When I was a kid, I overheard my aunt telling my mom her stomach churned every time she asked my uncle for money. As a stay at home mom in the 1970s, she didn’t have her own money, and back then it wasn’t as simple as getting her own credit card. So before bedtime, she would tell my uncle she needed $20 for groceries the next day.
Luckily, my uncle never said no, and she would find what she asked for on the kitchen table the next morning, generally with a little extra, savingher the humiliation of being handed the money patronizingly. And she was able to save a little here and there to buy her things.
Can you imagine having to ask for permission every time you need tampons or new underwear? How about buying your husband a birthday gift, with his own money?
Witnessing that conversation was one of my defining money moments. I swore to myself I would never have to go through that.
I took it so seriously I never allowed a man to use money as a power tool. When I date someone, we go 50-50. I have bought property and started a business with a boyfriend, 50-50. I hate keeping track of every centI spend, so usually we keep a rough tally, and maybe it is 47-53, or when it came to sharing a house and a business, we would put the same amount into a joint account, and then add some more when needed. Still, I am happy as I put my fair share into the relationship.
When I travel with my partner, sometimes we exchange local currency, and he keeps it. I get annoyed having to ask for cash to go buy something, even if I am entitled to 50% of it. I am aware my ways are a bit extreme. I even have a hard time receiving a gift that obviously cost much more than the gift I gave. But if I didn’t have my own money, I wouldn’t feel comfortable being entirely dependent on a man, like a child.
Some couples work well on having the biggest earner pay the bigger share of the bills. My business partner was worth about 10 times more than I was when we bought the house. Should I have put 10% of the purchase price, while he would fork out 90%? For some reason, I wouldn’t feel at home. Which is funny, because when we broke up and I bought his half of the house, he said he wouldn’t be at ease sleeping there if we made up, since I was now the owner. I guess we were a good financial match!
The only relationship that was uneven was when I dated a broke student. He would pay half of the day-to-day expenses, but if I wanted to go somewhere nice on holidays, he would pay half of a basic hotel, and I would cover the rest. I didn’t mind as otherwise, I would have gone alone, and paid 100% of the room. I wouldn’t have felt at ease paying part of his rent or groceries though.
What I want to avoid the most in paying for my half of the relationship, is resentment. In the case of my aunt, my uncle could easily have said “I work all day and you spent $15 on nail polish!”. Even if it is all rainbows and unicorns at the beginning of the relationship, it can turn sour very quickly. My sister was married for six years, and her husband made more. They had a lifestyle my sister couldn’t have afforded had they gone 50-50. When they got divorced, there were a lot of money questions raised, my brother-in-law was resentful of my sister for not working enough, and it was hard for my sister to go from a big four bedroom house with a garden to a tiny 400sqft apartment, which was what she could really pay for on her own.
The reasons why I am a financially independence woman, and will never let a man support me. Click to Tweet
I don’t want to live in an artificial bubble where I think I am entitled to more than I can actually afford. And even if I can afford it, I want my spending to be in line with my values. Being a financially independent woman means supporting my lifestyle, not trying to live like someone else. My rich ex was often complaining I didn’t want to spend $150 on dinner on a random Friday nightor buy more clothes if mine still looked good. But I wouldn’t let him pay for it either, be it his or my money, I still considered it wasteful.
Your financial agreement within your relationship is yours and yours only. I just talked about what works for me, you may be happy paying more, or paying what you can afford, while your partner pays the lion share. Just make sure it doesn’t lead to resentment down the road.
FAQs
Better financial security: Being in control of their finances give women better clarity and visibility in terms of their financial security. It gives them the opportunity to make choices without any economic constraint and neither are they dependent on anyone for deciding on what is important for them.
Why do I want to be financially independent? ›
Greater financial security
Being financially independent means you are in a better position to ensure you don't find yourself at the mercy of these factors. When you're financially independent, you can choose roles that suit your approach to risk rather than being dependent on a salary.
What happens when you become financially independent? ›
A lifestyle where your monthly income exceeds your expenses is paramount for financial independence. It's impossible to get ahead and build your savings if your budget ends in the red each month. This status also means you're independent of others, such as your parents, to help cover your bills.
How much money makes you financially independent? ›
It doesn't take an exorbitant salary, either. Americans say they'd need to earn about $94,000 a year on average to feel financially independent. That's about $20,000 more than the median household income of $74,580.
Why should a woman be financially independent quotes? ›
"Money is only a tool. It will take you wherever you wish, but it will not replace you as the driver," — Ayn Rand, novelist and philosopher. “A woman's best protection is a little money of her own,” — Clare Booth Luce, American author and US ambassador.
What are the benefits of being independent as a woman? ›
Being independent boosts a woman's confidence and self-esteem. Accomplishing tasks independently, whether handling finances, pursuing education, or managing a household, instills a sense of achievement that enhances self-worth.
What is the goal of financially independent? ›
Financial independence is a goal that many people aspire to achieve. It represents the ability to live life on your own terms, without being dependent on a paycheck or worrying about financial constraints. However, achieving financial independence requires careful planning and disciplined execution.
How do I declare myself financially independent? ›
To prove your financial independence, you must be able to document that you have been totally self-sufficient for one full year prior to the residence determination date, supporting yourself, for example, through jobs, financial aid, commercial/institutional loans in your name only, and documentable savings from your ...
How do I say I am financially independent? ›
Being financially independent means having sufficient income, savings, or investments to live comfortably for life and meet all of one's obligations without relying on a paycheck.
When can I say I am financially independent? ›
Financial independence is a state where an individual or household has accumulated sufficient financial resources to cover its living expenses without having to depend on active employment or work to earn money in order to maintain its current lifestyle.
Financial independence is basically being in a place where you don't rely on a paycheck to survive. It's about having enough money saved or invested to cover your expenses. Imagine having the freedom to follow your passions, travel the world, or spend time with loved ones without worrying about money.
At what age do most become financially independent? ›
Among the key findings: 45% of young adults say they are completely financially independent from their parents. Among those in their early 30s, that share rises to 67%, compared with 44% of those ages 25 to 29 and 16% of those ages 18 to 24.
Is it good to be financially independent? ›
Someone who is financially independent is not reliant on others or employment to meet their needs. Instead, they rely on their assets and the income those assets generate to live a comfortable life. If you achieve this type of financial freedom, you may decide to retire early.
Should a married woman be financially independent? ›
When women do not have their own financial lives and their independence in marriage, it can lead to a skewed relationship. To avoid major relationship imbalances, we always recommend women empower themselves – financially – in terms of earning potential, financial literacy, and financial decision making.
What does it mean to be financially stable woman? ›
A simple definition of financial stability is being able to comfortably live every month without worrying about money. You don't overspend but you still enjoy doing things you love to do. You pay your bills on time and you have an emergency fund in place.
What is a nice quote for an independent woman? ›
"An independent woman is a masterpiece in progress, constantly evolving and growing." "She is not a damsel in distress; she is the author of her own story." "The beauty of an independent woman is not in her independence alone, but in the way she lifts others up with her."
Why a man wants an independent woman? ›
This confidence can be incredibly attractive to men, as it shows that the woman is self-assured and capable of handling any challenges that may come her way. A man who is with an independent woman is likely to feel more secure and supported, knowing that his partner is confident in herself and her abilities.
