A name, or identity, is a powerful thing. It is a descriptor that allows people to make quick judgments and assumptions about us. While we can understand the harm of assumptions, for the human mind it is a fast way to categorize a lot of information in a short amount of time. Assumptions also give us social context for the “rules” we need to interact with new and different people.
If you are at an event and you overhear someone talking about their upcoming church event, you might make an assumption about them. Based on that assumption you may speak differently to them. Perhaps you would avoid using curse words, for instance. Or, you may avoid interacting with them altogether.
Names and identities are our first impressions. How we dress, the way we wear our hair, how we behave, and even where we go all begins with our identity and what we call ourselves. Whether it is religion, sexuality, or gender, if it is part of an identity then it will influence how you present yourself to the world and how you interact with the world. The critical factors in creating an identity are that it describes who you are and it is self-chosen.
Identity Describes Who You Are
Our names and identities describe who we currently are. It is a present-day representation of how we perceive ourselves in this world. During my first day of high school, our gym teacher took attendance. She paused when she came to a girl who she had taught since kindergarten and asked, “Is it still Susie, or is it Susan now?” Upon the transition to high school and young adulthood the teacher recognized that the student may no longer see herself as a child and may prefer a different name to the one she previously used.
The name and identity that we have at 15 years old may be different than when we are 25 or 50 years old. As we grow, change, and have new experiences what we call ourselves may change as well.
Identity Is Self-Chosen
The second important point about our identity is that it is self-chosen. Other people may give us names (e.g. our parents) and labels (e.g. society) but an identity can only come from us. An identity represents how we perceive ourselves and how we want other people to perceive us. A label is a descriptor given to us by others based on their stereotypes of us.
My father is from Nigeria (African) and my mother is from Mississippi (African-American). I am truly African-American as a blend and product of them. There are many times when I publically call myself African-American, but I also call myself black, more privately, as that term resonates with me. For me, black describes the uniqueness of my culture: growing up American, but also as a first-generation American in many ways. Black describes the complexity of my experience in a way that African-American does not.
Depending on the situation and circ*mstance what we call ourselves may change. Perhaps our identity changes over time. What once resonated with us no longer does. Identity is a personal process and decision about what you call yourself. It is a process that is complex and full and fluid. It may change with time, or it may change with the environment or circ*mstance.
For example, I make a distinction between what I am comfortable with publicly versus privately. I am uncomfortable with some people calling me black and I use the term African-American publically. Similar to people who use familiar and formal names, different relationships have different ways of relating to each other.
Consider taking time to review your own identity. What names and identities do you have today? Is your identity based on your relationships (i.e. sister, partner, father, etc.)? Is it based on your work? Is it based on your religion? Or your sexuality?
What creates the identity that you have today? Is it different than it was 10 years ago? Do you think that it will be different 10 years from now? Share your thoughts and experiences with us; we want to hear from you!
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Thomas D
June 26th, 2013 at3:57 AMIt is highly unfair to label others based on a name, don’t you think?
I have always tried to be more open minded than that, to get to know someone before I judge them based on their name, ethnicity, religion, or anything like that.
To judge someone before you really get to know them, to make asumptions about them based on one thing or another, well that is really limiting the number of great people that you potentially could have in your life.
To do this, that is simply your loss, and for me, unacceptable.Reply
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Randi Thompson
June 26th, 2013 at2:17 PM” While we can understand the harm of assumptions, for the human mind it is a fast way to categorize a lot of information in a short amount of time. Assumptions also give us social context for the “rules” we need to interact with new and different people.” – I’m so glad to see you mention this. We can, and often should, overcome our initial assumptions, but there is a very valid reason for why the mind works that way. Ignoring that is, I feel, a lazy shortcut to understanding the social nuances of human interactions. This article comes at a time when I have been doing a lot of self introspection, so thank you!
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Michel
June 26th, 2013 at11:04 PMName is just like a label – to help identify a person in a crowd or a group. It is what we do and make of ourselves that forms our identity. And identity is far more important than a name or tag on any given day.
For me, identity is what I am and what I see myself as, not what others think of me. That is their perception, it varies from person to person. if I start to worry of that I will never be happy, not even for a single day!
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Tonya Ladipo
June 27th, 2013 at5:03 PMYes, these are great points! How do you fight your assumptions of others? It is natural but how do you think and act against it?
See AlsoA rose by any other name?Reply
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irvin
March 14th, 2018 at2:49 PMHi, im starting a movement and it includes finding a new identity for us, the people in the movement. through out our history in the U.S. we have been looked upon as lazy and dumb. we want to do something about this negative lable that effects us and our children. can you give me some guidence on this matter please? what would be the best approach? and the best way to go about this? thank you.
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Jolene R
September 29th, 2013 at3:41 PMHi Tonya, I could really identify with this post. I changed my full name by deedpoll about 18 months ago and while I’m still struggling to deal with certain aspects of my past it’s hard to describe just how freeing my name change has been for me. Some people have struggled to understand or accept the need for me to change my name but mostly I’ve had support and understanding. Every time I introduce myself to somebody new I beam as my new name confidently and happily trips off my tongue. I found this post really interesting as it resonated with my experience.
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Katherine
September 30th, 2013 at5:57 AMI agree with the points mentioned above, but I read the article looking at it from a positive perspective. I am writing a book and have become an advocate to honor First Responders. I have several thoughts about a positive name for my new adventure.
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Nuriye
February 22nd, 2015 at4:52 AMI have a question here. Does name change indicate identity shift? I have 2 names and decided to use my first name as opposed to the second one. Does this relate to some kind of disorder? I read a few articles about this on the internet and I am somehow concerned. The reason why I made this change is somehow to break free from my painful past and start a clean page with good intentions. Is this a bad thing? Your answers are very much appreciated
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Tonya Ladipo
February 23rd, 2015 at10:06 AMI do believe that a name change, a change in what we call ourselves, is a shift in our identities. But I don’t think that it’s a disorder at all! Nurye, claiming a name that frees you from a painful past sounds healthy and a great thing to do for yourself. What a great way to be kind to yourself. Be proud of it!
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Busolami
August 18th, 2020 at12:45 AMYou can use a name as an assumption of who is someone is because that is first identity of a person,the name is who that person,in that name a whole new world exist and then to know the full world you would have to meet the person with the name.
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Busolami
August 18th, 2020 at12:55 AMI meant “a name can be used as an assumption of who someone is” not who is someone
Because the name captivates everything about the person
For example the name Jabeze it described him and the identity for a while before he changed it when his identity changed. Then again there is the name Emmanuel and the name Jesus and discribed who he was and is
My name is Busolami, people always wants to nickname me,but calling me that doesn’t answer what that propose of the
Lol I am very strict about being called Busolami because that is who I am my identity and I am even additional blessingsReply
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Overere
March 11th, 2022 at3:07 AMSuch an insightful therapy on identity.
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Mace
October 4th, 2022 at11:30 AMI’m 59 years old. Growing up in the 1960’s with, “Mace” as my name was challenging. I was (am) kind of introverted and therefore I was uncomfortable every time my name invited conversation with strangers. But, oddly, as the years passed I became tolerant of my name, and finally to embrace my name. I’ve often wondered whether I came to appreciate my name because I just got used to it or because my identity is (at least partly) interconnected with my name and the experiences my name has brought to my life.
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