dating in the modern world can be really hard. You're not alone if you've been finding it difficult to tell who's just in it for the hookups and who's actually out there searching for a real relationship.
It's easy to hide your true intentions in order to protect yourself from getting hurt. Because there's nothing worse than being the one who cares too much, right?
But as much as people want to hide their true intentions, there are things that they all do to show us whether they're truly looking for a long term relationship or if they're just looking for a casual hookup.
They Just Want To Hookup
If they're more touchy-feely with you.
This isn't a huge sign that they're only in it for the hookup, but it can definitely be a clue. Some people are much more touchy-feely when they're trying to hook up with someone because that's the easiest way to show your interest and make physical contact to see if attraction is there.
If they don't introduce you to their friends and family.
This is a pretty clear one. Everyone knows that friendship and family are two of the most important things in every person's life so if you're truly special to someone, they'll want the people closest to them to know you. So if they never invite you out for drinks with their buddies or don't invite you to the family holiday party, it's a pretty clear sign they're not looking for a serious thing with you.
If they don't show that they're with you on social media.
So you two go out to a cute restaurant and you post a picture of them and the food on your Insta story but they only post a picture of the food? Yeah, they're probably doing that on purpose. They don't want everyone on their social media to know about you because they know it's not a long-term thing.
They tell you they'renot looking for anything serious.
This may seem like a pretty obvious one for most people. If they tell you they don't want a serious relationship then they obviously don't, right? Try not to think that you can convince them or that they'll eventually want a relationship because if they were straight up with you, chances are they won't change their mind.
They Want A Long-Term Relationship
If they act super polite when you're together.
This could be anything from holding the door open for you, buying you a drink at the bar, and holding your hand in public. It's usually the simple, little things that make the biggest statement that they truly care so it's always a good idea to pay attention to actions over words.
If they make plans with you for the future.
If they make plans with you more than a week or two in advance you know they're thinking about a future with you. For example, if they buy tickets to a concert in 3 months time for both of you, they definitely expect you two to be together then.
If you're active on each other's social media.
If you post photos of the two of you together on all your social media accounts and they do the same, then you know you've got a serious thing going. Being active on social media together is basically the same as having 'the talk' in today's world.
If they tell you how much they like you.
Another one that should be pretty obvious, but sometimes isn't. If your bae tells you they actually like you and really enjoy spending tons of time with you, you should know that they're serious. It isn't always easy for guys to open up and really fall for someone so if they're saying they like you then they really do mean it.
They Just Want To Hookup
If they don't try to get to know you at all.
If they aren't expressing any kind of interest in you, then they probably are only interested in hooking up. If they don't ask about your childhood, your biggest fears and your hopes and dreams then chances are they don't care about any of that and are only interested in sexual chemistry.
If they don't initiate the conversation often.
If they aren't initiating the conversation very often, chances are they're trying to keep you a good amount of distance from you. They don't want anything serious so they're trying not to show too much interest, just enough that you know they're interested in hooking up.
If they try to keep the conversation sexual.
You obviously can't always keep the conversation sexual — that's basically impossible. But if you're talking about your day and suddenly they're trying to steer the conversation to the bedroom, then you know what's mostly on their mind when you two are hanging out.
If they only compliment you on your appearance.
You really can't go wrong with giving compliments to someone. But when the topic of these compliments is always how hot you look and how amazing your butt looks in your jeans, you probably know that they're only interested in your body. If they were interested in more than hooking up they would compliment your personality more than your body.
They Want A Long-Term Relationship
If they get to know you on a deeper level.
If they make an effort to get to know you on a deeper level by asking really personal questions, it's a good sign that they really do want something more than just a hookup. They're trying to get to know you as a person and find some common interests.
If they talk about their goals and dreams for the future with you.
A person that truly wants a serious relationship with you will feel comfortable talking about their goals and dreams for the future and they'll encourage you to do the same. This way they can let you know what they hope for their future and to see if you could possibly fit into this future as well.
If you can talk about your past relationships.
Usually, if things aren't serious there's no reason to discuss past relationships and why they didn't work out. Talking about previous relationships can bring up a lot of unpleasant feelings so most people will try to avoid that at all costs. But when you're looking to get serious with someone that conversation will come up eventually. If you can talk openly about it then you know you're on the right track.
If they express their feelings openly with you.
When a potential match can let their guard down and talk about their feelings with you, whether it's their feelings toward you or their own life, then you've got something good going on. This is a sign of trust in your relationship.
They Just Want To Hookup
If they only text you at night.
This probably isn't the only time someone will text when they only want to hookup, but it is probably the majority of the time. If they're only asking you what you're up to at night, they're probably only thinking of you during the night hours.
If they only text you to make plans.
If the only reason they text you is to make plans to meet up to know when you're on your way, chances are it's because they only want to hookup. They're not interested in chatting over text.
If they don't want to text you all day about nothing.
This one goes with the point above, they only text you to make plans because they don't want to spend all day on their phone having an aimless conversation with you. The purpose of texting you isn't to know what you had for lunch or who you're hanging out with this afternoon, it's just when you're getting down to business next.
They're still active on all the dating apps.
If you're hanging out together and they're swiping on Tinder or Bumble, chances are they only see you as a casual partner, not a committed one.
They Want A Long-Term Relationship
If they send you good morning and goodnight texts.
This is an obvious one when it comes to texting. If the guy your seeing is thoughtful enough to send you a good morning text and a goodnight text every day it's a clear sign that they really like you. This means they're thinking of you when they wake up and when they go to sleep at night.
If they never ignore your texts, even if they'rebusy.
People can get busy, that's just how life works. But it's not hard for someone to take 5 seconds out of their day to reply to your text. So if they can do this even when they're swamped with work then that's them showing that they care.
They tell you about the negatives in their life, not just the positives.
When someone really lets their guard down and tells you about their bad day, negative experiences, or flaws, that's how you can be sure they really want you to know them.
If you talk on the phone on the nights you can't see each other.
So you haven't been able to see each other for a few days because life has been busy but you miss the sound of their voice. If you're both able to talk on the phone and catch up on everything that's been going on, you've got a good, long-term thing going on.
They Just Want To Hookup
If they want to hookup right away.
If they're just interested in sleeping with you, they're going to want to get down to business as fast as possible. They probably won't expect you to want to hookup on the first date but definitely the second. It will be clear they're not down to wait very long to get with you.
If there's not a lot of foreplay involved.
This obviously isn't the case with every hookup, but generally, if a guy just wants to get you in bed they won't want to go slowly. They don't care to put a lot of effort into pleasing you in bed as much as they're focused on themselves.
They openly flirt with other people.
If you're hanging out with bae and they start complimenting someone else in front you, it's a pretty clear sign they're not invested in being exclusive with you.
If they leave before the sun rises or asks you to.
Generally, if you're just hooking up with someone there are no sleepovers involved. You don't want to spend your night cuddling and talking until the sun rises so they'll get out of there as soon as you're finished. But if you went to their place they'll probably hint that you should leave pretty soon after.
They Want A Long-Term Relationship
If they'renot eager to move too quickly.
This isn't true of all potential partners — some want to sleep with someone before they even know whether or not they want a real relationship. But it can be a good sign if they aren't eager to get into the bedroom with you and want to take their time to get to know you first.
If they take thetime to make sure you enjoy yourself too.
When they take their time to make sure you're enjoying yourself as much as they are, then you know they care enough to be thoughtful.
If they don't cancel plans with you often.
When a potential partner is always cancelling on you, it's a pretty big red flag that they aren't committed. But if bae enjoys hanging out with you above everything else, you probably won't have to cancel dates very often.
If they stay over after to cuddle all night.
Cuddling releases all kinds of good endorphins to make you feel happy just as much as sex does. So when they're willing to stay over and cuddle with you all night long it shows that they want to be more intimate with you than just having a meaningless hookup.
They Just Want To Hookup
If you barely ever go out together.
If they're just in it for the hookup they'll barely ever ask you to go out on a date in public with them. They're not interested in wooing you through a cute and romantic night out — they're only interested in charming you into bed.
If they only suggest dates at their place.
The classic 'Netflix and Chill' date will definitely be suggested if they're just interested in hooking up with you.
If they text you last minute to hang out.
If they're just in it for the hookup, they're probably not interested in planning elaborate dates with you. They'll text you that afternoon to hang out in a few hours or they'll send you that midnight 'you up?' text.
If they only want to see you in the evenings.
If they don't want to stay over at night and they don't want to plan your dates, chances are they won't be interested in seeing anytime before 5 p.m.
They Want A Long-Term Relationship
If you go on real romantic dates together.
This shows they don't just want to impress you in the bedroom. They're putting effort into taking you out on fun and romantic dates so that they can win over your heart and mind first.
If they show some PDA when you're out together.
It doesn't have to be a steamy make-out session at the end of your fancy dinner — it can be as simple and sweet as holding your hand as they walk you home, kissing your cheek or giving you long hugs. Anything that shows that you and they are together when you're out in public.
If they ask you out for dates any time of day.
If you spent the night together they'll make sure to take you out for breakfast in the morning or they'll ask you out for a lunch date on the weekends. It isn't all about getting you into bed at night, it's about spending time with you that matters.
If they ask you out to meet their friends and family.
This is an important step in every real relationship. If they care enough about you to introduce you to the people that are most important in their life, then you know it's real.
As an expert in the field of dating and relationships, it's clear that the article you've provided covers a range of signs that can help individuals navigate the complexities of modern dating. The observations and advice presented are rooted in a solid understanding of human behavior and the dynamics of romantic interactions. Let me break down the key concepts and offer insights based on my expertise:
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Touchy-Feely Behavior:
- Hookup: More touchy-feely behavior is often a sign of physical interest and attraction, a common approach when seeking a casual hookup.
- Long-Term Relationship: Acts of politeness and consideration, such as holding the door or holding hands in public, signify a deeper emotional connection.
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Social Media Engagement:
- Hookup: Avoiding social media acknowledgment, not introducing you to friends and family, and keeping the relationship private may indicate a lack of commitment.
- Long-Term Relationship: Being active on each other's social media, expressing feelings openly, and making future plans together are positive indicators of a serious commitment.
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Verbal Communication:
- Hookup: Explicitly stating that they're not looking for anything serious is a straightforward sign of their intentions.
- Long-Term Relationship: Expressing genuine feelings, making future plans, and discussing personal goals and dreams are indications of a desire for a lasting connection.
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Texting Habits:
- Hookup: Late-night texts, making plans without engaging in extended conversations, and keeping discussions primarily focused on making plans hint at a more casual interest.
- Long-Term Relationship: Thoughtful texts, consistent communication throughout the day, and sharing both positive and negative aspects of life demonstrate a deeper emotional investment.
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Initiating Physical Intimacy:
- Hookup: A quick progression to physical intimacy without much foreplay may suggest a focus on immediate gratification.
- Long-Term Relationship: Taking time to build intimacy and ensuring mutual enjoyment in the bedroom signifies a more thoughtful and considerate approach.
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Time Spent Together:
- Hookup: Limited public outings, suggesting Netflix and Chill, last-minute plans, and a reluctance to spend the night together might indicate a more casual interest.
- Long-Term Relationship: Planning real romantic dates, including public displays of affection, and integrating each other into various aspects of life demonstrate a commitment to a meaningful connection.
In conclusion, understanding these nuanced behaviors can empower individuals to make informed decisions about their relationships. While no set of signs can guarantee outcomes, the thoughtful analysis presented in the article aligns with established patterns of behavior in both casual and committed relationships.
