When you discover your son wearing female clothing, including skirts, tights, heels and even panties, it can be a shocking experience.
You worry that if your son is a cross-dresser, he has a mental problem or sexual perversion.
Cross-dressing begins when most boys are young, and despite how strange it may seem, it's a completely normal behavior.
It's very difficult to stop someone's enjoyment of cross-dressing if he's been doing it for any length of time. You can, however, help your son by giving him the support he needs from his parents.
Realize that cross-dressing does not make your son perverted, mentally ill or hom*osexual. Cross-dressing may be somewhat sexually exciting to teen boys, but this is not abnormal.
Consider your son's age before responding to his cross-dressing. Before about six years of age, children think their gender can be changed, so they may dress to reflect that. Young children might also just enjoy playing as or pretending to be the opposite sex. The behavior tends to go away on its own.
Watch for signs that may prompt your son to cross-dress while he's still in elementary school. For example, if your young son says he wishes he were the other gender or hates being a boy, he might begin cross-dressing. Boys who always want to play with toys considered to be girl's or who typically draw pictures of the opposite sex may also be interested in cross-dressing. If you notice these signs, consider having a talk with your son about his feelings.
Ensure that your son has a male role model, such as his father or grandfather, as well as male friends, so he learns what it's like to be a boy. Don't discourage his interaction with females, however.
Refrain from calling your son names or punishing him for cross-dressing. This will only drive him away and cause him to be more secretive about his behavior.
Suggest that your son only cross-dress in private, especially if other kids are making fun of him at school.
Ask your son to purchase his own clothing for cross-dressing instead of using the clothes of other female household members. If your son is young, provide him with dress-up clothes from both genders to encourage him to explore and use his imagination.
Assure your son that you love him regardless of his cross-dressing. Tell him that you'd like to talk to him about it so you can understand him better.
Schedule an appointment with your family physician or a therapist if your son's cross-dressing is causing him serious distress or unhappiness.
If your son doesn't want to stop cross-dressing, you'll need to accept his choice. Your son needs plenty of love and support regardless of his behavior.
FAQs
Use a positive tone to indicate that you aren't upset with him, and you want to understand him. Ask him about what he likes, and tell him a little bit about cross-dressing and gender presentation if he's curious.
How do I deal with my son cross-dressing? ›
Try to have a brief, calm conversation in which you need to be very accepting (at least act it!). Remind him that you love him no matter what, and understand his desire to experiment, but that he needs to purchase his own clothes, rather than use his mother's.
Why does my son want to cross-dress? ›
Children may cross dress because they think the clothes and toys of the other gender are better. They may also believe that their parents prefer children of the opposite sex, or they may not have a role model of their own sex to use as a model for their clothing or behavior.
What causes someone to be a cross-dresser? ›
The cause of the Transvestic Disorder is unknown. Cross-dressing has been reported to produce excitement in childhood, which can progress to sexual arousal during puberty. If a person ages and the practice is repeated and encouraged, the urge to cross-dress may get greater, even as sexual pleasure decreases.
How do I talk to my child about cross-dressing? ›
Here are some tips for getting started!
- Talk about gender expansively from the beginning. ...
- Talk about families expansively from the beginning. ...
- Share stories about transgender and non-binary families! ...
- Don't judge your child's learning. ...
- Integrate questions about gender into occasional everyday conversations with your kids.
You can try to stop, but the desire to dress usually overcomes you, and you may do it again in the future. If this occurs to you, you can also crossdress less and less on a daily basis. This is a long and winding road. However, if you prefer, you can go the traditional "cold-turkey" route.
What age should I stop dressing in front of my son? ›
"Each child is different, but it's safe to say by age 5 years old you should stop being naked in front of your kids," Dr. Fran Walfish, Beverly Hills family and relationship psychotherapist and author of The Self-Aware Parent, tells Romper.
Is it normal for my son to dress like a girl? ›
These behaviors do not necessarily mean your child is transgender. They simply suggest your child is getting to know the world around him and exploring what he or she likes to do. Behaviors that suggest gender curiosity rather than transgenderism include: Wearing clothes of the opposite sex.
What do I do if my son wants to dress like a girl? ›
What do I do if my son wants to be a girl?
- work with your family to help you understand your child's experience and support your child.
- support your child to understand their gender identity.
- support your child to affirm their gender, where appropriate.
Transvestic disorder is experiencing recurrent and intense sexual arousal, urges, and behavior from wearing clothes traditionally worn by a different gender. It is not a mental disorder. Instead, transvestic disorder falls under the umbrella term of paraphilia, any atypical sexual thoughts or erotic behavior.
The most common example of a crossdresser is a man who wears traditionally feminine clothing such as dresses or skirts. Depending on the person and situation, a cross-dresser may or not identify or associate themselves with the LGBTQ community.
How many cross-dressers are straight? ›
One thousand and thirty-two male periodic cross-dressers (transvestites) responded to an anonymous survey patterned after Prince and Bentler's (1972) report. With few exceptions, the findings are closely related to the 1972 survey results. Eighty-seven percent described themselves as heterosexual.
What are cross-dressers also called? ›
transvestism, also called cross-dressing, practice of wearing the clothes of the opposite sex.
What age does gender identity develop? ›
Around age two: Children become conscious of the physical differences between boys and girls. Before their third birthday: Most children can easily label themselves as either a boy or a girl. By age four: Most children have a stable sense of their gender identity.
Should I let my child dress himself? ›
Learning to get dressed builds your child's confidence and independence and gives them a sense of achievement. And once your child can dress themselves, helping them get dressed is one less thing for you to do. Also, getting dressed helps your child develop many other skills.
How to help child with sensory issues with getting dressed? ›
Encourage deep-pressure activities prior to dressing to decrease the tactile sensitivities. Wear undergarments inside out to prevent scratching seams and tags. Increase hat tolerance through massage of the scalp and putting the hat on in front of the mirror.Be aware of audio and visual overload and minimize it.
What does it mean if you want to cross-dress? ›
The term cross dresser means a person who dresses up in clothes traditionally associated with the opposite sex. Typically, it's used to refer to men who dress as women. However, it can also apply to women who wear clothes typically associated with men.
What is the meaning of cross-dressing boy? ›
Meaning of cross-dresser in English
a person who sometimes wears clothes usually worn by a different gender; usually a man who sometimes wears the clothes, make-up, jewellery, etc. usually worn by women: He is a self-described crossdresser.
Can kids be particular about clothing without being autistic? ›
A person, regardless of whether they have autism or not, maybe hypersensitive to any sensation. Avoiding certain fabrics or clothing may happen for a variety of reasons, but one of the most common for children with autism is because their sense of touch is over-responsive or hypersensitive.
Is it normal for little boys to want to wear a dress? ›
Children dressing up as the opposite gender is very common (almost as common, in fact, as parents who are worried about this behavior.) But rest assured, it is perfectly normal. Dressing up and playing pretend is the activity of choice for children of this age.
