A Rose by Any Other Name: The Importance of Our Names in Shaping Identity (2024)

A lot of people call me by the wrong name.

Some variation of Kyle, Kayla (most common), or Kylie will normally replace the two-syllable name that my parents bestowed upon me twenty-two years ago (pronounced kuh/eye-la). Kyla means “triumphant” in Gaelic, a nod to my second-generation Irish heritage.

But all of my life, I’ve been called the wrong name. Often. Almost every single day. I’ve never understood it.

I actually keep track of it, because I live a life of charts and graphs. On average, 75% of people call me the wrong name. 45% do it again. And approximately 10% continue to do it, into eternity (rough estimates).

When I was younger, I made a pact with myself to never be friends with someone who called me the wrong name. A bit harsh, but I wanted to stay true to myself. Also, I was usually too nonconfrontational to correct anyone, so I practiced a strong avoidance technique.

I’ve loosened those regulations a bit, but it still bites whenever someone says “Kayla” — especially if they’ve known me for a while.

It seems as though I am unimportant, not worthy of remembering. I know that (hopefully) is not the intention of the person, but I still feel a sharp pang when it happens. It’s embarrassing.

I did some reading on the subject to try and figure out what this was doing to me psychologically (everything is an experiment in my world, for better or worse).

“A rose by any other name would smell as sweet” according to Romeo, from William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet.

I am here to radically disagree with Romeo.

A name is your identity. It’s what people call you, it’s what you respond to, it’s what you understand about yourself. From the day we are born, we are assigned this identifier. Some people get nicknames or change their name entirely after they are born, but the common thread is a NAME.

Every single thing on planet Earth has a name.

Even if something has no-name, it still has a name, because no-name is a name within itself (how’s that for some philosophy?)

Having an identity is one of the most important things to our human nature.”Personal identity” is tied to our self-worth, how we see ourselves represented on a broad global stage among 7 billion other people.

Norbert Wiley defines self-identity as:

“Self-identity is not a distinctive trait, or even a collection of traits possessed by the individual. It is the self as reflexively understood by the person in terms of her or his biography. Identity here still presumes continuity across time and space: but self-identity is such continuity as interpreted reflexively by the agent.”

The below diagram illustrates how we view ourselves, and what composes our sense of identity. We pull information from the environment, from the relationships we have, our memories, our thoughts, and how we reflect ourselves to others.

A Rose by Any Other Name: The Importance of Our Names in Shaping Identity (1)

A name is many things, ranging from an “important anchor point of identity” to a “determining factor in personality development“. Names are “Semiotic” or a symbol for a person. How we interpret that name is depicted in the triangle below, also known as the “semiotic prism”.

A Rose by Any Other Name: The Importance of Our Names in Shaping Identity (2)

What does that name mean to you as you search for your sense of self? How do others interpret it? What signal does it send to the world? A name gives you the avenue to answer all of those questions.

Sean Jean Combs is a good example of the power and the identity that a name carries. He went by Diddy, P. Diddy, Puff Daddy, or Bad Boy to segment his work — rapping, producing, or designing. There wasn’t Sean Jean Combs rapping, producing, and designing. That way each aspect of his life got a full allowance of his identity.

Perhaps a bit extreme. But the idea of creating yourself to be present in all parts of your life is interesting. But what happens when our names are taken away from us entirely?

A lot of name research discourse is around the Westernization of names. When immigrants come to the U.S., there is an expectation of acculturation — you will assimilate into this culture, take these names, act the same way we do.

But different cultures have different rules for naming their children. In South Korea, some parents bring in experts to incorporate a child’s saju (a person’s fortune) into their name. In China, some names are comprised of a monosyllabic surname followed by a given name, which sometimes reflects the parent’s future expectations of the child.

You can’t take that away from people. I speak from a pedestal of privilege when I complain about my name being said wrong — it’s just because people look at it quickly or don’t pay attention to the letters — it’s not because they don’t know how to pronounce it.

Yejin Lee wrote a beautiful piece about the power of mispronunciation in 2018, writing to her time as a Korean born in the U.S., and the constant struggle with the idea of “Other-ness” or “foreignness.” People would say things like:

“Don’t you have an American name?” or “It’s too hard, I’m just going to make up a nickname for you” or “You can’t expect me to say your name correctly since it’s not in English.”

Those are all signals that the name difference is unwelcome. That Yejin was unwelcome. That Yejin was different. Social isolation is never a comforting feeling.

We all like to hear our name said. I used to sell cars, and one of the things that we were taught was to repeat the name of the customer back to them. It’s immediately a feeling of comfort and connection.

As I mentioned previously, I write from a place of privilege. My biggest complaint is that people say my name wrong. I’ve never been asked to change my name (although someone did ask if they could call me Kayla instead). I’ve never been told that I don’t belong because my name is different.

Our world is becoming increasingly globalized. The barriers to entry to global travel are low. People are still coming to the U.S., and people are still leaving the U.S. Connection across cultures are increasingly common, but that doesn’t mean that our sense of culture just disappears.

hom*ogeneity is not a place of growth. If things were the same all the time, we would never have a spark that allows for improvements and expansions and advancements. We need diversity of thought and diversity of perspective.

And we can’t have that if we don’t allow people the very root of their human self — their name. Romeo was wrong. A rose is a rose for a reason.

Calling it a daffodil doesn’t diminish the inherent power of the rose, but it does diminish what the rose feels about being a rose. Take great care in pronouncing the rose’s name correctly. No one likes being called the wrong thing.

We all deserve a name, and we deserve it to be said correctly.

Call a rose a rose, or whatever it asks to be called.

A Rose by Any Other Name: The Importance of Our Names in Shaping Identity (2024)

FAQs

What does a rose by any other name the importance of our names? ›

A rose by any other name would smell as sweet” is a famous quote from Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare. It speaks to the power, or lack thereof, of names. The line is used by Juliet as she's standing on her balcony, considering her situation with Romeo and the feud their families have been engaged in for years.

What is the importance of names in identity? ›

Our names are an incredibly important part of our identity. They carry deep personal, cultural, familial, and historical connections. They also give us a sense of who we are, the communities in which we belong, and our place in the world.

What is the relationship between name and identity? ›

A name is your identity. It's what people call you, it's what you respond to, it's what you understand about yourself. From the day we are born, we are assigned this identifier. Some people get nicknames or change their name entirely after they are born, but the common thread is a NAME.

What is identity the power of a name? ›

Names represent a person's identity, our cultural origins, history, and in some instances how the world sees us. Names, like all words, are used to label or describe things and affect our perceptions, which inevitably impacts how we experience the world around us.

What does Juliet mean when she says that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet? ›

“What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” Shakespeare's Juliet declares her indifference to the rival family name of her lover, Romeo. Her love for him transcends this label regardless of its social significance.

What is the main idea of The Name of the Rose? ›

Judgement and Hypocrisy. Throughout the novel, William of Baskerville critiques the medieval church for the extreme harshness of its judgments—against religious dissenters, against those standing accused of “heresy,” and even against the behavior of the clergy.

How does your name impact your life? ›

Our name has the power to influence our career path, city of residence, academic achievements, longevity, the quality and the effort we put in work, being hired for a job or accepted in a school, and even the person we would commit to.

How does your name affect your personality? ›

Because names are social markers, and have certain associations attached to them, what a child is named is surely likely to influence how they are perceived by others and treated by others, and how they therefore come to see and present themselves.

What do names tell us about a person? ›

In addition to appearance, our names are associated with our personality, character, the way we act and our psychological adjustment. As far back as 1948, studies indicated that the names we are given affect how we perform later in life.

Do our names and identities describe who we currently are? ›

Identity Describes Who You Are

Our names and identities describe who we currently are. It is a present-day representation of how we perceive ourselves in this world.

Are names good identifiers for people? ›

It is important to use a person's name when interacting with them. It is, after all, their most significant connection to their identity. When you address someone using their name, you acknowledge their importance, which is the easiest way to get their attention.

Who defines your identity? ›

Personality traits, abilities, likes and dislikes, your belief system or moral code, and the things that motivate you — these all contribute to self-image or your unique identity as a person. People who can easily describe these aspects of their identity typically have a fairly strong sense of who they are.

What is the power of using people's names? ›

Using someone's name can be an effective way of breaking into conversation. It can also be effective when a person seems distracted or has disappeared off into their own head. Formal and informal. Using a formal name is often associated with obedience and can be seen as a sign of respect.

Why is a name powerful? ›

A person's name is the greatest connection to their own identity and individuality. Some might say it is the most important word in the world to that person. It is the one way we can easily get someone's attention. It is a sign of courtesy and a way of recognizing them.

Why does naming have power? ›

During early childhood development, one consequence of the attainment of speech is the relief that comes for a very young child when he or she is able to name something. Giving something a name makes it real, as well as something that can be communicated about. This is a constructive achievement.

What does a rose by any other name is still a rose mean? ›

Basically, what it means is that what matters is what something is, not what it is called.

What is that thing they say about a rose by any other name? ›

“What's in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other word would smell as sweet.” So declares Juliet as she laments the name of her beloved in Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. The fact is, today there are numerous varieties of ornamental rose that produce little or no fragrance.

What are Juliet's thoughts about names and identity? ›

Juliet believes that love stems from one's inner identity, and that the feud between the Montagues and the Capulets is a product of the outer identity, based only on names. She thinks of Romeo in individual terms, and thus her love for him overrides her family's hatred for the Montague name.

What is the conclusion of The Name of the Rose? ›

The book's last line, "Stat rosa pristina nomine, nomina nuda tenemus" translates as: "the rose of old remains only in its name; we possess naked names." The general sense, as Eco pointed out, was that from the beauty of the past, now disappeared, we hold only the name.

What is an important quote from The Name of the Rose? ›

The Name of the Rose Quotes
  • “Then why do you want to know?" ...
  • “*ntil then I had thought each book spoke of the things, human or divine, that lie outside books. ...
  • “What is love? ...
  • “Love is wiser than wisdom.”

What is the rose and its meaning? ›

The red rose symbolizes romance, love, beauty, and courage. A red rosebud signifies beauty and purity. A thornless red rose means love at first sight. Yellow roses symbolize friendship and joy, and new beginnings. Orange roses symbolize fascination, desire, and sensuality.

What happens in your brain when someone says your name? ›

Hearing your own name causes your brain to react as if you're engaging in the behaviors and thought patterns that serve as some of your core identity and personality markers. In fact, this reaction is so powerful that similar patterns were observed in patients in a persistent vegetative state (PVS).

What is the psychology behind name calling? ›

In psychology, this masking of our true feelings of insecurity is known as displaced aggression; when we cannot express our own vulnerable emotions, such as fear or inadequacy, we instead direct our aggression toward an easier target. Name-calling and criticism are two common forms of displaced aggression.

What is the psychology behind nicknames? ›

A nickname reflects how others view the person named and comes to mirror how that person sees himself/herself. Nicknames can affect a child's self-esteem positively or negatively.

How does your name affect your appearance? ›

A computer analysis found that people with the same name were more likely to share similar expressions around their eyes and mouths, areas of the face that are easier to adjust. In my head, a person with the name Danny has a boyish face and a perpetual smile.

Does your name affect your destiny? ›

So are our names our destiny? They undoubtedly have influence, but "destiny" is too strong a word. "Names only have a significant influence when that is the only thing you know about the person," says psychologist Dr. Martin Ford of George Mason University.

What is it called when your name matches your personality? ›

An aptronym, aptonym, or euonym is a personal name aptly or peculiarly suited to its owner.

Do peoples names have meaning? ›

So, even a “meaningless” name has meaning, because it means “person whose name it is”. However, most peoples' names do have associated meanings with them, they are not just collections of pleasant sounds…

What does it mean to be named for someone? ›

To be “named after” someone or something means that there must be a specific person, place, or event that inspires the name.

Why do humans give names? ›

It can mean many things and take on many roles. We all bring our own associations—for good or ill. We name to identify, symbolize, refer, describe, simplify, organize and, most importantly, to tame. Through the act of naming, we make ties and emotional bonds with people and things.

What are examples of our identity? ›

These categorizations are often assigned to us or something we are born into. Examples of social identity include: race, ethnicity, gender, sex, socioeconomic status, sexual orientation, age, religion/religious beliefs, national origin, and emotional, developmental disabilities and abilities.

What is the power of a good name? ›

Having a good name means living in a way that earns the trust of others. It means demonstrating integrity that people can depend on. Maintaining a good name doesn't mean that you are perfect, but when you make mistakes, you learn from them and do what you can to make things right.

What is the symbol of identity? ›

the symbol (), designating identity, not equality.

Is the proper name a clue symbol of identity? ›

Proper name is very important for identification of an object or person. If a name is mispronounced or written incorrectly, it can be considered as the distortion of an identity in the sense of personality of a man.

How do others shape our identity? ›

Personal identity formation and evolution are impacted by various internal and external factors like society, family, friends, ethnicity, race, culture, location, opportunities, media, interests, appearance, self-expression, and life experiences. For example, think about how your friends and family impact you.

What are 5 aspects of identity? ›

Aspects of identity examples include our gender, ethnicity, personality, religion, values, and hobbies. Each aspect helps to make up who we are, and make us unique individuals.

What are the two main characteristics of identity? ›

Identity has two important features: continuity and contrast. Continuity means that people can count on you to be the same person tomorrow as you are today. Obviously, people change but many important aspects of social identity remain relatively stable such as gender, surname, language and ethnicity.

What is it called when someone uses your name? ›

Identity theft and identity fraud are terms used to refer to all types of crime in which someone wrongfully obtains and uses another person's personal data in some way that involves fraud or deception, typically for economic gain.

What is the importance of a name in the Bible? ›

Because a name was so much a part of a person, if you acted "in someone's name," you acted with their authority. That's why Mordecai could write a command in the name of King Ahasuerus and it became law (Exodus 8:8-10). Prophets sometimes spoke "in the name of God" to emphasize their authority.

Does your name define yourself? ›

A name is your identity. It's what people call you, it's what you respond to, it's what you understand about yourself. From the day we are born, we are assigned this identifier. Some people get nicknames or change their name entirely after they are born, but the common thread is a NAME.

Do our names really matter? ›

Our names are an integral part of our identity. Our names have rich and intimate personal stories. Names evoke emotions far more complex than our words can do justice to describe.

What is the magic of true names? ›

The magic of true names rests on the principle that if you know someone's name, you have power over them. After all, to name a thing is to describe that thing—but to accurately describe a thing, you have to understand it, and if you understand it, you can control it.

Does naming something give you power over it? ›

A common concept in history is that knowing the name of something or someone gives one power over that thing or person. This concept occurs in many different forms, in numerous cultures—in ancient and primitive tribes, as well as in Islamic, Jewish, Egyptian, Vedic, Hindu, and Christian traditions.

What purpose do names serve? ›

Names are generally important representations of social allegiance and godparent relationships, says George Redmonds, who has written numerous books on names, including Christian Names in Local and Family History.

What is the quote about the name rose? ›

This line – 'A rose by any other name would smell as sweet' – is a quotation from William Shakespeare's play Romeo and Juliet, spoken by Juliet Capulet (Act 2, Scene 2) to herself whilst on her balcony, but overheard by Romeo Montague.

What is in a name that which we call a rose by any other name would smell sweet? ›

“What's in a name? That which we call a rose/ By any other name would smell as sweet.” This is Juliet's line when she is telling Rome that a name is nothing but a name and it is hence a convention with no meaning behind it.

What is the meaning of the name rose? ›

May 16, 2023. Popularity:291. Other Origin(s):Roman. Meaning:Rose, flower. The epitome of femininity, Rose is a girl's name of Latin origins, meaning “rose” and “flower.” The name gets its meaning from the Latin name Rosa, also referring to the timeless and romantic bloom.

What is the meaning of rose other than flower? ›

The red rose symbolizes romance, love, beauty, and courage. A red rosebud signifies beauty and purity.

What is an important quote from The rose Little Prince? ›

“What is essential is invisible to the eye,” the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember. “It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.” “It is the time I have wasted for my rose—” said the little prince, so that he would be sure to remember.

What are some important quotations in The Nightingale and the rose? ›

If you want a red rose…you must build it out of music by moonlight, and stain it with your own heart's-blood. You must sing to me with your breast against a thorn. All night long you must sing to me, and the thorn must pierce your heart, and your life-blood must flow into my veins, and become mine.

What did the population think of the name of the rose? ›

What did the publisher think of 'The Name of the Rose'? (2008, 2012 Delhi) Umberto Eco tells how the American publisher of 'The Name of the Rose' loved the novel but did not expect to sell more than 3,000 copies.

What is a powerful quote about roses? ›

A rose does not answer its enemies with words, but with beauty.” “Roses do not bloom hurriedly; for beauty, like any masterpiece, takes time to blossom.” “If roses tried to be sunflowers, they would lose their beauty; and if sunflowers tried to be roses, they would lose their strength.”

How are roses related to life? ›

Quotes About Roses and Life

The life cycle of a rose can be related back to our own lives. We go through phases of growth, pruning and rough winters that can leave us bare but in the end, we (like roses) will regrow and prosper again.

How life is compared to a rose? ›

Life is like a rose from the moment we are brought on earth. We are given care and nurture by our mothers that help us create an entity as unique as a rose. Our mothers give us love and time as a rosarian gives to a rose. They encourage a positive feel on growth and blossom in life.

What does the rose symbolize in Romeo and Juliet? ›

Romeo and Juliet (1595)

That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” this famous quote from Romeo and Juliet means a lot of things: rose symbolizes beauty, love, and passion, but the thorns are a reminder that love can also be painful: their love that was symbolized by the rose, kills them both.

What is in a name quote meaning? ›

When playwright William Shakespeare asked the question, “What's in a name?” in Romeo and Juliet, he was referring to the idea that names themselves are a convention to distinguish things or people, but themselves do not have any worth or meaning.

Why is it called name of the rose? ›

In fact, Eco has stated that his intention was to find a "totally neutral title". In one version of the story, when he had finished writing the novel, Eco hurriedly suggested some ten names for it and asked a few of his friends to choose one. They chose The Name of the Rose.

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