What, actually, does dating mean? (2024)

Tough Love

The term dating is so casually and commonly misused, that most times, people use it to refer to the stages of a relationship that it doesn't really denote

What, actually, does dating mean? (1)

Contrary to popular usage, dating someone is not considered as being in a relationship with them. (Unsplash)

By Simran Mangharam

LAST PUBLISHED 24.09.2022 | 01:00 PM IST

‘Dating’ has become a commonly used term. It’s so common that even my 12 year old informs me that her bestie is dating a boy from their class. I asked her if she knows what dating means. Daughter promptly answered – when two people like each other and tell each other about it, then until they decide to breakup, they are dating.

So far, this is the simplest interpretation I have heard. It is fairly common for many adults to also assume that this is what dating means — that when you consistently go on more dates with a person, you start “dating” this individual. The Cambridge dictionary’s definition does not help either, when it tells us that dating means “toregularlyspendtimewith someone you have aromanticrelationshipwith”.

However, as things stand right now, dating someone is not considered as being in a relationship with them. Dating is really more of a steppingstone to get into a relationship, where one gets to know someone romantically. Being in a relationship comes much later — where the dating partners do not wish to date other people, have now committed to each other, and intend to cultivate their shared connection.

Also Read: Dating fatigue? Here are 6 great first date ideas

For example, V, a 30-year-old client of mine considers that he is ‘actively dating’ when he makes the effort to go on as many dates as possible. V works on a four-dates formula. Meaning that he sees if he can go out with one woman on more than four dates. Only then will he ‘date her exclusively’. And only after that can they consider getting into a formal relationship or even marriage. V has been on many dates; he is yet to cross that fourth date with any woman. He got his four-date-rule from a random article he’d read.

Then, there is 27-year-old R, who is into ‘casual dating’ for now. Her struggle is to explain to her dates that she is not looking for anything serious and just wants to hang-out. R enjoys the company of men and she does not want to be apologetic about not wanting to get into a serious relationship or even date exclusively. Getting married is definitely on the cards for R, but only after she turns 30. She believes that the more she meets different people, the more she learns about herself and what kind of a partner she wants.

I also had a client, M, who was, and wanted to continue, ‘dating multiple people’ at the same time. This wasn’t an ideal scenario for anyone, including him. No matter how honest he was with the women he was dating about not being exclusive, he could not get away from the emotional toll it took on these women and him.

This only drives home the point that, even if you are going on regular dates with someone, you can’t assume that they are only dating you, or they are serious about getting into a relationship with you.

As of now, this is the happy path of dating: first you go on a few dates, if both people want to take things forward then you start dating exclusively. Once that hurdle is crossed, then you get into a committed relationship. This may or may not lead to marriage.

Also Read: How kids help moms balance dating, motherhood

The exhausting part of this, however, is the stage where one does not know what is going on, and is not sure when or how to ask. I can’t think of even one of my single clients, amongst the thousands, who have not been frustrated by the ambiguity involved in dating. First, it’s very difficult to find someone you actually like and are attracted to. And then if you’ve been on a few great dates, you don’t know if you are exclusively dating each other. Often, when one partner does bring up the fact that they are not dating other people while dating each other, they are met with an unexpected reaction— “Oh, I didn’t know we were supposed to be exclusive!” or “I think it’s too soon to go in that direction”, or worse, they get ghosted.

The fact and issue is that people, as we have also seen in the cases mentioned above, tend to define dating as what works for them in that particular phase of life. Like most things, this too can be addressed with the tool of communication.

I highly recommend talking about this if you are dating someone and are getting interested in pursuing a relationship with them. Get clarity on what dating means to both of you — it will save you a lot of heartache. The outcome of the discussion might mean you stop dating altogether or it might end up, like it did for a few of my clients, becoming a bonding experience. We all have enough and more dating stories we can relate to. This then can lead to forming a relationship.

So, get the clarity you need in a polite, graceful or even a humorous manner (never in a frustrated manner), to not become averse to dating — it is, after all, perhaps the most effective way of getting into a relationship.

This is a limited series by Simran Mangharam, a dating and relationship coach, who can be reached on simran@floh.in

  • FIRST PUBLISHED

    24.09.2022 | 01:00 PM IST

  • TOPICS

    Tough Love

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What, actually, does dating mean? (2024)

FAQs

What, actually, does dating mean? ›

Dating is really more of a steppingstone to get into a relationship, where one gets to know someone romantically. Being in a relationship comes much later — where the dating partners do not wish to date other people, have now committed to each other, and intend to cultivate their shared connection.

What is the real meaning of dating? ›

While the term dating has many meanings, the most common refers to a trial period in which two people explore whether to take the relationship further towards a more permanent relationship; in this sense, dating refers to the time when people are physically together in public as opposed to the earlier time period in ...

What does date mean exactly? ›

Date comes from the Latin datus, "given," because in ancient Rome when people wrote letters or decrees, they'd say, "given ("data") May 1st" (for example). Date can mean a day of each year, like May 1st, or one historical day, like May 1st, 1873. You make a date to meet someone for dinner. You date your letter.

What does it mean if you're dating? ›

At loveisrespect.org, we define “dating” as two people in an intimate relationship. The relationship may be sexual, but it does not have to be.

What does it mean to be officially dating someone? ›

Like all things in the dating world, making a relationship official can mean different things for different people. Generally, though, “going official” is when you choose to be in a committed relationship with someone else. Up until this point, you may have been casually talking, hooking up, or going on dates — or not!

What is a relationship vs dating? ›

Essentially, dating means you're still testing out the waters while a relationship means you're on the same long-term trajectory together. To get to the bottom of these sometimes shaky lines, we've dived deeper into the definitions to try and help you out!

Does dating mean you're in a relationship? ›

The dating phase is usually categorized by a few weeks or months. It refers to a recent association between two people who are exploring the possibility of being in a relationship with each other. The difference between a relationship and dating is that a relationship is a long-term commitment.

What counts as dating? ›

Status: In a Relationship She Says: “Dating is actively pursuing or courting someone with the intention of being together, whether that be marriage or another form of long-term commitment.

Are we dating or just hooking up? ›

"You are consistently making time for each other to cultivate your relationship as a couple." If you and your partner hang out from time to time and then you don't see or hear from them for a while, only to receive a random text from them again on a whim, you're probably just hooking up or are friends with benefits.

At what point is dating a relationship? ›

Overall, couples should know enough about each other and feel confident they see a future together. They should also feel like the relationship has a strong foundation to build on. As a rough rule, two months in should be a safe amount of time to broach the subject, Stott said.

What is dating but not official? ›

“Exclusive but not in a relationship” means:

One party actively asking to be “exclusive” but NOT “in a relationship” Usually in response to other party asking about current status of romantic situation. Other party agrees, possibly reluctantly, with idea that this is a step to relationship.

At what point are you officially dating? ›

Around 1-3 months is considered “normal” for most couples.

Many long-term couples made it official after a few months of casual dating. It's perfectly fine to pull the trigger earlier if you're both on board, though.

What constitutes a dating relationship? ›

A “dating relationship” is a romantic or intimate relationship, or a relationship which has romance or intimacy as a goal by one or both parties. A dating relationship does not have to involve sexual intimacy.

What is the main point of dating? ›

The goal of dating is to get to know each other, have fun together, discover similarities, and learn about life expectations, goals, and dreams. Focusing on seeking pleasure instead could cloud judgment. The time to have a talk about your limits is not in the middle of a heated make-out session.

Is there a difference between courting and dating? ›

Things You Should Know. Courtship is more serious and traditional than dating. It involves getting to know your partner with the expectation that marriage is the end goal. Dating is a broad term that can mean many things, including casual dating, hooking up, or being in a long-term relationship.

How do you date someone? ›

Dating means two people have mutually decided to see each other exclusively. In many cases, people find dates by using online platforms, going to a bar or club, or asking a close friend to set them up. Engage in light, fun conversation before going on a date, and maintain a positive attitude throughout.

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