Should My Boyfriend Tell Me What to Wear? 3 Reasons Why He Shouldn't (2024)

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1Is it okay for your boyfriend to choose what you wear?

2Why Your Partner Shouldn't be Choosing Your Clothes

3Why Your Boyfriend Tries to Tell You What to Wear

4What to Do If Your Boyfriend Tells You What to Wear

5Is there any valid reason for your boyfriend asking you to change your clothes?

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Co-authored byJay Reid, LPCCand Eric McClure

Last Updated: May 18, 2022References

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If your boyfriend has been telling you what you can and can't wear, you may be feeling confused, taken aback, and hurt. It's never okay for anyone to tell you what you can wear, let alone your boyfriend. Everyone has the right to decide that for themselves. Keep reading to learn why it's a red flag when someone tries to tell you what to wear, plus how you can stand up for yourself and stop it from continuing.

Section 1 of 5:

Is it okay for your boyfriend to choose what you wear?

  1. No, that’s not normal or healthy behavior. In a healthy relationship, one partner doesn’t control what the other person gets to wear.[1] What you wear should be completely up to you—it’s your wardrobe and your body! If your boyfriend is telling you otherwise, that is a red flag.[2]

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Section 2 of 5:

Why Your Partner Shouldn't be Choosing Your Clothes

  1. 1

    It’s your body. No one should tell you what to do with your body, including what food to eat, what hairstyle to have, or what clothes to wear. Everyone has the right to make decisions for themselves when it comes to their own body and what clothes they choose to live in.[3]

  2. 2

    It's up to you how you express yourself. Your appearance is an expression of who you are. The reason people dress the way they do goes back to how they feel about themselves, and how they want others to see them. You have sole authority over how you present yourself.[4]

  3. 3

    It’s unfair to you. When someone tells you what to wear, it implies that you’re incapable of making that decision for yourself, which isn't true. It’s not fair for your boyfriend to suggest that you can’t pick your own outfits.[5]

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Section 3 of 5:

Why Your Boyfriend Tries to Tell You What to Wear

  1. 1

    He may be insecure. Some men try to control what their partner wears because they're insecure and worried about their partner getting attention from other people because of their clothes.[6] However, just because someone is insecure doesn't mean they get to dictate what their partner can and can't wear.[7]

    • If your boyfriend is normally possessive or needs a lot of reassurance that you like him, it's likely that he's insecure.
  2. 2

    He might be controlling. If a man tells you what to wear, that's a red flag that he may be controlling and even potentially abusive. Keep your eye out for other red flags including:[8][9]

    • He humiliates or insults you. He comments on your weight and looks constantly.
    • He demands your attention or requires you to behave a certain way towards him.
    • He blames you for things you have no control over.
    • He threatens you, or gives you ultimatums.
  3. 3

    He may have regressive attitudes towards women and sex. Some men think that there’s something wrong with women wearing revealing clothing. They wrongly believe that the way a woman dresses means they’re promiscuous. If this is where your boyfriend is coming from, he may have some problematic and misguided beliefs.[10]

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Section 4 of 5:

What to Do If Your Boyfriend Tells You What to Wear

  1. 1

    Tell him that you don’t appreciate it. Stand up to him and make it clear that you aren’t comfortable with him telling you how to dress. You can be curt and straightforward if you want to really put your foot down, or laugh it off for a more dismissive approach. Just make it clear that this isn’t okay.[11] You might say:

    • “You don’t get to tell me what to wear.”
    • “I appreciate the suggestion, but I’ll pass.”
    • “Why do you think it’s appropriate to tell me what to wear?”
    • “I’m not a doll you get to dress up. Please don’t do that.”
  2. 2

    Have a conversation about why he thinks this is okay. Ask him to explain why he thinks what he’s doing is appropriate so that you can work through this together. Maybe he doesn’t understand why this would be rude, or maybe he did a poor job of communicating and didn’t mean it. This can also separate abusive guys from guys who just don’t understand why they’re saying something rude.[12]

    • You might say, “Hey, why did you do that? You get why telling me what to wear is kind of insulting, right? What was going through your head there.”
    • A reasonable guy might say, “Sorry, I was trying to be funny; we’re going to a formal dinner and I don’t think they’ll let you in with sandals. I wasn’t trying to insult you.”
    • An abusive jerk might go, “I didn’t like what you’re wearing. It’s too revealing. Change.”
  3. 3

    Consider leaving the relationship if your boyfriend is controlling. It is completely reasonable to break up with someone who thinks it’s okay to tell you what you are or are not allowed to wear. If you take this as a sign that it’s time to pack your bags and leave, don’t blame yourself.[13]

    • This is a major red flag and if it’s early in the relationship, it’s an especially bad sign.
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Section 5 of 5:

Is there any valid reason for your boyfriend asking you to change your clothes?

  1. 1

    It’s reasonable if you’re attending an event with a dress code. If you happen to be going to an event with a dress code and you either didn’t get the memo or you misinterpreted what the dress code was, it’s okay for him to ask if you’d be able to change your clothes. He still shouldn’t be making demands though, so the wording matters quite a bit here.

    • For example, “Hey, they mentioned it’s black tie only on the invitation. Do you think your red dress works?” is a totally reasonable comment.
    • If he says something like, “You can’t wear that top. It’s inappropriate,” this may be a red flag.
  2. 2

    It’s okay if he suggests something kindly because he’s attracted to it. If your boyfriend playfully asks you to wear “that cute red dress,” he’s flirting in a playful way (and he thinks you’re hot in that dress). It’s normal for people to say things like this when they’re comfortable with their partner, so unless he’s making demands, this one isn’t a big deal.[14]

    • So long as he isn’t dictating what you wear and merely making a request, he’s probably not a bad guy. With that said, feel free to speak up if it makes you uncomfortable when he does this.
  3. 3

    It’s fine if you like his advice or you enjoy him telling you what to wear. Everybody is different, and if you happen to find your boyfriend’s suggestions and ideas helpful, it’s okay! Alternatively, if you’re the kind of person who actually really likes it when your boyfriend “dresses you up,” that’s alright, too. So long as you consent to this, you’re happy, and he’s not a controlling jerk, you shouldn’t feel bad about this arrangement.[15]

    • Hey, if you’ve got a crazy stylish boyfriend or he designs clothes for a living, maybe you appreciate his comments!
    • There are girls out there who really enjoy being submissive and actively seek out partners who are slightly “controlling” in this way. If that’s you, don’t feel guilty about it!
    • Again, he still shouldn’t be demanding that you dress a certain way. These should be suggestions.
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      More References (6)

      1. https://www.glamour.com/story/boyfriend-asked-not-wear-bikini
      2. https://www.glamour.com/story/boyfriend-asked-not-wear-bikini
      3. https://madamenoire.com/508861/is-this-petty-boyfriend-fashion/
      4. Jay Reid, LPCC. Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor. Expert Interview. 7 August 2020.
      5. Lia Huynh, LMFT. Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 5 May 2022.
      6. https://repeller.com/styling-tips-from-my-boyfriend/

      About This Article

      Should My Boyfriend Tell Me What to Wear? 3 Reasons Why He Shouldn't (30)

      Co-authored by:

      Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor

      This article was co-authored by Jay Reid, LPCC and by wikiHow staff writer, Eric McClure. Jay Reid is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC) in private practice in San Francisco, CA. He specializes in helping clients who have survived a narcissistic parent or partner. Treatment focuses upon helping clients identify and challenge self-diminishing beliefs as a result of narcissistic abuse. Jay holds a BA in Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania and an MS in Clinical Psychology from Penn State University. This article has been viewed 38,035 times.

      26 votes - 49%

      Co-authors: 5

      Updated: May 18, 2022

      Views:38,035

      Categories: Relationships

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      Should My Boyfriend Tell Me What to Wear? 3 Reasons Why He Shouldn't (2024)

      FAQs

      Is it okay for my boyfriend to tell me what I can and cant wear? ›

      No, that's not normal or healthy behavior.

      In a healthy relationship, one partner doesn't control what the other person gets to wear. What you wear should be completely up to you—it's your wardrobe and your body! If your boyfriend is telling you otherwise, that is a red flag.

      Why does my boyfriend not let me wear certain clothes? ›

      #1 He is insecure

      He feels insecure and feels you might leave him when you come across someone more qualified than him. A cause of such insecurities is dating application which has made finding another partner easy. The insecurities become stronger if your personality isn't inclined with one another.

      Why does my boyfriend tell me what I can't wear? ›

      Maybe he tells you what to wear because: 1) he cares a lot; 2) he wants to be helpful in his own way; 3) he's being a control freak; 4) he likes to be bossy; 5) he does have really good suggestions at what he does.

      What to do when your boyfriend controls what you wear? ›

      You could say something like, “I feel uncomfortable when you try to police what I wear. This is my body and I'm going to express myself the way I want. If you're having feelings of jealousy that you want to discuss we can do that, but I'm not going to change how I dress.”

      Is it controlling for a man to tell you what to wear? ›

      If a guy tells you how to dress, then he is being possessive and controlling. He can buy you a shirt and tell you that you look nice, but him telling you how to dress and what to wear isn't healthy.

      What does a toxic boyfriend look like? ›

      What to Look For. Your relationship may be toxic if it is characterized by behaviors that make you feel unhappy, including disrespect, dishonesty, controlling behaviors, or a lack of support.

      How do you know if a man is trying to control you? ›

      Someone who checks your phone calls, emails, texts, social media, or belongings without asking you is someone who doesn't respect your boundaries. You're criticized constantly. Someone who's controlling is always trying to undermine your confidence and put you down in private or in public.

      How do you know if your boyfriend doesn't value you? ›

      In a relationship, one of the signs he doesn't value you is if he only calls when he doesn't have anything else happening. If he valued you, you would feel like you meant something in his life, appreciated, cared for, a sense of respect. You wouldn't be brushed to the side when a better opportunity comes along.

      What should you not share with your boyfriend? ›

      Don't worry, no one gets hurt.
      • Weird fantasies that you may have.
      • ex boyfriend" title="Things you did with your ex boyfriend" >Things you did with your ex boyfriend.
      • Family problems that are a bit too personal.
      • Everyday spats with people.
      • Anything to do with money.
      • Things he does for you that you don't like.
      May 11, 2017

      How do you know if your boyfriend isn't treating you right? ›

      20 Red Flags to Watch Out for in Your Relationship
      • They make you feel bad about yourself. ...
      • They have you second-guessing their feelings toward you. ...
      • They don't listen to you. ...
      • They don't support your goals. ...
      • They pressure you to get physical before you're ready. ...
      • The relationship is all about them.
      Sep 26, 2022

      What is Gaslighting in a relationship? ›

      What is gaslighting in a relationship? It's a form of psychological manipulation in which one person makes the other partner doubt his or her perceptions, experiences, memories, or understanding of events that happened.

      How to know when its time to break up? ›

      If your partner makes you angry, miserable, or bored often and if it is very hard for you to explain the reasons why you still love this person, it's an obvious sign that you should go your own path. If you feel suffocated in a relationship and if the negatives overshadow the positives, it's time to move on.

      What are pink flags in a relationship? ›

      Pink flags are common, especially in new relationships. Marriage therapists define them as gentle warnings that something is amiss between you and your partner; however, because they aren't as well-defined or blatant, we push them out of our minds or find excuses to explain them away.

      What is a controlling boyfriend like? ›

      A controlling boyfriend always wants to dominate the relationship. He forces his partner into doing things that he likes and does not respect her wishes. Care and overprotectiveness are different. If your boyfriend is watching all your moves and checking your phone often, it is certainly not a good sign.

      What are the first signs of a controlling person? ›

      Here's a look at 12 signs that might suggest someone has a controlling personality.
      • They make you think everything's your fault. ...
      • They criticize you all the time. ...
      • They don't want you to see the people you love. ...
      • They keep score. ...
      • They gaslight you. ...
      • They create drama. ...
      • They intimidate you. ...
      • They're moody.
      Nov 21, 2019

      What is considered controlling in a relationship? ›

      What is a Controlling Relationship? A controlling relationship is one where one partner dominates the other in an unhealthy, self-serving manner. If your partner constantly makes you feel intimidated, insecure, or guilty, you could be in a controlling relationship. And control in a relationship is a form of abuse.

      Is my boyfriend controlling and manipulative? ›

      They Make Dramatic Statements

      A manipulative person will often use dramatic statements like “I thought you of all people would understand” or “You're the only person I've ever loved.” If they attempt to wheedle, cry, or shame you into changing your mind, Carey says that's a sign of emotional manipulation.

      What are the signs of a toxic man? ›

      Signs of a Toxic Person
      • There Is Always Drama. Ever notice how drama seems to follow some people? ...
      • They Don't Respect Your Boundaries. Another sign of a toxic person is no boundaries. ...
      • They Manipulate Others for What They Want. Do you feel taken advantage of? ...
      • They Abuse Substances.
      Dec 18, 2022

      How does a toxic boyfriend behave? ›

      If a relationship stops bringing joy, and instead consistently makes you feel sad, angry, anxious or “resigned, like you've sold out,” it may be toxic, Glass says. You may also find yourself envious of happy couples. Fuller says negative shifts in your mental health, personality or self-esteem are all red flags, too.

      What are the 7 signs of a toxic relationship? ›

      Here's how to recognize seven signs of what is a toxic or abusive relationship and how to address those traits in healthy and safe ways.
      • Lack of trust. ...
      • Hostile communication. ...
      • Controlling behaviors. ...
      • Frequent lying. ...
      • All take, no give. ...
      • You feel drained. ...
      • You're making excuses for their behavior.
      Sep 23, 2022

      What are signs of disrespect in a relationship? ›

      Some behaviors of disrespect in relationships include nagging, criticism, stonewalling, lying, put downs, pressuring the other, disloyalty, and threats to end the relationship or marriage.

      Is My boyfriend gaslighting me? ›

      If your partner begins to call into question things you have said or done by saying they didn't happen, it's a sign they may be gaslighting you,” Klapow said. “Or they will make statements about things you have said or done that you know you didn't do. You may temporarily ask yourself 'Could this be true?

      What is Microcheating? ›

      Micro-cheating is the act of cultivating, in small ways, inappropriate intimate connections outside your relationship, according to couples therapist Alicia Muñoz, LPC.

      What are the signs your partner doesn't love you? ›

      He is no longer affectionate with you, physically or verbally. He no longer makes sweet or romantic gestures toward you. He doesn't say "I love you" anymore. He still says "I love you," but something about it feels hollow or forced, like he's just going through the motions.

      How do you know if your relationship is not worth fighting for? ›

      • 8 Signs Your Relationship Isn't Working (And Whether You Should Break Up or Fix It) ...
      • You're always fighting. ...
      • There's no intimacy. ...
      • Trust has taken a hit. ...
      • Jealousy is getting the better of you. ...
      • You don't spend much time together. ...
      • Your emotional needs aren't being met. ...
      • You're considering cheating (or you already have).
      Aug 22, 2019

      What things can harm a relationship? ›

      7 everyday behaviours that can harm a relationship, according to...
      • Hearing but not listening. ...
      • Not having enough 'me time' ...
      • Putting them down in public. ...
      • Insisting they hang out with your friends all the time. ...
      • Projecting your feelings onto your partner. ...
      • Being too critical. ...
      • Assuming instead of asking.
      Mar 17, 2017

      What are unhealthy things to do in a relationship? ›

      Lying, cheating, jealousy, and disrespect are signs of an unhealthy relationship. So is trying to control a partner. That includes: keeping track of where they are and who they hang out with.

      What things should be kept private in a relationship? ›

      Privacy between you and your partner
      • Financial problems that you and/or your spouse are having.
      • Details of your sex life.
      • Family issues the two of you are experiencing.
      • Pet peeves you have about your partner.
      • Sharing that you are trying to have children.
      • Things that make your partner feel insecure.
      Sep 13, 2021

      What are yellow flags in a relationship? ›

      Yellow flags in a relationship are early, subtle warning signs that could spare you the pain of facing a red flag, such as putting you down or making fun of you. What is this? These yellow flags represent attempts to control or manipulate the other person.

      How a man should treat a woman in a relationship? ›

      A Dummies Guide For Men Who Don't Know How To Treat A Woman
      • Treat her like a human being “with a touch of extra” ...
      • Be thoughtful and sensitive. ...
      • Compliment her. ...
      • Listen and Communicate. ...
      • Respect.
      Apr 8, 2019

      What are the 10 red flags? ›

      10 Relationship Red Flags
      • 1- Lack of Communication. ...
      • 2- Disrespecting Boundaries. ...
      • 3- Lack of Trust. ...
      • 4- Difficult to Rely On. ...
      • 5- Controlling Behavior. ...
      • 6- Friends or Family Are Wary. ...
      • 7- Dwelling on Past Relationships. ...
      • 8- They Make You Feel Insecure.
      Apr 29, 2021

      What should you not tolerate from your boyfriend? ›

      Things you should never tolerate in a relationship include not being cared about. After all, if that's the case, then what's the point of the relationship? Essentially, insults or hurtful comments about you, your job, goals, family, or anything else just don't come from a caring and loving partner.

      What does a controlling boyfriend look like? ›

      Someone who's controlling is always trying to undermine your confidence and put you down in private or in public. They seem to want to emphasize your flaws and make you feel self-conscious about your quirks. You're made to feel like the culprit. A controlling partner will always say that their emotions are your fault.

      What does controlling look like in a relationship? ›

      A controlling relationship is one where one partner dominates the other in an unhealthy, self-serving manner. If your partner constantly makes you feel intimidated, insecure, or guilty, you could be in a controlling relationship. And control in a relationship is a form of abuse.

      How do you know a man is not good for you? ›

      10 Ways To Know He's Not Right For You
      • There's no humor in your relationship. ...
      • You don't consider him a friend. ...
      • He's negative about everything. ...
      • You feel like you can't be your true self around him. ...
      • You're not sexually compatible. ...
      • You don't get along with each other's friends and/or family.
      Dec 31, 2015

      What are 2 red flags in a relationship? ›

      Red flags in a relationship include excessive jealousy and frequent lying. You should also be wary of a partner who frequently criticizes you or puts you down. Another major red flag is an unwillingness to compromise — relationships shouldn't be one-sided.

      What is 1 thing that destroys a relationship? ›

      Relationship Destroyer #1: Keeping Your Attention on What's Wrong. Many people habitually keep their attention on everything negative that their partner does. By focusing on what's wrong, we create thinking habits that generate a sense of unrest and dissatisfaction within ourselves and the relationship.

      What is disrespectful to do in a relationship? ›

      Some behaviors of disrespect in relationships include nagging, criticism, stonewalling, lying, put downs, pressuring the other, disloyalty, and threats to end the relationship or marriage.

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