The Japanese Way Of Disciplining Children - Savvy Tokyo (2024)

How are Japanese families disciplining their children — and how are they eliciting good behavior in the first place? I wasn’t the only American mother asking this question.

On train trips with my two-year-old son, he often treated the captive audience of the train car as his own private performance arena: dancing,jumping, doling out smiles to the indulgent passengers who (thankfully) never truly seemed to mind his antics. While I whispered urgentreprimands, I noticed that the other children seemed to sit quietly instead.

The Japanese Way Of Disciplining Children - Savvy Tokyo (1)

My son wasn’t behaving badly, exactly. There was simply an obvious cultural difference in how he was expected to behave and what his Japanese peers were taught. I began to wonder: how are families in Japan encouraging good behavior in the first place?

Managing “Ma no Nisai” (The Terrible Two’s)

I wasn’t the only American mother asking myself this question. Finding a misbehaving Japanese toddler became something of a game with other international mom friends whenever we took our children to parks and museums. If we caught sight of Japanese toddlers having an elusive tantrum in public, we would sigh to ourselves in relief. It wasn’t just our children. It was everyone’s. Yet the Japanese parents seemed not to intervene at all. The child would sit on the ground, crying and screaming at the playground or park, and the parents seemed relatively unconcerned.

The child would sit on the ground, crying and screaming at the playground or park, and the parents seemed relatively unconcerned.

During one of my son’s epic tantrums, where we cleared out a train car on the Yamanote line from Shinjuku, I was at a complete loss. He decided he most emphatically did not want to ride the train home, but we absolutely needed to do so. Unable to fully restrain him because I was cradling my newborn daughter, my son tried with all his might to leave the train before it departed, and I whispered a sincere Gomennasai (I’m sorry) to all the passengers brave enough to remain on the car with us. At that moment, I would have wholeheartedly welcomed someone else intervening — none of my disciplining tricks worked.

I spoke to my Japanese languageteacher about the tantrum later, mentioning we have a phrase in English that describes this age in a child’s life: the terrible two’s. She nodded. “We do as well,” she laughed. “Ma no nisai. The Evil Age.”

Yet when I asked how people in Japan handled the ‘evil age,’ she just smiled mysteriously and moved on.

The Art of sh*tsuke (Discipline)

One day, I inadvertently discovered why I’d never seen a Japanese child disciplined. Another day, another busy train, and this time it was another child throwing a tantrum about riding home. The father quickly pulled his entire family from the train car and as doors closed and the train sped away, I saw him crouch down on the now-empty platform to the misbehaving child and begin to scold. It was a revelation.

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Where I’d focus on stopping the behavior as it happened, Japanese parents seemed to wait until a private moment to discuss. I began noticing this everywhere – parents crouched behind pillars in train stations, at the edges of parks, having quiet conversations as the children were packed away into cars.

Where I’d focus on stopping the behavior as it happened, Japanese parents seemed to wait until a private moment to discuss.

Aside from maintaining the pride of the child, disciplining in private also spares the pride of the parent. In Japanese, discipline is sh*tsuke—which also translates roughly into training or upbringing. I like the thought of it as training. Parents are expected to model the behavior their children should emulate. In my case, quiet consultation in private certainly seemed better than waiting out a tantrum in the middle of a crowded train.

Focus on the Behavior, Not on Punishing the Child

To be sure, some discipline measures are extreme everywhere. One family in Japan made international headlines when their seven-year-old went missing in bear-country Hokkaido after they’d put him out of the car and driven away as a punishment for his misbehavior. When they returned minutes later, he’d vanished (and thankfully was found, albeit several frantic days later). Child psychologists worldwide seem to agree that it’s always best tofocus onthe behavior—not the child.

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The overall focus on training as discipline—teaching children to behave by repeatedly modeling the appropriate behaviors and privately correcting them when they veer from that course—is also apparent from my visits to watch my son at his kindergarten.The students follow a strict schedule, repeating the same songs, games, and polite behaviors like putting shoes away neatly and sitting quietly until it becomes routine.

The students follow a strict schedule, repeating the same songs, games, and polite behaviors like putting shoes away neatly and sitting quietly until it becomes routine.

But in the end, we all just do what works. One sunny afternoon at yochien pickup, the sensei stopped me after class. Through a friend helping translate, the sensei said she’d had trouble disciplining my two-year-old that day. She didn’t know how to explain to him to stop in English, and he mistook her admonishments as a new game, mimicking her when she tried to reprimand him.

Finally, she told me, she just yelled at him like I did. I was slightly awed and also embarrassed. “How do I yell at him?” I asked. (And how often did I yell at him in her presence, I wondered).

She demonstrated, saying his name quickly and full of low, unmistakable warning—exactly as I do when my patience runs thin—and laughed. “It worked perfectly,” she told me.

The Japanese Way Of Disciplining Children - Savvy Tokyo (2024)

FAQs

How do the Japanese discipline their children? ›

Supportive child discipline

With the help of their mother, they begin, for example, putting on or taking off their clothes, eating, self-toileting, and tooth-brushing. Children at this age often show interest in doing these tasks by themselves, and on such occasions, should be encouraged to complete them alone.

What is the Japanese style of discipline? ›

Aside from maintaining the pride of the child, disciplining in private also spares the pride of the parent. In Japanese, discipline is sh*tsuke—which also translates roughly into training or upbringing. I like the thought of it as training. Parents are expected to model the behavior their children should emulate.

What is the Japanese technique for self-discipline? ›

Shukanka is a Japanese term that refers to the process of developing positive habits. Erin Niimi Longhurst, author of Japonisme, explains how you can build up your self-discipline using shukanka. The Japanese word shukanka means 'forming the habit' in English.

What is the Japanese method of teaching toddlers? ›

The Shichida Method in a Nutshell

The Shichida Method of Education systematically stimulates children's brains according to their developmental age. It simultaneously cultivates children's intelligence and aesthetic sensibility. The Method provides the framework for cultivating children's learning skills.

What is the Japanese parenting style? ›

Japanese parents also emphasise maintaining high moral standards. So virtues like honesty, humility, honour and trustworthiness become the bedrock of their parenting culture. It is especially interesting with permissive parenting being so popular these days.

What Japanese term is defined as self discipline? ›

Defining sh*tsuke

The word is sh*tsuke and is most commonly referenced as the 5th S in 5S. This final S typically stands for self-discipline or sustain.

What are the 5 Japanese techniques? ›

Goho (The Five Cooking Methods)

Japanese cooking can be broken down in to five basic cooking methods. These are "Nama"(cutting), "Niru" (simmering), "Yaku" (grilling), "Musu" (steaming) and "Ageru" (deep-frying).

Is Japan a discipline country? ›

Japan's culture of discipline and respect means that even with a population of 127 million people, street crime is almost unheard of and drug use miniscule.

What is the Japanese restraint technique? ›

"Restraining Rope Technique") or just Nawajutsu (縄術, lit. "Rope Technique"), is the traditional Japanese martial art of restraining a person using cord or rope (called Nawa (縄, lit. "Rope") in Japanese), as a precursor to modern-day handcuffs.

What are the Japanese 4 principles? ›

Ikigai, which originates from Japan, is a concept that helps people find purpose and meaning in their lives. It involves four basic principles: knowing what you love, knowing what you're good at, having a mission in life, and having something to live for.

What is the Japanese symbol for discipline? ›

#kanji 修 - Jisho.org.

What does the Japanese 5S mean self discipline? ›

The 5S principle:

SEITON – Orderliness/Systematize. SEISO – The Cleaning/Shining. SEIKETSU – Standardize. sh*tSUKE - Sustain/Discipline.

What is the most important taught in early childhood in Japan? ›

Japanese preschool education is child-centered and based upon the principle of “whole person education,” which focuses on social and emotional development, friendship and responsibility.

What is the best way to teach Japanese to kids? ›

You can use many strategies to help your child learn Japanese. You can use apps, play language-based games, watch anime, or read Manga. However, speaking and connecting with others is the most effective way of learning a language. With Preply, your child can take 1-on-1 private lessons with a native Japanese tutor.

How long do Japanese mothers sleep with their children? ›

In many cultures, cosleeping is the norm until children are weaned, and some continue long after weaning. Japanese parents (or grandparents) often sleep in proximity with their children until they are teenagers, referring to this arrangement as a river - the mother is one bank, the father another, and the child ...

What is the most common parenting style in Japan? ›

Rather than encouraging their children to think independently, Japanese parents raise their children to value obedience and sharing their mothers' mindset when making decisions (and many decisions are made on the child's behalf).

Why Japanese kids are different from the rest of the world? ›

Children are taught to respect other people and to be gentle to animals and nature. They also learn how to be generous, compassionate, and empathetic.

What is the Japanese word for punishment? ›

means 'punishment'

What is the Japanese saying for always improving? ›

Kaizen is a Japanese term meaning change for the better or continuous improvement. It is a Japanese business philosophy that concerns the processes that continuously improve operations and involve all employees.

How do you develop self discipline? ›

How to Develop Self-Discipline
  1. Choose a Goal. Begin by choosing just one goal that you want to focus on to develop your self-discipline. ...
  2. Find Your Motivation. Once you've chosen a goal, list the reasons why you want to achieve it. ...
  3. Identify Obstacles. ...
  4. Replace Old Habits. ...
  5. Monitor Your Progress.

What are the 7 rules of Japanese? ›

What are Sen no Rikyu's 7 rules
  • Make a satisfying bowl of tea.
  • Lay the charcoal so that the water boils efficiently.
  • Provide the sense of warmth in the winter and coolness in the summer.
  • Arrange the flowers as though they were in the field.
  • Be ready ahead of time.
  • Be prepared in case it should rain.
Nov 12, 2020

How do Japanese get rid of belly fat? ›

Known as Long-breath diet by Ryosuke, this Japanese technique for losing belly fat quickly involves standing in a certain position, taking 3-second breath and exhaling strongly for 7 seconds. It has been previously found that breathing exercises can help you with weight loss.

What are the 5S the secret to Japanese success? ›

The 5S methodology is simply a systematic laid out plan to visually manage the entire manufacturing unit. The term 5S stands for five terms, all of which start with the letter 'S'. The original Japanese terms are: Seiri, Seiton, Seiso, Seiketsu, and sh*tsuke.

Which country has more discipline? ›

One of the most peaceful countries on Earth, Japan is known for their sweet-tempered, organised and disciplined people.

Is Japan indulgence or restraint? ›

Japan scores relatively low on Indulgence, indicating a more restrained and disciplined approach to pleasure and self-expression.

Does Japan allow self defense? ›

2014 reinterpretation

This reinterpretation allows Japan to exercise the right of "collective self-defense" in some instances and to engage in military action if one of its allies were to be attacked.

How do Japanese people sit with their legs folded? ›

To sit seiza-style, one must first be kneeling on the floor, folding one's legs underneath one's thighs, while resting the buttocks on the heels.

What is the Japanese rope knot? ›

The Japanese Square Knot is a decorative method of joining two ropes that forms a square shape. Due to its symmetry, it is often used to adorn the lanyard holding a whistle or knife and can be used as a fancy way to fasten the waist belt of a robe.

Is Japan a restraint culture? ›

It is characterised by pessimism and cynicism. Japanese have little leisure time and act according to social norms which restrain them, and see indulging as something wrong (The Hofstede Centre, 2016).

What are the 3 main beliefs of Japan? ›

Contents. The Japanese religious tradition is made up of several major components, including Shinto, Japan's earliest religion, Buddhism, and Confucianism.

What are 3 values in Japanese culture? ›

Harmony, order, and self-development are three of the most important values that underlie Japanese social interaction. Basic ideas about self and the nature of human society are drawn from several religious and philosophical traditions.

What are the three beliefs of Japan? ›

Religion in Japan
Religious believers in Japan (CIA World Factbook)
Shinto70.5%
Buddhism67.2%
Christianity1.5%
Other religions5.9%
2 more rows

Is there a symbol for discipline? ›

When you study psychology you quickly discover that the universal symbol for the discipline is the pitchfork shaped image like the ones in the picture above.

How do you say disciplined in Japanese? ›

The word is ganbatte (頑張って) or ganbaru! (頑張る!).

What is the Japanese symbol for obedience? ›

This kanji "從" means "obey", "comply", "follow", "accompany"

What does sh*tsuke mean in Japanese? ›

sh*tsuke is the fifth and final step of the Lean 5S method. It means "sustain" or "sustained discipline". It is a Japanese word that carries a wealth of cultural meaning: Discipline and training imposed upon a person: Children are taught by their parents to brush their teeth after every meal.

What is Kaizen theory? ›

Kaizen focuses on eliminating waste, improving productivity, and achieving sustained continual improvement in targeted activities and processes of an organization. Lean production is founded on the idea of kaizen – or continual improvement.

What is Japanese 5S in English? ›

5S was derived from the Japanese words seiri, seiton, seiso, seiketsu, and sh*tsuke. In English, they can be roughly translated as sort, set in order, clean, standardize, and sustain. The cornerstone of 5S is that untidy, cluttered work areas are not productive.

What is Japan best known for in education? ›

The country is renowned for its high academic attainment levels, exacting standards, and strong focus on respect and discipline. The Japan education system is set up to help pupils succeed academically and professionally.

What is Japan famous for in education? ›

You have everything from top-quality education and rich culture to reasonable fees and vibrant student life. That is why international students from far and wide come to Japan to pursue higher studies. It has plenty of great courses and universities to choose from.

What do Japanese kids learn first? ›

Children begin officially learning reading and writing at the age of six, when they enter elementary school. They learn hiragana and katakana during the first year of elementary school.

What is the most efficient way of learning Japanese? ›

The important thing is that today we've learned that the best way to learn Japanese is the combination of five different tips: getting use to the language by watching TV series and listening to podcasts, learning hiragana with mnemonics, using Pimsleur and Rosetta Stone to learn the basics, talking to online tutors, ...

What not to do when learning Japanese? ›

  1. 1: Make sure you have the right resources. ...
  2. 2: Thinking you are going to become a master by watching only anime. ...
  3. 3: Not actually using Japanese. ...
  4. 4: Copying the wrong gender. ...
  5. 5: Overusing Pronouns. ...
  6. 6: Speaking with the wrong level of formality. ...
  7. 7: Using “san” in your introduction. ...
  8. 8: Learning too quickly and getting stressed.
Dec 23, 2019

What do they teach kids in Japan? ›

The subjects they study include Japanese, mathematics, science, social studies, music, crafts, physical education, and home economics (to learn simple cooking and sewing skills). More and more elementary schools have started teaching English, too.

What basic table manners do Japanese parents teach their children? ›

7 Table Manners In Japan You Should Know Before Visiting
  • Only Use Wet Towels to Wipe Your Hands. ...
  • Say Thanks Before and After Your Meal. ...
  • Use Chopsticks the Right Way. ...
  • Hold Your Rice Bowl While Eating. ...
  • Don't Eat with Elbows on the Table. ...
  • Slurp While Eating Noodles and Drinking Tea. ...
  • No Leftovers is Basic Etiquette.
Dec 20, 2019

What is Japan's moral behavior? ›

In Japan, some of the core values are thinking of others, doing your best, not giving up, respecting your elders, knowing your role, and working in a group. These concepts are taught explicitly and implicitly from nursery school into the working world.

How are Japanese children so independent? ›

Japan has a very low crime rate, which is surely a key reason parents feel confident about sending their kids out alone. But small-scaled urban spaces and a culture of walking and transit use also foster safety and, perhaps just as important, the perception of safety.

What country has the best parenting style? ›

Best Countries for Raising Kids
  • Denmark.
  • Norway.
  • Sweden.
  • Finland.
  • Canada.
  • Switzerland.

Do Japanese students respect their teachers? ›

First thing in the morning, Japanese children bow to their teachers. It's a small gesture that says a lot, reports CBS News correspondent Celia Hatton. Here, respect is not a song title.

Is it rude to not finish a meal in Japan? ›

Always finish your meal!

The Japanese consider it rude to leave food on your plate, and even more so to order more food when you haven't finished everything you've already got. This is related to one of the fundamental concepts in Japanese culture, mottainai, which is a feeling of regret at having wasted something.

What are 3 primary values of Japanese culture? ›

Harmony, order, and self-development are three of the most important values that underlie Japanese social interaction. Basic ideas about self and the nature of human society are drawn from several religious and philosophical traditions.

What are Japanese family values? ›

Family (kazoku) is a foundational part of Japanese society. An individual's identity, reputation, obligations and responsibilities are deeply connected to their family. Japanese family structures have been influenced by Confucian ideas of filial piety and defined hierarchical social relationships over the centuries.

Why is Japanese culture so disciplined? ›

For the Japanese, discipline is fundamental and must be instilled in children at an early age. Thanks to it and their sense of integrity, the Japanese maintain a sense of order. Often, Westerners are impressed by the Japanese's exquisite manners.

How does Japan view children? ›

In Japan, a child is encouraged to be curious. Children are also encouraged to be a full part of society and to get to know the world from an early age. From an early age, a special relationship between a child and a mother is formed.

Are kids in Japan happy? ›

TOKYO -- Though physically healthy, Japan's children have been suffering from a poor mental state, according to a well-being report released by UNICEF in 2020. The survey, which compared the levels of happiness in children from 38 countries, saw Japan rank first for physical health, but 37th for mental well-being.

What causes child poverty in Japan? ›

Key factors affecting child poverty in Japan

Many may say that there are a plethora of reasons as to why there are so many poor children in Japan. These factors may be due to homelessness, single-parent households, child abandonment, or a combination of all of the above and other underlying causes.

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