Rituals of marriage create untold suffering for millions of widows in India (2024)

Rituals of marriage create untold suffering for millions of widows in India (1)

This blog was originally published by The Future of Earth.

By Shipra Deo, Landesa Director of Women’s Land Rights in India

The ideal of a married woman decorated with sindoor, sakha, and bichiya is romanticized through legend and folklore; steeped in this culture, women themselves see value in these rituals. Millions of women in India do not even imagine that these discriminatory and patriarchal rituals are not supernaturally ordained and blind them to the reality that the revered status given to suhagins causes untold suffering to any woman (widow) who does not fit the ideal.

In June this year, the Sikkim High Court in northeastern India noted in a divorce plea that a married Hindu womanessentially denies her marriageif she will not wear the traditionalsindoor(a layer of vermillion worn in the hair parting) andshaka(the bangles made out of conch shells).

Wearingsindoorandshakais expected of all married Hindu women in this region of India, though varying ritualistic norms for married women exist across the country. In Bihar it is glass bangles and orange sindoor, in Uttar Pradesh it isbichiya(a toe ring) and nose-pin along with red sindoor; and in Maharashtra it ismangala sutra(a necklace with black beads).

Similarly, married women are also expected to celebrate certain festivals (karva-chauth,haritalika teejandvat-purnima) and observe fast. Often, they go without even a sip of water throughout the day and pray for the health and longevity of their husband.

Observance of these rituals and festivals are proud declarations that a woman is married and that she belongs to someone – her husband.

Proud? Yes, you read it right.

These rituals separate married women from others and give them a revered higher status compared to other women, including widows or women who are separated from their husbands.

When a woman’s husband dies, other married women in the family and neighborhood surround her and strip the widow of these marital decorations. They break her bangles, smudge thesindoor, slit themangalsutra, remove thebichiya; and then the widow cannot wear these ever again. Nor does a widow observe the fasts described above. She is also considered unlucky, and so is forbidden from participating in other ceremonies thought to be auspicious, including weddings and child-naming ceremonies.

Pooja, a 16-year-old child widow in Rajasthan, was married at 13 and became a widow even before hergauna(when a girl goes to her husband’s house and stays with him).

She used to live in a small hut on the outskirts of the main house, where her parents and other family members lived. I saw a small piece of red ribbon in the iron box in which she kept her dull-colored clothes and a few other belongings.

“What is this ribbon for?” I asked her. She said she places it in her hair part and looks at the reflection in a steel plate (because she is not allowed to have a mirror). She wanted to imagine how beautiful she would have looked if her husband was alive. Her shame was obvious as she told me this. She said she would see other girls of her age in the village and wish she was a ‘suhagin’ (a married woman whose husband is alive).

Then there was Sudevi, a 30-year-old widow in a village in Uttar Pradesh. Recounting the ordeal of losing her husband, she said, “While they were stripping off my jewellery and washing the color off my forehead, I kept thinking that these people—my relatives, my neighbours and my so-called friends—are not my well-wishers. My life is devastated. And all they care about is their merciless customs.”

She explained the dilemma imposed on her by society: “If I put on a white sari, give up fancy food, and spend the rest of my life decaying in a corner, then I am a cursed wife who loved her husband and now deserves this life of renunciation. If, on the other hand, I refuse to conform to these rules, then I am a woman of bad character who did not love her husband.”

I wonder how systematically these rituals and customs deprive women and girls of joys in life. Patriarchy so efficiently uses strong cultural norms—even in moments of grief—to further the oppression of women.

The ideal of a married woman decorated withsindoor, sakha,andbichiya is romanticized through legend and folklore; steeped in this culture, women themselves see value in these rituals.

A recentstudy by UNDPreveals that close to 90 percent of men and women globally hold some sort of bias against women. Rituals that appear small and harmless by themselves play a critical role in shaping attitudes and beliefs. Decisionmakers are not immune to these influences, and their biases end up entrenched in law and policy. The report notes that countries with higher levels of biased social norms tend to have higher levels of gender inequality.

Millions of women in India don’t even imagine that these discriminatory and patriarchal rituals are not supernaturally ordained. These norms blind women and men to the reality that the revered status given tosuhaginscauses untold suffering to any woman who does not fit the ideal.

But there is hope—and a path—for change. Whenever advocates for gender justice, both women and men, speak and act to shift these norms, is another step toward progress. And with each step, our culture moves closer to a time when a woman’s love for her husband is not measured by her choice to follow these rituals.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Rituals of marriage create untold suffering for millions of widows in India (2)

Shipra Deo is Landesa’s Director of Women’s Land Rights in India. Ms. Deo is a development practitioner with more than 20 years of experience in managing multidisciplinary programs addressing women’s empowerment, women’s land rights, violence against women, agriculture, collective action, livelihoods and institution building.

Rituals of marriage create untold suffering for millions of widows in India (2024)

FAQs

How are widows treated in India today? ›

Widows in India, no longer throw themselves on the funeral pyres of their husbands, but life for them can still be deprived. The experience of widowhood varies across customs and time periods. They are still subject to patriarchal traditions, religious legislations and extensive prejudice in inheritance rights.

What happened to widows in ancient India? ›

In ancient India (read Vedic age), women were held in high esteem in society. They enjoyed the right to education, and freedom in the choice of spouses (swayamvar). Regarding widowhood too, the norms were flexible. A widow had multiple options: sahamarana, that is, 'voluntarily' joining the husband on his funeral pyre.

What are the problems faced by widows in India? ›

Top 5 Problems Faced by Widows in India
  • Inheritance Rights: Majority of Indian Windows are deprived of their inheritance rights. ...
  • Prohibition of Remarriage: Some castes prohibit remarriage of widow. ...
  • Observation of Mourning Rites: ...
  • Victim of violence: ...
  • Economic Problem:

What is the marital status of a widow in India? ›

2 - Widowed (including living common law)

This category includes persons who have lost their legally-married spouse through death and have not remarried. Those who live with a common-law partner are included in this category.

Who struggle for widow remarriage in India? ›

The Governor-General of India at that time was Lord Canning. The act was enacted due to the tireless efforts of social reformer Ishwar Chandra Vidyasagar.

What does Hinduism say about widows? ›

According to Hindu tradition, a widow cannot remarry. She has to hide in the house, remove her jewellery and wear the colour of mourning. She becomes a source of shame for her family, loses the right to participate in religious life and becomes socially isolated.

Why did India burn widows? ›

They do it as a sign of respect for what happened there a couple of months ago, and to honor the woman they say became a goddess that afternoon when she chose to be burned alive.

What does Bhagavad Gita say about widows? ›

According to ancient religious texts, women who lose their husbands -- even child brides -- are banished to a life of chastity and deprivation. Like a lotus flower, widows must survive pure and untouched by the dirty water in which they live, according to one of the holy books, the Bhagavad-Gita.

Can you marry a widow in India? ›

"Re-marriage of a widow, is not now under the Act a ground for divesting the estate inherited by her from her husband. The Hindu Widows Re-marriage Act, 1856, though it legalised the re-marriage of a Hindu widow, had the effect of divesting the estate inheri- ted by her as a widow.

Which is the major problem faced by most of the widows? ›

What challenges does widowhood bring? As widows move through their own experiences of grief, loss, or trauma after the death of a spouse, they may also face economic insecurity, discrimination, stigmatization, and harmful traditional practices on the basis of their marital status.

What happens to wife when husband dies in India? ›

Under Hindu Law: the wife has a right to inherit the property of her husband only after his death if he dies intestate. Hindu Succession Act, 1956 describes legal heirs of a male dying intestate and the wife is included in the Class I heirs, and she inherits equally with other legal heirs.

What are the benefits of marrying a widow? ›

A widow can make a partner comfortable by expressing her wishes clearly. So that the advantage of marrying a widow is minimal drama. Communication is an important element in a relationship. There can be no cooperation, if the communication between the partners is only one way.

Does wife get everything when husband dies in India? ›

Under Hindu law, a wife gets an equal share of the assets of the deceased husband divided between other Class I heirs, the children and mother. This applies only if the man dies intestate. If there are no children and other claimants, the wife is entitled to the total property.

Can a widow get married again in Hinduism? ›

-In the case of a widow who is of full age, or whose marriage has been consummated, her own consent shall be sufficient consent to constitute her remarriage lawful and valid.

What are the benefits for widow in India? ›

In the rural area under the National Family Benefit Scheme, a provision of Rs. 30,000 / – is provided for a widow of Rs. 30,000 / – after the death of the earning head of the family having income of Rs. 56460 / – in the urban area of ​​46080 / – and in the urban area.

Who was the first person to marry a widow in India? ›

KOLKATA: On December 7, 1856, Iswar Chandra Vidyasagar married off the first widow, much to the disgust and opposition of Hindu conservatives who practised child marriage and Sati. The event was held under strict police protection from fundamental Hindu Brahmins who were against such social reforms.

How many widows remarry in India? ›

exception rather than the rule; only about 10 percent of the widows remarry.

Who was the first groom to marry a widow? ›

Yet this is a building that was witness to one of the most important historical event that left an everlasting mark on the Indian society. This is the house where Ishwar Chandra Vidyasagar married off the first Hindu widow and started the trend of Hindu Widow Remarriage against severe threat from the society.

Do widows get lonely? ›

Loneliness, isolation, social isolation…for many widowed people these are parts of the reality of widowed life. The powerful feeling of emptiness that follows the death of our spouse or partner can be one of the most painful experiences of our widowed life.

Does God care about widows? ›

Fundamentally, God is the kind of God who keeps a careful eye on the widow. He is profoundly concerned for her, together with the stranger and the fatherless. He is righteous and protects them for he is “a father of the fatherless, a defender of widows . . . in his holy habitation,” (Psalm 68:5).

What is a widows ritual? ›

Widow cleansing is a ritual which demands a widow to have sexual intercourse with another man, normally one of her brothers-in-law in order to let the spirit of the deceased rest in peace among the dead.

What is wife burning in India? ›

Bride burning is a form of domestic violence practiced in countries located on or around the Indian subcontinent. A category of dowry death, bride-burning occurs when a young woman is murdered by her husband or his family for her family's refusal to pay additional dowry.

Who stopped sati in India? ›

Lord William Bentinck became the Governor-General of India in 1828. He helped Raja Rammohan Roy to suppress many prevalent social evils like Sati, polygamy, child marriage and female infanticide. Lord Bentinck passed the law banning Sati throughout the Company's jurisdiction in British India.

What color do widows wear in India? ›

Widows traditionally wear white, but breaking the mold, they go for a splash of color. Widows are reclaiming their "womanhood," says Annapurna Sharma, 38, seen fixing her hair in the image above.

What does God promise to a widow? ›

A Father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. He will cover you with His feathers. Under His wings you will find refuge. His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

How do you win the heart of a widow? ›

  1. Be curious. One of the best gifts you can give a widow or widower is to ask questions about their loved one, and to listen to their stories about him or her. ...
  2. Be gentle. Losing a partner is traumatic. ...
  3. Be supportive. The wounds of loss do not heal overnight. ...
  4. Be understanding. ...
  5. Be grateful. ...
  6. Be confident.
May 28, 2019

Can widows attend marriage? ›

Widows are not allowed to be a part of any pious ceremony in most of the Indian households.

Why are widows considered inauspicious? ›

Widows are supposed to be inauspicious. To give you an example, there is a tradition in the Brahmin community to worship women who have died before their husbands, glorifying them by a ritual called Sumangali Prarthanai. This function is done before a marriage celebration or any happy occasion, remembering the dead.

What percentage of widows remarry in India? ›

Remarriage is the exception rather than the rule; only about 10 percent of the widows remarry.

What happens if a widow remarries? ›

Is a widow still a widow if she remarries? Obviously, if you remarry, you are legally the wife of your new spouse. Both the SSA and IRS agree that your widow status is revoked once you remarry(unless you remarry after age 60 for SSA purposes).

What is the average age a woman becomes a widow? ›

The average age of widowhood in the U.S. is just 59, and pre-retirees who are widowed face unique challenges. There are 11.8 million widows in the U.S. and approximately 2,800 new widows are joining these ranks every day.

What are the three stages of widowhood? ›

They will know that everyone must: 1) absorb the shock of the change they are faced with; 2) Page 2 move out of numbness; and 3) emerge as their new self, in their own time and in their own way. This first stage, which is measured in months but usually takes more than twelve, is characterized by shock.

How are widows treated in 19th century India? ›

The state of Indian widows during colonial times was pathetic. They were often forced to commit 'sati' immediately after their husband's death. They were strictly prohibited from participating in any social or religious ceremonies and considered ominous.

Is sati still practiced in India? ›

The ancient Hindu tradition called sati, wherein a widow would throw herself on her husband's pyre and burn to death, was initially a voluntary act considered courageous and heroic, but it later became a forced practice. Although sati is now banned all over India, it has a dark history.

What happens when a partner dies India? ›

According to the Indian Partnership Act, 1932. Deceased partner is one who has discontinued the partnership due to his death. A contract between the partners of the enterprise is not dissolved by the death of a partner, the estate of a dead partner is not responsible for any act of the enterprise done after his death.

Who are the legal heirs of a deceased married person in India? ›

Class-I heirs of the deceased would be the widow, his son, his daughter, his mother, the son of a predeceased son, the daughter of predeceased son, the widow of the predeceased son, the son of a predeceased daughter, the daughter of predeceased daughter, the son of predeceased son of predeceased son, the daughter of ...

Why widows don t remarry? ›

Many widows who choose to remain single have had long and happy marriages and enjoy male companionship. They recognize that their ability to choose the single life rests on two essential points: financial independence and the ability and willingness to live life as an individual, rather than as one of a pair.

Do older widows want to remarry? ›

Indeed, in a recent international study of nearly 4,000 widowed persons, only 46% of the women who became a widow at age 60 or older said they don't plan to date in the future. The other 54% want to date or are already dating, have entered a committed long-term relationship, or have remarried.

Do most widows want to remarry? ›

Most widows and widowers get into a new relationship within ten years of the loss of their spouse. Statistics show that approximately 29% of widowers and 7% of widows get into a new union within a decade. These numbers are almost the same percentage of those not remarrying but cohabitating with their new partners.

What happens when your husband dies Are you still married? ›

Legally you are no longer married after the death of your spouse. From a spiritual standpoint, in religious ceremonies, you usually recite vows that say married “*ntil death do us part,” or something similar.

How long does a wife live after husband dies? ›

This discovery held true for both men and women. A previous study from 2008 drew a similar conclusion, finding that surviving spouses had up to a 90% chance of dying within the first three months following the death of their spouse.

Can wife claim husband property after divorce in India? ›

Where the property is registered as joint property, the woman has the right to claim a stake in the property in case of divorce. In line with the amount and percentage of the contribution, the court can grant her a share as a part of the divorce settlement.

Why were widows not allowed to remarry in India? ›

To protect what it considered family honour and family property, Hindu society had long disallowed the remarriage of widows, even child and adolescent ones, all of whom were expected to live a life of austerity and abnegation.

What Vedas say about widow remarriage? ›

Veda clearly approves marriage of the widow. Such women faced no condemnation or isolation in the household or society. They had the right to property inherited from the dead husbands. There are riks blessing the woman and her new husband, with progeny and happiness.

When can a widow remarry in India? ›

Hindu Widow Remarriage Act was Passed - July 16, 1856 - This Day in History. The Hindu Widow Remarriage Act 1856 legalized the remarriage of Hindu widows on 16th July 1856.

Who allowed widow marriage? ›

One such law was the widow remarriage act 1856, also known as Act XV, 1856, enacted through the tireless struggle of Vidyasagar and other Indian social reformers. The support of the then Governor-General of India led to pass the act. It legalised widow remarriage and eradicated the superstitions attached to it.

Are widows allowed to remarry in India? ›

-In the case of a widow who is of full age, or whose marriage has been consummated, her own consent shall be sufficient consent to constitute her remarriage lawful and valid.

What benefits are available for widows in India? ›

In the rural area under the National Family Benefit Scheme, a provision of Rs. 30,000 / – is provided for a widow of Rs. 30,000 / – after the death of the earning head of the family having income of Rs. 56460 / – in the urban area of ​​46080 / – and in the urban area.

Who inherits property if no will in India? ›

As per Section 15 (2)(a), if the property is inherited from her parents, it devolves to the father's heirs in the absence of any kids. As per Section 15 (2)(b), if the property is inherited from her husband or father-in-law, it devolves, in the absence of kids, to husband's heirs.

What benefits can a wife claim when her husband dies? ›

There are two kinds of benefits that loved ones left behind may be entitled to receive after the death of a spouse. These are: Widowed parent's allowance. Bereavement allowance and bereavement payment.

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