A lot of attention gets paid to men’s red flags, but if you learn how to spot these red flags in women, you’ll save yourself a lot of relationship grief.
She looks perfect. She’s everything you wanted in a partner, but some things about her make you second-guess yourself. You’re picking up on some of the relationship red flags in women and it’s setting off your internal alarm system.
When you know how to spot the significant red flags, you save yourself a lot of drama and toxicity in the relationship. It prevents you from making a huge mistake and dating the wrong person. [Read: 36 signs of disrespect in a relationship that reveal a lack of love and respect]
Why is it important to spot common red flags in a woman?
Knowing how to spot red flags can save you a lot of trouble in your relationship. We often end up in toxic and/or manipulative relationships because we fail to spot the bad signs early on.
We’re so blinded by somebody’s good qualities that we completely ignore the red flashing lights, even if they’re obvious.
These red flags don’t just go for men but also for women. When you know to spot relationship red flags in women, it prevents you from being in the wrong relationship.
For instance, having different values is already a red flag you should never ignore.
Many guys get into a relationship thinking they can change her mind, but that rarely happens. Most often, it’s the guy that ends up changing for her because of those contrasting values. [Read: 45 big relationship red flags most people completely ignore early on]
Red flags in women you should never ignore
There are some things you shouldn’t accept in a relationship. Of course, she will do some quirks that may annoy you, but they’re not harmful to you or your relationship, so it doesn’t mean they’re red flags – like if she snorts when she laughs or forgets where she puts her keys.
Those aren’t things to worry about. But if she’s rude to her family, never apologizes for her bad behavior, or belittles you on a daily basis, then this is definitely something you need to take a look at.
In other words, those are some serious red flags. To help you make sure you stay safe and away from falling into intimacy with an abuser, scroll through these red flags in women that one should never ignore. [Read: Toxic relationship – what it is, 107 signs, causes, and types of love that hurt you]
1. She’s abusive in any way
Physical, verbal, emotional—if she is abusive in any way, then that is a massive red flag that you shouldn’t ignore.
But unfortunately, this is much easier said than done. We wish we could just say to avoid abusive people, and that would be that, but abusers are usually good at hiding their abusive behavior until you’re in their trap. But, there are some things, even early on, that you can be on the lookout for.
For instance, she might not start with physical abuse instantly, but does she threaten it? Does she try to make you feel guilty for little things like rescheduling a date or spending time with your friends? Or does she call you mean names, even though she says it’s all in jest?
These all might seem like small things now, but that’s what abusers do—they start small so that when they start progressing to more harmful abuse, you’re more accepting of it. [Read: Verbally abusive relationship – 31 signs, dos, don’ts, and ways to get out ASAP]
Now, this doesn’t make her a terrible person, but it definitely will lead to a dead end in your romance eventually.
If you want to have a healthy and happy relationship, you should aim to find someone who shares similar values. They say that opposites attract, but this isn’t entirely true.
When your values and beliefs reflect the essence of who you are, it’s crucial to find someone who at least shares some of those beliefs. If you value family and want to have children one day, then look for a woman who wants those things.
If she’s told you she doesn’t want kids, then you two aren’t on the same page.You can’t change her mind, and it’s not your responsibility to do so. This is something that you might want to consider whenever you’re looking for a partner. [Read: 15 signs she’s not emotionally ready to be in a relationship with you]
3. She’s violent when upset
Maybe you argued. It’s not something unusual, every relationship has its moments. But instead of talking things out with you, she’ll punch you into oblivion or throw things at you.
The scary thing about this is you usually won’t spot this red flag right away, at least not until the infatuation wears off and you start to see things clearly.
If she tends to be highly aggressive when angry, you don’t need a relationship expert to know that’s an automatic major red flag you should never disregard. [Read: Ways to handle dating someone with anger issues]
4. You have completely different lifestyles
It’s not an unhealthy red flag, but it matters just as much once you start dating someone. So if you’re seeing this girl and you happen to have contrasting lifestyles, you’ll rarely go the distance. One of you will end up sacrificing and adjusting for the other.
But if you are both set in your lifestyles and aren’t interested in changing, then this isn’t going to work. If she doesn’t want to live a similar life to you, then there will be a constant struggle. [Read: Do opposites attract or push each other away? The must-know truths]
5. She just left a serious relationship
This is one of the biggest red flags in women guys tend to ignore, but it’s a massive one. When it comes to fresh breakups, do not attempt to get into a relationship with her. She hasn’t moved on — it’s only been a week.
She needs time to heal, so the fact that she’s already dating means she’s trying to use you as a rebound or a fling. Even if you end up successfully dating, she’ll just end up projecting all her issues and heartbreak on you.
If the person you’re dating is dealing with a fresh break *and she talks about their ex a lot*, don’t push the relationship further. [Read: Rebound guy – 19 signs and ways to avoid a girl who’s hooked to her ex]
6. She says all her exes were jerks
This is equivalent to men saying all their exes were crazy. How could all of someone’s exes be either crazy or jerks? This is one of the things women say that is a major red flag.
Maybe they were all jerks, so it should make you thinkwhyshe goes for those types of men. This could also mean she doesn’t always take responsibility for her actions and shifts blame onto others.
It could also mean that her exes weren’t the jerks, but she was. We never really admit our faults in a breakup, right? It’s much easier to blame the other person, even when it takes two for a breakup to occur.
7. You’ve caught her lying
Honesty is a crucial factor in healthy relationships. If you’ve caught her in a lie, be it about texting a specific person or going to places she shouldn’t be, this isn’t something you should overlook.
Of course, we all say white lies, but even those are tricky. Lying will always be a relationship red flag to watch for, no matter the excuse.
The fact that she had the audacity to lie to you *assuming it’s not something minor like how you look or your outfit*, then it’s a red flag you shouldn’t ignore.
This might even mean she’s that used to lying, and she feels no remorse whatsoever for it. [Read: Pathological liar – what causes it and 55 signs and ways to help them change]
8. It’s her way or the highway
When going into a new relationship with someone, you want to be with someone who can compromise for the good of the relationship.
This also means you should be willing to compromise as well.This is one of the red flags for women that’s such a deal breaker in relationships, especially since compromise is everything.
If she refuses to work on meeting you halfway or comes up with a lame excuse to always get things her way, she might be incapable of compromise, and that’s something that should send you running for the hills. [Read: Selfish people – 20 ways to spot them and stop them from draining you]
9. She’s disrespectful to her parents
Our parents aren’t perfect, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t respect them. If she’s anywhere near rude and irrationally disrespectful to her parents, that’s an obvious red flag.
If she’s disrespectful to them, just think about how she may make you feel disrespected in the future.
This is another one of the red flags people often overlook. After all, it’s normal to have issues with our parents, right? Wrong. How she treats her parents is exactly how she’ll treat you when you get on her nerves. [Read: 51 warning signs of a bad first date and BIG red flags in the first few dates]
10. She quickly becomes obsessive
You just started seeing each other, but she’s already clingy and calling you every hour of the day and checking up on where you are. This could be a sign that you may not want to ignore.
It might seem cute, but it’s going to be a problem in your romantic relationship, especially if her behavior starts to affect your quality time with your friends and family, or even your work.
There’s a difference between checking up on you because she misses you and flooding you with a hundred texts because she’s obsessive. Do yourself a favor and don’t ignore this red flag – you’ll thank us in the long run! [Read: 37 warning signs you have an overly obsessed girlfriend]
11. She doesn’t take responsibility for her behavior
Maybe she was rude to a waiter or she confided in other people about a friend’s secret. She could apologize and learn from her mistakes, or she could deflect from the situation and place the blame on someone else.
You need a partner who knows how to be accountable for what they did and takes responsibility for it. So when someone makes a mistake and always blames anyone but themselves, that’s one of the red flags you should never ignore.
12. She’s unappreciative
You pick her up from work every day. Or you cook dinner for her. Whatever you do, all these actions show you care and appreciate her.
But appreciation is a two-way street. It’s already a red flag if she doesn’t know how to appreciate your efforts just because they’re not in the form of grand gestures or material things.
If you don’t feel appreciated and she never says “thank you” when you go out of your way for her, she’s clearly an unappreciative person by nature. [Read: Being taken for granted? 71 BIG signs, why it happens, and how to stop them]
13. She’s already used the “L” word
There’s no standard timeframe on when to say you love someone for the first time. But if it’s only been a couple of dates, things escalate ultra-fast and she’s throwing out the “L” word like it’s nothing, it’s a tick on the red flag checklist.
The word “love” isn’t something anyone should use lightly, ever. It’s a big word to use in a relationship, and the fact that she’s using it lightly means she doesn’t mean it.[Read: Love bombing – what it is, how it works, and 21 signs you’re being manipulated]
14. She makes you feel bad about yourself
When you’re dating someone, they should make you feel like you’re on top of the world. Instead, she criticizes you and brings down your self-esteem, making you feel unattractive.
She brings out your insecurities and makes you feel worse than you already do. Don’t let her.
This is one of the red flags in women that you should never ignore. A partner’s role is to support you and make you feel validated. Not to put you down and make you feel less of a person. She doesn’t want to make you smile, she wants to feel superior. [Read: 15 worst types of bad girlfriends who will make your life a living hell]
15. She puts you on a pedestal
While it can feel good initially, being put on a pedestal is never a good thing. It can actually open a whole host of problems. When you do something wrong, you’ll feel just why it’s a red flag in dating you should watch out for.
She believes you’re perfect and can do no harm, so when you actually do something imperfect and flawed, you’ll receive her disappointment. In other words, her expectations of you are so high that it puts pressure on nobody else but you.
16. She doesn’t respect your boundaries
No matter what, boundaries will always be significant in a relationship. It teaches the other person how to respect and love you accordingly.
So when she doesn’t respect your boundaries, it’s one of the red flags in women you should watch out for.
The fact that they don’t respect your boundaries is a signal that they’re also not respecting you as a person. Our expert tip? Don’t feel afraid to leave. [Read: ]
17. Your friends and family don’t like her
We love thinking that love can conquer all—that it’s that powerful. However, if your friends and family all don’t like her, then there’s something wrong with her to begin with.
It’s easy to be blinded by love, after all. But if all your friends and family don’t get along with her, then it’s worth looking into.
There’s something they clearly see that you don’t. That’s why it’s one of the biggest red flags in women you should never ignore. If they don’t like her, listen to your loved ones.
18. She has no work ethic
If she’s never stuck around in a company or worked for a long period, it’s a red flag. This means she gets bored quickly, has no goals and ambitions, or has no work ethic.
A person’s work ethic isn’t everything, sure. But you can already foresee how the relationship will go if you date someone without a work ethic.
You need to date someone who shares your level of ambition if you don’t want this to be a big problem later on. [Read: Dating a workaholic – 20 signs and tips to maintain a happy relationship]
19. She cheated on her last partner for you
Cheating will always be a red flag, no matter what. But if she cheated on her last partner to be with you, it’s one of the biggest red flags in women you can’t ignore.
The fact that she cheated on her partner to be with you means she can do it again. If you think you’re lucky because she chose you, think again. Cheating is one of the biggest red flags a partner can have. [Read: 71 reasons why women cheat in relationships and how to read her mind]
20. She always guilt trips you
Guilt is the emotion manipulators and narcissists use most often because they know it works every time. If she loves using that sad face to get what she wants every time, it’s a form of controlling behavior. Plus, it’s a glaring sign of narcissism.
A relationship should never be about emotional abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, and guilt-tripping. These toxic behaviors can easily cause the relationship to become abusive.
21. There’s an apparent double standard
She doesn’t want to be treated a certain way, but it’s okay when she treats you that way. These double standards are never healthy and should never be observed in relationships.
This is one of the red flags in women that should make you walk away from the relationship and call it quits immediately. [Read: 33 toxic signs of double standards in a relationship and ways to deal with it]
22. She doesn’t like your relationships with family and friends
You’re too close to your sister, you have an unhealthy attachment to your parents, and your friends are mean jerks who don’t have your back.
If the woman you’re dating is telling you all of this, this might be a red flag. Especially if no one else has made the same kind of comments.
She’s planting seeds of doubt into all of your other relationships as a way of isolating you and having you to her controlling self. [Read: Controlling people – 32 common traits, signs, and ways to deal with them]
23. She’s a narcissist
Spotting a narcissist can be hard. But, if you know the signs, or you just have a gut feeling, then that’s not something to ignore.
If she only cares about herself, shows little to no empathy for you, and gives you the general feeling that she would easily put you down if it meant fulfilling her own needs, she might be a narcissist. And it might be time to call the relationship quits. [Read: Narcissistic relationship – 36 signs, how it feels, patterns, and how to end it]
24. She gaslights you
Building on the narcissist point, one certain red flag in women is gaslighting. In short, gaslighting is when someone tries to make you doubt yourself, your memory, and your own actions.
They’ll lie, spin the truth so that you look like the guilty one, and make you rethink yourself at every step. It’s a horrible tactic that’s used to make you feel like you’re crazy, and that you need to depend on them since you’re clearly so “unreliable”.
25. Constant defensiveness
When you try to bring up her actions or her red flags, she instantly gets defensive. Maybe she tries to say that you’re the one with the red flags, that you’re “too sensitive,” or some other excuse. Either way, she refuses to listen to you and instead gets on the defense.
26. She tells you other people’s deepest secrets
If she’s so quick to tell you about other people’s most private secrets, do you think she’s not telling other people your secrets?
If she’s more than just a gossip and she’s tattling on everyone, it shows a lack of respect for others that absolutely includes you. This is one of those red flags in women that you absolutely shouldn’t ignore.
27. Your affections or actions aren’t reciprocated
They say that there are givers and takers in a relationship. However, there is a line that can be crossed where the taker is taking just too much and not giving any back. [Read: 30 signs of a one-sided relationship and how to fix it before it ends]
If you’re dating someone who takes taking to the extreme, and you feel like you’re in a one-sided relationship, you don’t have to put up with that!
28. You can’t escape her jealousy
Some people might think that jealousy in a relationship is cute in a way. But extreme jealousy and possessiveness aren’t cute, they’re toxic.
So, if you’re dating a woman who gets jealous over the smallest thing, like the married woman you work with or the barista who smiles at you as she hands you your coffee, it isn’t cute. It’s a serious red flag that you should heed. [Read: Jealousy in a relationship – how to accept, deal, and overcome it in love]
29. She’s pessimistic all the time
The glass is never half full. The glass is half empty, the world is ending, and she’s never happy. Negative Nancy’s like this just can’t be helped, because as miserable as they are, they don’t want to change.
That’s all good and fine for her, but spending time with these people can be draining for those around them. For your own sake, you should find someone who sees the world with the same kind of optimism as you. [Read: How to be less critical – 15 reasons why you judge and how to stop it]
30. She has mental health problems that she refuses to address
Struggling with your mental health is never easy. After all, they call it a struggle for a reason! But, there comes a point where you just have to seek professional help to get you over these hurdles.
If you’re dating a woman who is struggling with mental health problems and she either doesn’t go to therapy or doesn’t even acknowledge that she’s struggling with her mental health, you’ll have to face the brunt of that.
All her frustrations, her struggles, and her problems will be redirected to you, and you’ll end up playing the role of partner and therapist all in one. That’s more work than you should take on, so don’t ignore this red flag. [Read: Why we need to breakdown the stigma of mental illness]
31. She stonewalls you
Your first argument is going to be difficult for both of you. But, if your girlfriend doesn’t know how to handle conflict and instead just stonewalls you, that doesn’t exactly indicate the start of a healthy and communicative relationship. [Read: Why fighting in a relationship is important and how to do it right]
Stonewalling is when your partner completely shuts you out, gives you the silent treatment, and doesn’t respond to you at all. This can be incredibly hard to work around, for obvious reasons, and it really isn’t a healthy way to deal with conflict in a relationship.
32. She has unresolved trauma
Family issues, bad past relationship experiences, and problems in her personal life. If she’s carrying a lot of emotional baggage with her, that could be a red flag. Any unresolved trauma could cause problems in your relationship, such as issues with trust, jealousy, vulnerability, or respecting boundaries.
Especially if she’s doing nothing to overcome or resolve her past trauma, she might not be ready for a serious relationship just yet.
33. She calls you names
Name-calling in a relationship is just plain immature, disrespectful, and outright horrible. Under no circ*mstances is it forgivable or even allowed, so you shouldn’t put up with it.
34. She wants to change you
No one should be with you because they think that they can change you into being “good enough” for them. You should be good enough from the very beginning.
So, believe in yourself. If someone wants to change you, they shouldn’t be given a spot in your life. [Read: 34 life-changing steps to fall in love with yourself all over again]
Can you spot any of these red flags?
If you think you can now spot the red flags in women, major kudos to you!
You’ll do yourself a favor by spotting red flags early on in the relationship. This prevents a lot of heartbreak and devastation on your end, all because you dated the wrong woman and wasted your time.
[Read: 59 signs it’s time to break up and give up instead of trying to fix a relationship]
When dating, make sure you look out for these red flags in women. Disregarding these red flags because you chose to focus on the good in someone will cost you later on!
Liked what you just read? Follow us on Instagram Facebook Twitter Pinterest and we promise, we’ll be your lucky charm to a beautiful love life. And while you’re at it, check out MIRL, a cool new social networking app that connects experts and seekers!
