It’s hard to write when you have so much to say, and yet you can’t figure out which subject to stay on. It’s especially hard to write when that subject is about the thing that you’re trying not to do but are failing spectacularly well at it. You see, this blog was originally meant as just a sounding stage for my thoughts, writings, musings, what have you, and yet the two posts that I’ve gotten the most attention from are the two posts that are at the heart of my problems. Like so many American’s today, we are a family of 4 and we are in debt. If you don’t count our mortgage, we’re currently sitting way above median household debt₁ for 2018. And when I say way above, I’m talking like 5 stories above the median mark… So yeah, it’s a bit hard to sit down and write about what we’re going through.
It’s also hard to sit down and write about debt when you’re still racking it up like it’s nothing but a thing, and when your partner isn’t quite as into paying down all this debt as you are, it can make you feel like Sisyphus. Like paying off that debt is the rock that keeps rolling back down the hill as soon as you’re about to reach the top, just to have to start all over again (and if you’re not up to speed on your Greek Mythology, here’s a link₂ to explain who Sisyphus was, and what he did. He’s a very interesting guy, so go read up on him. It might make you feel a bit better about the things you’re going through – that is to say, at least you’re not having to roll a rock up a hill over and over again for the rest of eternity… Not to say that your problems don’t matter, because they absolutely do, but his story might help you find the strength to keep going…). That’s how it’s felt like for me these past few months. Like every time I start to feel like there might be a tiny sliver of light at the end of this money tunnel, something happens, or some appliance stops working (case in point: our microwave decided to start spitting sparks any time it was turned on). Thus, where the credit cards come in.
Those evil little pieces of plastic that everyone knows about and might have even had 1 or a few in their lifetime. Credit isn’t a new thing, people borrowed money for things and have been doing that for a very long time. Back in the 1800s, people would borrow money to pay for things like new fences, cattle, land, money to build a house, a store, etc. The difference is that they borrowed for things that would ensure more money would be brought in (like the fence to keep the new cattle in, the store to bring in the customers to buy their goods). They, unlike most of us, didn’t borrow money to purchase toys, vacations, honeymoons, weddings, parties, vehicles, etc. They borrowed because they HAD to. We borrow because we CAN.
This little 7-page PDF₃ takes a look at the evolution of credit – which I personally find very intriguing. Side note: that little 7 page PDF was found through googling “history of credit”, and is originally from the Federal Reserve Bank of Boston₄, and is a great place to look around their publications and read up on banking history and current banking ways.
Today, it is rare to find someone who is completely debt free, much less those who don’t own a credit card – you know, unless you listen to 3 hours of Dave Ramsey – then you start to feel like you’re the odd man out. But that’s the thing – it’s not ok to be the odd man out in this rat race. Every time I listen in on one of Ramsey’s shows, it gets me fired up and I come home wanting to tackle this demon called debt head on and do everything I can to get us out of the hole we’ve put ourselves in. That man lights a fire under me like no other can when it comes to the dreaded D-word. However, back in the “old days”, personal debt was few and far between, and like I said, it wasn’t borrowed money for something like washing machines, beds, parties, or even clothes. You made do with what you had and acquired the skills to make what you needed, otherwise you just did without.
Staying back in history for a minute, let’s talk about the Great Depression. Both sets of my grandparents came from that time. They were all just old enough to know what was going on when the Depression hit, and what it meant to them and their families while they were going through it. One side might have had it a little worse than the other, but that didn’t make the other any less money-wise. They all came out of that time with a completely different look on money than they had going in. They each knew the value of a dollar, and what the hard work was like to get that dollar, which made them very conscious of how they spent that dollar. Take one of my grandmas, for example. She rarely spent any money just for herself (except for her hair – that was a necessity – both grandma’s put money aside for their hair appointments), but she was always afraid of running out of the little things, like toilet paper. Those little things that you and I completely take for granted until it’s not there anymore and you realize how much you really would love to have – especially toilet paper. But her going through one of the biggest financial nightmares of this country made her aware of running out of those little things, and she made sure that there was always plenty of the white TP to last for a while. That is something to admire, and not bash on, because that means that she lived through that terrible financial time and learned lessons from it, and maybe became a better person for persevering through it. One of my favorite sayings is that everything happens for a reason. You may not understand that reason while you’re going through it, but you can be sure that there is one, and you’ll eventually figure it out.
Going through hardships can make you realize all the things you take for granted. Yes, my husband and I made this mess that we’re in, but we’re also (slowly) digging ourselves out of it, even if I’m a little more gung-ho about budgeting and cutting spending and whatnot than he is. And that’s ok too. Yes, it’s much better if you both are in agreement about the trouble you’re in and that you need to get out of it (which he does, by the way, it’s just that for us to get out of this it’s going to take a LOT of hard work, patience and time), and how to do it, but it can also work when one is just a little more enthusiastic and determined about it than the other. It’ll make it a bit harder to come out of it at the end, and it might take longer, and there might be a few more arguments and fights along the way, but if you can come out of something like this together, you’ll be stronger in the end – both personally, spiritually and as a couple. Trials make you stronger. They make you see who you really are and who you can become, and if you can learn that while you learn your partners’ newfound strengths, then it’ll all be for the better. Plus, what better way to show your kids what money is and what it means to have it and not, and why it’s not a good idea to borrow – BINGO! You’ve just changed your family’s future, your kids and grandkids, and great grandkids futures!
So, take some time this evening, sit down with your partner, and go over the bills and debt, but also be open with them. Don’t place blame on either side, because that just gets you nowhere fast, but realize that you both are the reasons why you’re in this mess and that you’re in this mess together. You got in it together, you can get out of it together. And please know that whatever “plan” you’re following, if all the rules don’t fit you and how you want to get out of debt, then change a few around until they meet your needs, and assess those changed rules every month, or paycheck, whichever comes first. I personally didn’t cut up our credit cards, because I know that there’s going to be those times where we run out of money way before we reach the next paycheck. My only failing with that is that I didn’t cut up a single credit card. We still have all the cards in play, which is a big no-no. If you’re going to leave a “just in case” card, make it 1 card, with low APR, and a low credit limit, as well as have money in savings that you can fall back on before you reach for that credit card.
I hope that this post helped you out in some way. I believe in being educated in what you’re going through and doing the research to better arm yourself for the possible outcomes, which is why I linked those sites in here for you to read and look over. My best wishes and luck to you in your financial journey.
Until next time,
Jewelee
₁ Magnify Money: Average Household Credit Card Debt in the U.S. in 2018: https://www.magnifymoney.com/blog/news/u-s-credit-card-debt-by-the-numbers628618371/
₂ Wikipedia: Sisyphus: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sisyphus
₃ Federal Reserve Bank of Boston: Credit History: The Evolution of Consumer Credit in America PDF: https://www.bostonfed.org/-/media/Documents/ledger/spring-summer2004/credhistory.pdf
₄ Federal Reserve Bank of Boston: Home Page: https://www.bostonfed.org/Home.aspx
*I do not own nor have the permission to use these sites as my own. They are simply listed here because I have found them helpful and thought you would too.
