What Does Dating Even Mean in Middle School? (2024)

By Michelle Icard

September 19, 2016

I sometimes joke that the thing that scares parents most about their tweens going to middle school is ALL OF IT.

In all seriousness, though, it might be fair to put dating—or “hanging out” as many middle schoolers say—near the top of the list. If dating in middle school terrifies you, take stock of your concerns.

Perhaps you’re worried about early physical intimacy, heartbreak, or your tween’s reputation. Don’t overwhelm yourself or your child with fears. Instead, choose the top one or two to discuss calmly and without criticism. Whenever your child wants something, they are more open to listening to you. Use that to your advantage.

This is a good opportunity to share your values, perspectives, and hopes.

If you react reasonably, with a willingness to learn and be flexible, your child will trust your judgment and continue to seek your advice as the issues around dating become increasingly complex.

Your tween might show an interest in being more than friends with someone they know. This is one of many signs your tween is entering adolescence. It’s helpful for parents to recognize that being more than friends doesn’t necessarily mean an interest in physical intimacy. A lack of clear terms with these middle school relationships is part of the problem. When a middle schooler wants to date or go out, we’re left wondering, “What does middle school dating even mean?”

How to Approach Dating In Middle School:

1. Define terms

Begin by asking your tween what it means for them.

Is it spending time together at the mall or movies? Or maybe it’s just extra texting and a change in her social media status. You won’t know unless you ask. This is also an opportunity for you to talk about your own expectations for what you believe is appropriate in middle school.

2. Establish ground rules

There is no hard rule for when tweens should be allowed to date. Keep in mind that even if you forbid young relationships and dating, your tween may still spend lots of time with a special someone at school. What’s more, forbidden fruit has a unique appeal.

Rather than a flat no, you might consider a more nuanced answer that includes “yes” to some scenarios (Okay, you can say you’re going out), “maybe” to others (I’ll consider whether you can go to a movie together, but if I say yes, I will be in the theater a few rows away), and “no” to others (You are too young to go to the movies without a chaperone and, by the way, you’re too young to kiss).

You should also be talking about the appropriate age or circ*mstance for different levels of physical contact. This is not for the faint of heart, but you can do it. Otherwise, how will your tween know what’s appropriate for a young relationship?

3. Recognize the positives

For many tweens, dating in middle school simply means texting excessively. Remember, middle schoolers often feel isolated and abnormal by nature. They fret about being likable and accepted.

To be dating (whatever that means) can be the ultimate confidence booster.

It can also be a nice way to make a personal connection, learn how respectful relationships are built, and develop personal insight. Plus, remember the thrill of your first crush? It’s just fun.

4. Beware of risks

Do keep an eye out for serial relationships, though. A 2013 study from the University of Georgia found that middle schoolers who were in high-frequency or back-to-back relationships tended to be prone to higher-risk behaviors, like drinking or doing drugs, later in adolescence.

I would caution against group dating, too. It may seem like a safety net to have more tweens around, but the group mentality can quickly push boundaries. Two awkward, gawky tweens forced to think of conversation is much better than a group of tweens daring the couple to go into a closet for seven minutes. (I don’t know if that’s still a thing, but it was when I was in middle school.) You get the point.

What Does Dating Even Mean in Middle School? (2024)

FAQs

What Does Dating Even Mean in Middle School? ›

For many tweens, dating in middle school simply means texting excessively. Remember, middle schoolers often feel isolated and abnormal by nature. They fret about being likable and accepted. To be dating (whatever that means) can be the ultimate confidence booster.

What does dating in middle school mean? ›

As a middle schooler, let me give you parents some insight in to, what I think, is the real truth: "dating" in middle school is basically claiming somebody. It's saying "I like you. No one else has the right to date you. We are accepted to be together and that's the way I like it."

Is dating in middle school normal? ›

Middle school students are less likely to date than their high school counterparts. According to research, frequent dating amongst middle school-aged students is around eight percent, making serious relationships a fairly uncommon trend.

What does dating in school mean? ›

Is it the same for middle schoolers and high schoolers, boys and girls? “Dating” generally means the couple goes places together in a committed relationship. But “hooking up” changes meaning from middle school to high school, from getting together in middle school to having sex or a quick infatuation in high school.

What does dating even mean? ›

Dating is a term coined in America to signify the stage of romantic relationships in which two individuals engage in an activity together, most often with the intention of evaluating each other's suitability as a partner in a future intimate relationship.

Is it OK for 7th graders to date? ›

There is no hard rule for when tweens should be allowed to date. Keep in mind that even if you forbid young relationships and dating, your tween may still spend lots of time with a special someone at school.

What grade is it OK to start dating? ›

Typically, it's best for children under 13 not to engage in romantic relationships as they are still developing emotionally and cognitively. Healthy friendships are encouraged for teenagers between 13 and 15, but romantic relationships could be too much for them to handle.

Do people date in 8th grade? ›

Many adults remember having their first boyfriend or girlfriend in sixth, seventh, or eighth grade. Some consider it a normal step for kids entering adolescence — a rite of passage like acne or being embarrassed by your parents — but it may be time to reconsider.

Should my 13 year old be dating? ›

Eventually, teens are ready to make the move and start going on what an adult would recognize as a date. Some pediatricians suggest that kids wait until they're 16 to start this kind of one-on-one dating. That's a good place to start the discussion, but every kid is different.

Can middle schoolers fall in love? ›

Caption Options. TL;DR: Teens can absolutely fall in love. Adults might tell you that your brain is still developing, and that's true; in fact, it'll continue to develop well into your twenties.

Does dating mean having a girlfriend? ›

While relationships are based on mutual agreement and trust, dating isn't the same. For some, casual dating is not mutual. The idea of exclusivity while with someone may differ. Some people like to exclusively date each other while others like to date other people and don't want to be committed to just one person.

Why is it called dating? ›

Dating - the term can fill the best of us with excitement, dread, or a mixture of both. The first use of the word is often attributed to American columnist George Ade, in the Chicago Record in 1896. In one of his columns, he told the story of a clerk named Artie whose girlfriend's head was getting turned by other men.

Does dating mean relationship? ›

“Dating” means different things to different people, particularly across generations. At loveisrespect.org, we define “dating” as two people in an intimate relationship. The relationship may be sexual, but it does not have to be. It may be serious or casual, straight or gay, monogamous or open, short-term or long-term.

What are 3 types of dating? ›

You can choose the type of dating that works best for you.
  • Casual Dating. Casual dating is a type of dating that is focused on having fun and enjoying someone's company. ...
  • Long-Term Dating. ...
  • Friends With Benefits. ...
  • Situationship. ...
  • Online Dating. ...
  • Speed Dating. ...
  • Blind Dating. ...
  • Friend Set-Up.
Apr 26, 2023

Does dating involve kissing? ›

When it comes to kissing on a first date, it's important to remember that it's totally your decision. As no two first dates are alike, it's up to you to decide whether you'd like to kiss this person or not. And in most cases, this simply happens in the moment.

How do I start dating even? ›

Try all the different ways of meeting people

Try dating apps, in-person meet-up groups, working with a matchmaker, signing up for a class that interests you, or even making yourself available to connect with someone while you're in line at the grocery store. And use your personal network, too.

Can a 7th grader have a crush? ›

Around the time they're able to attend elementary school, kids can experience their first crush. Some parents may feel blindsided by how early this can occur, but experts say it's perfectly normal.

Is it OK to have a crush in 7th grade? ›

School crushes are as common as acne. They can be a normal, healthy part of development, teaching kids social and interpersonal skills that will serve them into adolescence and young adulthood.

Should a 12 year old go on a date? ›

There's no one age when people “should” start dating — plenty of people don't start until their late teens or after, and some people start earlier.

What is average age for first kiss? ›

Love is in the air

No need to wait for the official first date to get a little face time, however. Americans agree kids are ready for their first kiss at age 15 (15.1 on average), while on average, they had theirs at age 14.5.

At what age can a girl fall in love? ›

It's important to consider your child as an individual. Consider their emotional maturity and sense of responsibility. For many kids, 16 seems to be an appropriate age, but it may be entirely suitable for a mature 15-year-old to go on a date, or to make your immature 16-year-old wait a year or two.

What age gap for dating is OK? ›

In short, research seems to indicate that in many cultures, an age gap of 1 to 3 years is considered ideal — but some researchers suggest even a relationship with an age gap of less than 10 years will bring more satisfaction. Still, numbers rarely tell the full story when it comes to love.

How old are girls in 8th grade? ›

Usually children in 8th-grade ages from 13 to 14.

Is it OK to kiss a boy at 13? ›

Kiss someone when you feel ready, regardless of how old you are. Around ages 12-15, people often start having their first kiss. Don't feel pressured by other people your age kissing people, and don't rush into kissing someone if you are apprehensive. You'll know intuitively when the time feels right.

Can 11 year olds kiss? ›

Totally ok. Kissing at age 11 can be a great first experience! If you are the girl who is wanting to do the kissing, go ahead! Have fun!

Can 13 year olds cuddle? ›

Nothing wrong with cuddling at any age.

How soon is too soon to say love YOU? ›

While men tended to consider confessions of love acceptable after about a month or so, women tended to say it was better to wait 2 to 3 months or so. Confessions of love generally inspired feelings of happiness, but men felt more positive about confessions that happened before the relationship became sexual.

What is the 3 month rule? ›

Three-Month Rule: After a Break-Up

Basically, after a break-up, the three-month rule is a rule that says you and your ex are both given 3 months before entering the dating scene again. Just waiting it out, and mourning that your relationship ended. Just go on with your individual separate lives and see what happens.

Am I in love or not? ›

When you start thinking about someone else's desires and needs as much as your own, it's a pretty good sign that you are in love, Shaffer says. "You may not necessarily want the same things but when you are in love, you start thinking of the other person's perspective just as much as your own."

Are we a couple or just dating? ›

Dating requires little commitment. You may agree to specific aspects of a date, such as a date, time, and place, but that's about it. A meaningful relationship requires commitment from both partners. Relationships with commitment include looking to the future and exploring where things may take you.

How long does dating last? ›

Around 1-3 months is considered “normal” for most couples.

Many long-term couples made it official after a few months of casual dating. It's perfectly fine to pull the trigger earlier if you're both on board, though.

What counts as a date? ›

"A date is someone personally asking you out — that sometimes can get confused with a one-on-one hangout, depending on the way they mention it or which medium they use to ask you or if it happens to be a group hangout," she says.

What do you call dating but not dating? ›

Situationship Is The Term For Your Undefined Relationship.

Does dating mean boyfriend? ›

Specifically, dating is all about getting to know someone romantically, while being in a relationship means that dating partners have already committed to one another and intend to (hopefully) cultivate their connection—at least for the time being.

What are the five stages of dating? ›

These five stages are attraction, reality, commitment, intimacy and finally, engagement. It may seem pretty obvious, but relationships – whether romantic or platonic – grow with time and undergo distinct changes as bonds are formed and intimacy is developed.

Is hanging out a date? ›

“While the term has several meanings, the most frequent usage refers to two people exploring whether they are romantically or sexually compatible by participating in dates with the other”. So, hanging out can be understood as a more casual version of dating.

How can I date a girl? ›

How To Date A Girl: 15 Ways To Woo Your First Date
  1. Don't panic! Ugh, first date nerves. ...
  2. Put away your phone. ...
  3. This is a conversation, not a performance. ...
  4. Keep it positive. ...
  5. Do your research. ...
  6. Arrive a little early. ...
  7. Bring up things you remember about her. ...
  8. And ask her questions about herself.
Apr 13, 2023

What does I'm dating mean? ›

Status: In a Relationship She Says: “Dating is actively pursuing or courting someone with the intention of being together, whether that be marriage or another form of long-term commitment.

What are the 7 stages of dating? ›

The 7 stages of a loving relationship
  • Discovery. At first, you may not realise what a treasure you have found. ...
  • Hide and seek. In this second stage, you both have hopes and fears. ...
  • Imperfection. ...
  • Trusting. ...
  • Resting. ...
  • Sharing. ...
  • Intermingling.
Dec 3, 2021

Why do we date someone? ›

It's a way to help figure out who a potential life partner will be—and it can also help you understand others and yourself in relation to others. We all want a meaningful connection. There is a powerful longing in us for connection with others.

What is serious dating? ›

In the most basic sense, a serious relationship is one in which you're completely committed to your partner; you're totally open and honest with one another; you trust each other deeply; and you're on the same page, not only in terms of your values and ethics but about your future together as well.

Why do we kiss with tongue? ›

Open mouth and tongue kissing are especially effective in upping the level of sexual arousal, because they increase the amount of saliva produced and exchanged. The more spit you swap, the more turned on you'll get.

Is French kiss safe? ›

Deep or French kissing, which includes touching tongues together, can also increase the risk of infection. That's because there's more potential to come in contact with the virus this way. Syphilis can be severe or fatal if untreated.

What to say after a kiss? ›

What to say after a kiss? Anything you want, or nothing at all! A simple smile is often more than enough. Thanks!

Why am I not into dating? ›

People are not interested in dating for various reasons. It could be that they're not at the right stage of life, that they just got out of a breakup, that they are aromantic, or something else. No matter what the reason is, know that it's okay and valid if you don't want a relationship. Happiness is what matters.

What does healthy dating look like? ›

Healthy relationships involve honesty, trust, respect and open communication between partners and they take effort and compromise from both people. There is no imbalance of power. Partners respect each other's independence, can make their own decisions without fear of retribution or retaliation, and share decisions.

Is it OK to date after a breakup? ›

"Most people need a month or two to process the breakup, to mourn, and to integrate lessons before jumping back in if they were in a fairly serious relationship," she says. If you dated someone for a year or more, you may need three to four months.

What to do when dating in middle school? ›

Here are nine dating tips from middle school you might still want to consider today, according to experts.
  1. Spend Time Talking On The Phone. ...
  2. Soak Up The Special Feeling Of Being On A Date. ...
  3. Vetting Your Potential Partner. ...
  4. Actually, Innocently, Flirting. ...
  5. Having An Active Social Life Outside Your Relationship.
Sep 26, 2018

Is it normal for 6th graders to date? ›

By sixth grade, it's apparently a given. Tween and teen dating isn't the boogie monster we think it is, though. The earliest dating is usually entirely innocent – as in, the kids aren't even seeing each other outside of school – and some studies show these young relationships can have big benefits.

Can a 7th grader date a 8th grader? ›

Of course its ok. Anyone can date anyone, age doesn't really matter (UNLESS your like 40 and the person your dating is 10 years old, thats uh… yeah.) If your talking maturely and trying to find out if you have a future together, make sure both sides agree to be together for a long time.

What age is it appropriate to kiss? ›

Interestingly, this is largely agreed upon across generations. No need to wait for the official first date to get a little face time, however. Americans agree kids are ready for their first kiss at age 15 (15.1 on average), while on average, they had theirs at age 14.5.

Is it OK to date at 12? ›

There's no one age when people “should” start dating — plenty of people don't start until their late teens or after, and some people start earlier.

Does middle school love last? ›

According to NBCComedyPlayground, middle school relationships have less than a 10% chance of it turning into a lifelong marriage. Students who 'go out' with one another have to remember that their maturity limits lasting commitment.

Is it OK to have a crush in 6th grade? ›

The gender gap is only one of the hurdles that kids — and their parents — face when they embark on those early relationships grown-ups like to call “crushes.” For most kids, it begins around fifth or sixth grade, though some precocious children will start having crushes as soon as second grade.

Is it OK to let 11 year olds date? ›

Although not inherently harmful, early dating can put youths at risk for drug use, promiscuity, and other delinquent behavior, experts say. They advise parents not to push the timetable, but to try to understand why a child wants to date and respond with appropriate guidance and limits.

What is the youngest to date? ›

The “creepiness rule” states that the youngest you should date is “half your age plus seven.” The less commonly used corollary is that the oldest you should date is “subtract seven from your age and double it.” According to this rule, society should accept a 50 year old man dating a 32 year old woman.

What grade is a 12 year old? ›

Age Requirements and Grade Placement
GradeAge by 31st August
510 years old
611 years old
712 years old
813 years old
7 more rows

Should I let my middle schooler date? ›

One of the biggest take-home messages from the study, Orinpas says, is that kids don't have to be dating at that age. “They feel pressure to date—that's the cool thing to do,” she says. “In school they should not have to focus on dating, but on promoting friendships and healthy relationships.”

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