Celebrate your engagement with your closest friends and family, a bevy of personalized, seasonal elements (from beverage napkins to recipes), and an intimate and relaxed atmosphere. We asked the pros to share everything couples need to know about this pre-wedding party, so you can kick off your engagement with a thoughtful guest list, unique menu, and other must-have details.
The Etiquette of Engagement Parties
Engagement Party "Dos"
Engagement parties allow for nearly endless customization. Fill your day with personal touches on the menu, favors, venue, and entertainment, and remember to hire a photographer to catch every detail and every guest. "It's a great opportunity to get fabulous pictures," says Lynn Easton, owner of Easton Events.
Do: Keep the Guest List Small
While it's natural to want to celebrate your engagement with everyone you know, think twice before inviting all of your coworkers, neighbors, and acquaintances. "Only invite guests who will also be invited to the wedding," says Amy Nichols, owner of Amy Nichols Special Events. "Everyone who is invited to the engagement party absolutely must be invited to the wedding. The only exceptions to this rule would be very small weddings (under 50 people) or a destination wedding in a very far-flung location."
Do: Highlight Your History
Your engagement party is a sweet time to share the story of your relationship, up to and including the proposal. Jennifer Zabinski of JZ Events recommends incorporating details of your first meeting, past travels, and favorite hobbies into a photo album you can use as a guest book, or printing beverage napkins with the date, location, or wording of your proposal. (If you had a videographer or professional photographer on site during the engagement, share the results with your engagement party guests.)
Do: Create Contrast
If you have an idea of the venue, menu, and atmosphere you want for your wedding, design an engagement party that offers a subtle contrast: To complement a formal, five-course wedding celebration, consider a more casual barbecue or food truck for your engagement party. "Make this a fun co*cktail/food station event so guests can mingle and not be stuck at a table," says Eyal Tessler of Tessler Events.
Brooke Keegan, owner of Brooke Keegan Special Events, also recommends sourcing a unique spot for your party: "Pick a location that is very different from your wedding venue," she says. Instead of the country club, rent out your favorite bar; instead of a beachfront hotel, set up an at-home brunch.
Do: Get Creative With the Menu
The smaller, more laid-back atmosphere that's common at engagement parties also allows you to create a playful menu. One idea: "Serve your favorite foods as 'his,' 'hers,' and 'ours' style," says Carla Ruben, owner and creative director of Creative Edge Parties. "It's a yummy conversation piece."
You can also customize your meal by requesting foods that are family favorites or cultural icons: think your grandmother's cheesecake or your dad's famous Italian meatballs. "Embrace your different backgrounds and showcase the origins of where your families come from," says Kristin Banta of Kristin Banta Events. "Just don't serve the same food you intend to serve at the wedding."
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Engagement Party "Don'ts"
Though engagement parties are flexible and easy to personalize, you should avoid a few traps, say the experts.
Don't: Rush Into It
Unless your engagement party is a surprise get-together planned for the moments immediately after the proposal, give yourself a few weeks—or even months—before planning a big celebration. "Don't hold your party too soon after the proposal," says Zabinski. "Instead of diving into party-planning mode right away, take some time to enjoy your newly engaged status, as the upcoming months may be a bit hectic!"
Don't: Break the Bank
The smaller guest list of an engagement party might inspire you to go overboard on details, but saving some of your most creative (and complicated) ideas for the wedding allows you to relax and enjoy the moment. "Don't make this the wedding!" says Tessler. "Keep it intimate, less formal, and fun!"
It also allows you to keep your budget in check, so you can focus your finances on the wedding itself. "Be careful not to spend too much time or too many resources," says Easton. "Your engagement party is the first event of many to come."
Don't: Expect Gifts
Engagement gifts are a recent trend, so while many guests may bring one, it's not required. "Historically, guests didn't bring gifts to an engagement party, as they were generally reserved for very close friends and family," says Nichols. "However, as engagement parties have grown in popularity, more and more people are bringing gifts. You can also ask the party's host to write 'No Gifts' on the invitation if you feel strongly about your guests not bringing you a little something."
Don't: Take the Nos Personally
If some of your nearest and dearest can't make it to your engagement party, accept their regrets politely, says Keegan; remember, you'll have plenty of moments to celebrate together before the wedding. "Don't be upset if some of your guests are unable to attend," she says. "It's more important if everyone you care about is at the main event."
